How do I find a Spiritual Director and

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what exactly should I expect from them? I feel a bit like I’m floundering in my spiritual life, and I have some questions, even considering the religious life as a cloistered nun… someone suggested getting a spiritual director. I live in a very small town - 3750 population. I have a good priest (orthodox) but he is about the only one in the parish who is an obviously good candidate as a spiritual director and to be honest, I feel guilty about trying to “employ” him as a spiritual director. I brought it up to him once and he said he’d be willing to be, but gosh. Priests (he’s also our pastor, serving 2 parishes) are so busy. I feel guilty expecting to take up their time.

I have a Catholic therapist (www.catholictherapists.com) who I speak with occasionally about psychological type things (I’m always looking for tools to use to become a better person in the secular world) but he makes sure that I realize he is NOT a spiritual director.

Does anyone out there have a spiritual director? How often do you meet with him/her? How did you find one? What kinds of criteria did you use to select/find one? I would welcome any advice…

Thanks 🙂

Jb
 
I do not have much as far as information, but I am discerning as you are and I will keep you in my prayers. I’m sorry I don’t have anything more then that to offer.
 
Thanks 🙂 That’s ok. Maybe we’ll both find some advice here…

You’ll be in my prayers as well.

Jb
 
Add me into your little prayer circle, please! =)

The Holy Spirit is my spiritual director for now. I admire my parish priests so very much, but like you I would feel guilty asking either one to be my director, as I know they are so busy. And frankly, I’m “so busy” as well! I work full time, have no car, and cannot take time off work due to financial hardship… so I doubt I’d be able to meet for spiritual direction during any kind of hours when anybody’d want to see me. And the confession lines are so long I also feel a tad guilty about the little bit of spiritual direction I snatch up during the Sacrament of Reconciliation!

So I’m dependent on the Holy Spirit, like I said… and while it takes me a while to discern His answers, He’s never let me down. I’m sometimes very nervous about having no person giving me concrete instructions to obey, worried I’ll make mistakes… but God seems to like forcing me into situations in which I feel uncomfortable, ultimately for my own good.

So anyhow, I’ll pray for both of you. Please include my little soul in your prayers, too.
 
Yes, I have a spiritual director. He is a priest in my circumstance, but some spiritual directors who have taken specific training and are certified spiritual directors are not. However, many are religious sisters and brothers. In our diocese of Chcago, we can go to a website that details what spiritual direction entails. In spiritual direction, believers who have embarked on an intentional spiritual journey dialogue with another believer, a director. Together they try to discover the movement of God’s grace. Spiritual direction is meant to lead to self-acceptance in faith and self-gift in faith. It serves the larger process of ongoing conversion of heart.

Pastoral Ministers searching for a spiritual director can contact Fr. Bob Tuzik, Interim Director of the Office for Ongoing Formation in Ministry, 773-478-7543 for a list of available resources, including religious and diocesan priests. On the basis of particular needs or circumstances, the director will forward several names of directors and their profiles to those making an inquiry.

So my suggestion is to contact your diocesan office and ask if there is a listing of spiritual directors available. Finding one that is a fit for your needs is the second step. You may have to make appt’s with several of them before you find one that you feel most comfortable with. The plus side of having a priest as a spiritual director is that he can also be your confessor. Good luck in your discernment, and with all things…Pray, pray, pray.
 
**Presently I am in such for a new spiritual director because of a relocation, but I have had a spiritual director for years and have been a spiritual director for some. **

