How do I deal with a difficult priest?

[GratiaPlena]

We have a priest that has been at our parish for six months. He is very hard to approach and shoots down any new ideas or anything that has been done in the past. He doesn’t want to talk after Mass, he doesn’t want to talk in the halls, he doesn’t want to meet with anyone, he doesn’t believe in spending any money on our parish school of religion. Our parish has a strong heritage and traditions and he doesn’t believe in all that … he said so himself. If you try to talk with him, he will turn his head, or even put his hand up to your face!

When he came to our parish, he said he didn’t want to meet new people, he didn’t like to meet new people. We are a very loving and family-oriented parish and we are stunned. Everyone is talking and we don’t know what to do. We have tried for six months to overwhelm him with kindness but that hasn’t worked. He is even delaying sacraments, like putting off baptisms and moving confirmation and First Communion dates to odd days and times of the year. He is also very controlling and not the least bit humble. He doesn’t greet any of the parishioners at Mass. He stand in the foyer and he wants to be greeted and have people flock around him.

He is standoffish and snobby. I’ve never met anyone like him especially a priest! I don’t know why you would be in the people business if you didn’t like people. Any suggestions … any ideas? Help!

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

I don’t know why you would be in the people business if you didn’t like people.

Before getting into the meat of your question, I should note that the priesthood is not “the people business.” It is a sacrificial conformity of a man’s life to Jesus Christ and his sacrificial priesthood. I mention this because I think it important that you and your fellow parishioners take into account that you are not the center of this man’s priesthood. God is. And then, out of love for God and conformity of his life to him, a priest loves God’s people, given to him as spiritual children. I’m not saying that you are wrong to be upset by the behavior you report, only that it will be more constructive to a solution to make certain you approach this in a more theologically-precise fashion.

You have said that you and your fellow parishioners have tried to “overwhelm [the pastor] with kindness but that hasn’t worked.” Does that mean that you have organized prayer novenas and spiritual sacrifices for him, or does it mean that you have flooded the parish office with cookies and casseroles? St. John Vianney, a patron saint of priests, once said that there are no bad priests, only priests for whom there has not been enough prayer. Again, my point here is not to criticize but to suggest that a more theologically-precise approach may be helpful.

All this said, some of the behavior by this priest that you report does seem a bit odd. In addition to organizing prayers and sacrifices for this priest, I also recommend that a spokesperson for the parishioners approach the bishop of your diocese with the concerns of the parishioners. (And please note the word “concerns.” The focus should be on sharing concerns and not on making complaints.) The bishop, or his representative, can look into the matter and determine whether or not the priest should be counseled further by his local ordinary.