How do I get my parents to take me seriously?

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pulchraesamicamea

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I really, REALLY want to become a secular discaled Carmelite.

I feel like God is calling me to become one.

Since I cannot be a sister because of my physical disability and mental illnesses, I want to join the OCDS and become a secular Carmelite. I really resonate with the Carmelite spirituality and I have been inspired by the saints who were Carmelites.

The problem is, my parents don’t take me seriously and they always try to change the conversation when I talk about joining the OCDS and wearing a scapular. Every time I initiate the conversation, my mom ignores me.

Urgh, my heart hurts because I can’t physically take myself via bus or transportation due to my progressively degenerative disability. I always have to get my mom to drive me.

I’m writing this because my passion to become a secular Carmelite is growing but I have no means to get to the initiation process in Seoul’s Carmelite centre.

How do I get my parents to take me seriously? Your answers are greatly appreciated.
 
Can you contact local parishes to see if they can help you with rides?

I wish I had more ideas, but it might be very hard to convince your parents of how important this is to you. Sometimes family members who think they know us best actually know us the least because they rely on their set opinions and fail to really listen. Commit this to prayer, offer your deep yearning as a sacrifice. I very sorry for all you’re going through. May God bless you and your desire to serve Him.
 
pulchraesamicamea said:
I really, REALLY want to become a secular discaled Carmelite.

I feel like God is calling me to become one.

Since I cannot be a sister because of my physical disability and mental illnesses, I want to join the OCDS and become a secular Carmelite. I really resonate with the Carmelite spirituality and I have been inspired by the saints who were Carmelites.

The problem is, my parents don’t take me seriously and they always try to change the conversation when I talk about joining the OCDS and wearing a scapular. Every time I initiate the conversation, my mom ignores me.

Urgh, my heart hurts because I can’t physically take myself via bus or transportation due to my progressively degenerative disability. I always have to get my mom to drive me.

I’m writing this because my passion to become a secular Carmelite is growing but I have no means to get to the initiation process in Seoul’s Carmelite centre.

How do I get my parents to take me seriously? Your answers are greatly appreciated.
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Firstly, how old are you?

Secondly, you might be able to google Secular Crtmelite communities in your area and get in touch with them by phone or email. They may well have encountered cases where families are reluctant and have some ideas.
 
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How old are you, first of all?

Second, to be taken seriously you have to act like an adult.
And that means taking responsibility for your own actions.

It can be really difficult for a person with disabilities to project themselves as “one of the grown-ups”.
Through no fault of your own, you have extra hurdles to jump to be taken seriously.
Or maybe you allowed others to take care of you in areas you could have done it yourself (which is not something only folks with disabilities do, BTW🙂).

But without knowing your backstory or how your dynamic with your parents evolved, it’s hard for us to give advice.
 
@0Scarlett_nidiyilii @NevermoreLenore @LilyM
I’m 24. I do not have an intellectual disability.

I was thinking about joining the convent but I fell ill with my disability. I wanted to follow the Carmelite way of life and walk with Christ. I know that it may sound silly that I need people to help me to get to places. However, every transportation method in Korea are inaccessible, and due to my disability I cannot use transportation. (Every bus has one or two steps to step on, and even though I am able to walk, I cannot use stairs). I’m in the beginning stages of my degeneration but I can walk and stand on my own, except using the stairs.

Also, I do not drive and would require a disability permit to do so to make modifications to a car, should I get one. I am currently not registered, and I’m in the process of registration.

I know that as a disabled person I might not be taken seriously, but I’m fully capable of understanding His love and His sacrifice. I’m also a convert to Catholicism.
 
NevermoreLenore said:
I wish I had more ideas, but it might be very hard to convince your parents of how important this is to you.
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My biggest problem is that every time this has been brought up to the dinner table, my family either ignores or asks me to change the conversation. My family is made up of converts, and my parents have no idea what a secular order is. They’re largely uninterested.
 
Possibly try contacting the order about what they would be having you do if you joined , then just start doing it.

Like for instance, if they always say a rosary at 3pm, you could integrate it into your life and casually mention to your parents, “the Order prays this prayer every day at this time”, just giving information.
 
I agree with contacting the Order. Sometimes they can make arrangements for someone who cannot physically attend meetings to join with them in some manner.

I’m sure they will be more receptive to this than your parents. With your parents, it may simply be a matter of them already having so many responsibilities and concerns, they don’t want to take on another.
 
pulchraesamicamea said:
due to my disability I cannot use transportation.
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Are taxis not an option? They’re plentiful and relatively cheap, aren’t they? (My FIL used to be a taxi driver in Seoul, so I may be a bit biased.)
pulchraesamicamea said:
Every time I initiate the conversation, my mom ignores me.
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Could she be uncomfortable and/or afraid, for whatever reason? Does she maybe fear you are going to leave, or do things that could further degrade your health?
 
Good idea- however every trip costs 30 dollars each and I can’t afford that.
OddBird said:
Could she be uncomfortable and/or afraid, for whatever reason? Does she maybe fear you are going to leave, or do things that could further degrade your health?
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She’s probably uncomfortable. She’s a newly converted Catholic. I am trying to educate her but she won’t listen to me.

So I have decided:

Since most of the meetings are in the evenings, I think I will wait until I get a vehicle of my own. I also live far from the Archdiocese, so making my mom drive me is unacceptable for her own health. I’ll wait until I become more independent.

I think that’s the best for now. Until then, I’m praying the rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and wearing a scapular (if I find one, that is).
 
You could also pray to St Therese of Liseux as she is quite likely to help her little Carmelite sisters.

I hope you will be blessed with your own transport soon. But if I were you I would still contact them anyway. I am a member of Carmelite Secular Institute and we haven’t seen each other due to covid all year as our retreats were all cancelled. We speak via the phone, internet and letters.
Another friend of mine in a Carmelite third order meets her Chapter via zoom meeting over the internet at the moment due to the virus…so you may find that everyone, even able bodied people don’t get to meet in person. It may be different where you are but it is certainly worth calling and asking or emailing.
Also look on YouTube there’s some good Carmelite talks and stories to follow, learn all you can in the meantime.
God bless(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
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Thank you- I bought a scapular today. I’m trying to be more close to God in pain.
 
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