How do I help my boyfriend understand?

[PuellaDeShulam]

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I am very much Catholic while he is not, though he belives in God and is wonderfully respectful of my beliefs. However we have reached a point where it no longer works for me to do my thing and he to do his; we know we need to begin dialoging more in-depth and come to a deeper understanding of what the other believes in order to continue moving towards a future together (which we both want very much, but I doubt I can be happy with if I can’t walk in faith with him). He is open to conversion, but my problem is that I don’t know how to explain Catholicism to him! I’ve touched on some of the basic facts, vocab and such but I’m afraid of overwhelming him, not making sense, or just sounding silly. He wants me to get to the heart of it and tell him what my religion means for me, for us, and for him, but how do I begin?!

Please tell me what you think would be helpful/important to share with him, this is a beautiful opportunity and I don’t want to mess it up.

 

[Acapiteadcalcem]

Hi Puella;

First, I would get your boyfriend enrolled in his local RCIA programme or speak to his local parish priest about receiving instruction in the faith.

Secondly, you could read books/articles on the faith together and discuss them. In this way, you will both be deepening your faith together. There’s lots of good material on Catholic Answers website under the ‘Faith’ tab (go to the This Rock magazine or Library for lots of good articles).

Thirdly, you could pray together. Start a novena or pray the rosary daily (even together on Skype!). This is perhaps the most important step, since our faith is not a purely intellectual activity but above all a relationship with Christ. Praying together will deepen your relationship like nothing else…

Good luck!

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I suggest you get the book ‘Catholicism for Dummies’ and use that to help you explain things for him. it is important to explain why our faith is different from other religions and what that means for your life. I’d emphasise that God is a person and that we are called to seek him in a special way. And then you explain why the church is crucial for that.
Step by step.

 

[supertubos]

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I am very much Catholic while he is not, though he belives in God and is wonderfully respectful of my beliefs. However we have reached a point where it no longer works for me to do my thing and he to do his; we know we need to begin dialoging more in-depth and come to a deeper understanding of what the other believes in order to continue moving towards a future together (which we both want very much, but I doubt I can be happy with if I can’t walk in faith with him). He is open to conversion, but my problem is that I don’t know how to explain Catholicism to him! I’ve touched on some of the basic facts, vocab and such but I’m afraid of overwhelming him, not making sense, or just sounding silly. He wants me to get to the heart of it and tell him what my religion means for me, for us, and for him, but how do I begin?!

Please tell me what you think would be helpful/important to share with him, this is a beautiful opportunity and I don’t want to mess it up.

That is a long story. If you want it I can help. But it should be maybe by email, I do not know for I should ask a lot of questions first, I am new here but it seems people may send private messages.

Tell what you want …cheers

 

[Dorothy]

An important point to remember is that if one converts to please another and not because they are convinced of the truth of Catholicism, that is a problem.

 

[PuellaDeShulam]

An important point to remember is that if one converts to please another and not because they are convinced of the truth of Catholicism, that is a problem.

That is something I have thought of, because he’s talked about his conversion as “the only way i can make this work”. Hence why I want to help him understand Christ as a reality, as a person that he can have his own relationship with.

I will definitely suggest RCIA to him. I would trust catechists to teach him better than I can, while I could begin praying with him and God of course would be the one working in his heart.

Thank you for all your suggestions so far.

 

[Binary]

I suggest you get the book ‘Catholicism for Dummies’ and use that to help you explain things for him. it is important to explain why our faith is different from other religions and what that means for your life. I’d emphasise that God is a person and that we are called to seek him in a special way. And then you explain why the church is crucial for that.
Step by step.

I suggest this book as well. I gave a copy to a protestant girl I was dating and she really enjoyed it, and it led to some good conversations between us. Then she broke up with me and married some other guy. Anyway, best of luck to you!

 

[Allegra]

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I am very much Catholic while he is not, though he belives in God and is wonderfully respectful of my beliefs. However we have reached a point where it no longer works for me to do my thing and he to do his; we know we need to begin dialoging more in-depth and come to a deeper understanding of what the other believes in order to continue moving towards a future together (which we both want very much, but I doubt I can be happy with if I can’t walk in faith with him). He is open to conversion, but my problem is that I don’t know how to explain Catholicism to him! I’ve touched on some of the basic facts, vocab and such but I’m afraid of overwhelming him, not making sense, or just sounding silly. He wants me to get to the heart of it and tell him what my religion means for me, for us, and for him, but how do I begin?!

