How do I help an aging father-in-law?

[littlemamaof5]

My father-in-law suffers from depression. He just lost his wife three months ago and we’ve been staying with him during the week to help ease his depression. We also have my husband’s brother and sister-in-law staying weekends. They have no children and are planning to move in but as of now they aren’t sure when.

Are we obliged to go to my father-in-law’s home each week and stay with him because of his depression and aging and just losing his wife? I homeschool and we have six kids. Three of them are in school, but it puts a burden on me to try and get this done and pack up and go every week. Am I under an obligation to do this? I’m not sure in this area. I know that lack of time isn’t an excuse to not help a brother in need. I do feel he’s in need since he’s got clinical depression and now it is even harder for him to cope. My children bring him joy but it is just so hard to get everything done when we go over there.

With our kids in school, forty minutes round-trip away and outside activities and trying to cook and clean and homeschool and nurse a baby, I just feel like a mad woman some days. Sorry this is so long but felt I needed to explain. Please advise because I do want to help and support him but I feel overwhelmed.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

What you and your husband have an obligation to do is to fulfill your duty to show honor and devotion to parents by taking care of your father-in-law. But how you do so is up to you. What this means is that if the current arrangement isn’t working out, you are free to come up with creative solutions that work better. For example, could your father-in-law stay with your family at your home until your husband’s relatives are able to move into your father-in-law’s home with him? Since his grandchildren give him joy, he might be willing and able to help you care for them and to pitch in with chores around the house (and even with homeschooling), which could in turn alleviate his depression.

If that isn’t possible, or if your father-in-law’s depression is so severe that he cannot work with you to make the situation easier for you, then you and your husband may have to consult with your father-in-law’s doctor or with a social worker experienced in elder care for alternative solutions that meet your father-in-law’s needs while preserving your own sanity and ability to care for the rest of your family. You may also want to consult with the Pastoral Solutions Institute, a Catholic counseling apostolate, for more ideas and assistance.