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QUALITIES OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTORS:
  • Spiritual direction is first of all a gift from God to certain people(not everyone, nor every priest has such a gift). Like any such gift it can grow if nurtured or die from lack of such nurturing.
  • It is good to have a Spiritual Director whom one can converse about her/his spiritual life, and receive direction from someone who can see us much more objectively than we see ourselves.
  • A spiritual director should be someone faithful to the Church and have a strong love of the Eucharist and the Magisterium.
  • A spiritual director should be spiritual, someone who emulates Christ and inspires us to live a deeply spiritual life.
  • A spiritual director should have a strong Catholic theological background with ample resources to help find answers to troubling questions.
  • A spiritual director may be a priest, religious, or layperson. The benefit of a priest is that he can be both a confessor and director.
  • A spiritual director should be someone I can be myself with and reveal myself (good & bad) to. Thus, trust and confidentiality are essential.
  • A spiritual director should help us find God’s unique path for us, rather than trying to mold each person into a clone of himself/herself or a concept. Thus, he/she should be gifted and schooled in various spiritual ways, prayer forms, and able to assist us in discerning God’s Will in our everyday lives.
  • A spiritual director should be a good listener, and eventually do more listening than talking.
  • A spiritual director should express concern for our prayer lives and guide us into a great prayer life uniquely suited to our personal relationship with God, as well as communal prayer of the Church.
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MEETING WITH A SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR:
  • **Frequency and duration of meetings depends on the need of the directee and the time available to both directee and director. Usually the initial meetings are getting acquainted meetings where we each get to know each other. These have been commonly every week or two for 30 minutes to an hour. As time goes on, the meetings usually evolve to monthly; usually an hour works well, but it needs to be tailored to the needs of the directee and time available. Sometimes even quarterly (personally I think quarterly is too long). **
  • Early the director will be discerning the directees relationship with God, her/his spiritual life and practices, and her/his knowledge, and her/his gifts. The director does thins by skillfully asking probing questions to get the directee to talk openly and help the directee when they stumble a little.
  • I have usually begun with guidance on prayer life and scripture meditations. I choose based on what I have learned where I believe the Spirit is leading…one step at a time…seeing where each leads.
  • Early on I seek the directees concept of God and sin. If they are distorted, I’ll begin by working here because a real and deep understanding of God, God’s love, and our response to His love is useful (in my opinion) to move to deeper spiritual levels and develop a real relationship with Christ.
  • Understanding the daily experiences is another area… helping the directee find God in these events (good & not so good) … helping the directee discover how to best respond to similar events in the future. Ideally, the director would like to see the directee find God in all things and respond to God with love.
  • Helping the directee discern and/or live their vocation faithfully is another essential area for direction.
Spiritual direction with some directors and directees can last a lifetime. For me it lasted until the next job relocation. On the other hand, sometimes people do not mesh, and break it off after only a few sessions; this is good, because it has to become a real and devoted relationship between both parties. Also, some people come to spiritual direction to get over a hump in their lives. So, it is different for everyone. There was one spiritual director I had whom God used for one purpose – to guide me to forgive and to free me from the bindings caused by my unforgiveness.

Well, hope I was some help. Please feel free to PM me if I can be of service.

May God bless you in finding a good director!

Love & peace in Christ,
Bob
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Fr. Thomas Dubay’s book Seeking Spiritual Direction would be a good place to start as far as knowing what to look for in a spiritual director and what to expect from it.

I have had a couple spiritual directors- 2 formal and 2 informal. By formal I mean I asked each one (they were priests) if they were willing to do so. One of the others was a deacon and I hadn’t heard the term “spiritual director” was but I was going through what I call a “spiritual growth spurt” which was painful and a little confusing and I just needed someone to whom I could talk to about spiritual matters that would get it and not think I was weird.

I don’t have one now but SDs, good ones especially, are few and far between.

Consider asking your priest if he is willing and able, if he is, then pray about it some more and see.

As far as
So my suggestion is to contact your diocesan office and ask if there is a listing of spiritual directors available.
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consider how orthodox your diocese is generally. I did this and it was there were a quite a few names. A lot were discenting religious sisters. Slim pickins’ in other words.
 
Pray hard for one. Ask the Holy Spirit to send you a good and holy spiritual director.

I have been looking for one for years and prayed hard. I now have one that all the phone calls in the world would not have given.

The Holy Spirit knows what you need and knows who you need that will guide you well.

Pray pray and pray some more.
 
Is it acceptable to have a spiritual director who lives far away? Obviously he could not be my confessor then, but since lay people also can be spiritual directors, I take it that’s not necessary. I am guessing it is okay, since St. Francis de Sales gave spiritual direction in letters.

Specifically, I am thinking of a priest who will soon be transferred to another parish in my diocese, but too far away to visit. I will still have a confessor I can trust, but am considering asking this other priest to be my SD.

Any personal experiences with long-distance spiritual direction? I’d be wary of it if I didn’t already know him, but since I do, it seems like a good idea. I express myself better in writing anyhow.
 
JB:

By Northern Minnesota, are you outside of the Archdiocese of Minneapolis/St. Paul?

archspm.org/

It’s a little tricky to navigate to find Spiritual Directors (under the Resources link, categories, personal or spirituality and then click on the person’s name - should be in their description if they do spiritual direction.)

Otherwise, you might try contacting your diocese office to see if there are other directors.

And pray about your parish priest - if he has said he would be able and available to provide you with direction and you truly need it - don’t doubt his willingness!

=)
Kat
 
Thank you to everyone who replied… I appreciate your comments, suggestions and time…

I think I will talk with my priest again to see what he has to say…

Kat - I’ll send you a message… Thanks!

Jb 🙂
 
OT:
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Fizendell:
By Northern Minnesota, are you outside of the Archdiocese of Minneapolis/St. Paul?
…
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Most of Minnesota is outside of the Archdiocese of Minneapolis/St. Paul. Most of Minnesota was red, too.

I’m just sayin’.

/OT
 
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