Please tell me what you think would be helpful/important to share with him, this is a beautiful opportunity and I don’t want to mess it up.

You could tell him to look at this website! But it sounds like he wants to talk to you about it, not strangers. You should tell him how important the church is in your life, how your spirituality effects you now, and how you want Christ to be part of your future life and that of your family.

 

[PuellaDeShulam]

the family aspect is greatly important. Fortunately we see eye to eye on a lot of things like openness to life.
I’m thinking I will have to start with telling him about how important it is to have Christ in my life, and then explaining the church will make more sense. He is on his way back from fighting wildland fires so I am very glad to be getting my thoughts organized now!

and Binary, I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t work out but its good to know that someone else also found the book helpful

 

[fred_conty]

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I am very much Catholic while he is not, though he belives in God and is wonderfully respectful of my beliefs. However we have reached a point where it no longer works for me to do my thing and he to do his; we know we need to begin dialoging more in-depth and come to a deeper understanding of what the other believes in order to continue moving towards a future together (which we both want very much, but I doubt I can be happy with if I can’t walk in faith with him). He is open to conversion, but my problem is that I don’t know how to explain Catholicism to him! I’ve touched on some of the basic facts, vocab and such but I’m afraid of overwhelming him, not making sense, or just sounding silly. He wants me to get to the heart of it and tell him what my religion means for me, for us, and for him, but how do I begin?!

Please tell me what you think would be helpful/important to share with him, this is a beautiful opportunity and I don’t want to mess it up.

Hi,
He wants your conviction on your faith and hear it in your voice and see the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about it. Otherwise its over. It’s not about content at this point.
Content comes later. Talk to him why YOU are excited about your faith, and not why we are excited. It has to come from within you.

I am a senior, and your probably about my grandchildren’s age. My best advice to you is
marriage is about the most important decision you will ever make. It will affect your happiness and life in so many ways. Don’t start it out with a headach because it is just difficult enough as it is. Find someone else. There are billions of people. Find one that you can really become one with and you will be so much the better, not for a day, or a week, or a year, but for your life. I’m saying this as your spiritual grandfather for your best interest.

Pray to Mary everyday that she arranges for you to meet the dream your deserve. Those that do, do meet their wonderful guy who is gentle and good. Pray for him! Mary is waiting to hear from you.

 

[PuellaDeShulam]

Thank you, as much as I don’t want to think of it, I know I have to be open to the possibility that this is not the man God has chosen for me. I think you are right that what he needs to hear is my conviction. This is where I begin to think God is doing as much for me as He is for my boyfriend in this situation, because I have always been afraid to “announce from the rooftops” the happiness in my heart. I will certainly take your advice and pray to the Blessed Mother.

 

[AntalKalnoky]

Some Great advice here; I’de like to add The Key Point: Different Religions turn out causing the Biggest Problems; I’ve seen it also in my parents: My nominal Protestant Mom left my ideal CXatholic Dad with us 2 youngest children. She never found happiness; my Ideal Father died alone, Broken Hearted, of too early Cancer.
RCIA beggining Sept is The great Test: if he doesn’t like it, he won’t be compatible with you lifetime. And “Catholicism for Dummies” is the outstanding first read. See how he reacts and why!.

 

[jflare29]

Thank you, as much as I don’t want to think of it, I know I have to be open to the possibility that this is not the man God has chosen for me. I think you are right that what he needs to hear is my conviction. This is where I begin to think God is doing as much for me as He is for my boyfriend in this situation, because I have always been afraid to “announce from the rooftops” the happiness in my heart. I will certainly take your advice and pray to the Blessed Mother.

Boy, I understand only too well how this can be painful, though slightly more obliquely. My sister married a man who didn’t precisely attend church much during his youth; I sometimes wonder about how to teach my nieces (God-daughters). One of their cousins examined Catholic faith within the past few years, I understand she suffered an unfortunate conflict prior to Confirmation. According to my sister, my nieces’ cousin will be VERY unwilling to even consider Catholic faith. I keep wondering if some of that…angst…will be a problem for my nieces.

I think the only additional advice I can offer mirrors what others have written: Pray, help him learn, let him contemplate what he truly believes. He can’t make the choice under any particular…human inducement…but neither will you have an easy time of letting him go if he decides he doesn’t share your faith.

May the love of Christ go with you both.