How do I keep strong and defend my faith when I'm outnumbered?

[Max]

Hi, I realized recently that my faith in the Catholic Church isn’t as strong as I’d like it to be. Normally I accept what it teaches, but whenever my older brother gets into these debates about Catholicism being corrupt I get a little confused and I feel like my faith diminishes just a little. I think it’s because I don’t know how to properly defend my faith…

I get taken aback at some of the things he says about the Church, and I even start questioning the practices or teachings that my brother argues against.

But, then there are times when I do know the answer to the teaching/practice in question, but I just don’t know how to say it. When I try to explain and rebut his statements, I start to stutter and end up phrasing what I say wrong.

Then, my brother responds with a statement such as “What the hell are you talking about? Max, you’re such an idiot…” and then makes an almost convincing sounding counterpoint against my weak sounding argument, and ends it by ridiculing me again usually by calling me something like “moron.” I never learn to keep silent, because when I do speak up I get ridiculed and a better argument is given in response to what I say.

Then, after a few more attempts at defending my faith and going through that same cycle as mentioned above, I’m finally at a loss for words and walk away frustrated. It also doesn’t help that my mom kind of agrees with him, since they both agree that “none of the religions have it right, they’re all corrupt in some way.”

Should I give up my attempts at arguing with them? Should I just keep my silence and completely stay out of it? It just saddens me that I’m pretty awful at defending what I’ve come to love and respect so much now. I just wish that my mom and brother had enough courage to debate with my dad…now he’s an excellent debater. It’s nearly impossible to win an argument with him…haha, I’ve tried.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Max:

Then, my brother responds with a statement such as “What the hell are you talking about? Max, you’re such an idiot…” and then makes an almost convincing sounding counterpoint against my weak sounding argument, and ends it by ridiculing me again usually by calling me something like “moron.”
…
Then, after a few more attempts at defending my faith and going through that same cycle as mentioned above, I’m finally at a loss for words and walk away frustrated. It also doesn’t help that my mom kind of agrees with him, since they both agree that “none of the religions have it right, they’re all corrupt in some way.”

First off, you do not have to take being called names or ridiculed. “Listen, Bro, you can either be civilized or forget it. If you want me to listen, show me some respect. If you can’t do that, we need another subject.” Then let him grouse to himself, if he wants. But if he is civilized, really listen to what he has to say. He may really be pointing out something for you to think about.

You need to learn your faith better, but it is okay to say, “I may not be able to explain everything as I should, but that doesn’t make you right about religion. I mean, you’re pretty cynical, aren’t you? You run down the attempts of other people to be good, but do you really do better yourself?” When he starts attacking your explanations, you can say, “You’re right, I don’t know the answer. I’m going to have to go learn about that.” And after that, just refuse the conversation and ignore his rants.

Your strength is that you know people whose intelligence and holiness you respect, and you know they are right and your brother is not. You don’t need to doubt the faith, only your grasp of it. And if your brother shakes your tree and gets you to learn things better, well, that’s not such a bad thing.

 

[Max]

But if he is civilized, really listen to what he has to say. He may really be pointing out something for you to think about.

Good point. I’ve actually tried to remember the exact kinds of things he was talking about, but I don’t have great memory either, so by the time I would be able to research it my memory of the exact topic is gone.

First off, you do not have to take being called names or ridiculed. “Listen, Bro, you can either be civilized or forget it. If you want me to listen, show me some respect. If you can’t do that, we need another subject.”

Problem with that is, there are very few things my older brother and I can talk about without him ridiculing me. I guess he’s grown to resent me, and as a result of that I kind of resent him. Oh well, maybe I should forget about debating with him altogether, he’s a waste of my time. But still, he’s not the only one who does it, I also have friends who are all better debaters than I could ever hope to be. Any more suggestions anyone?

 

[Greg_McPherran]

“If God is for us who can be against us?” - St. Paul

 

[Grayton]

I am often in a family gathering where many family members like to spout off against the Church. After some fruitless discussions over the years, I decided to ignore much of the discussion, and even leave the room to talk to other relatives about a different topic. Of course, I pray for them daily.

Each of them know where I stand, and if they want to have a serious and civil discussion, they know that I am ready.

You will often hear apologists on Catholic Answers state that, in most cases, a relative is the last person that someone will listen to in order to hear the truth about the faith. It is often easier for a nonrelative to get a fair hearing. Sometimes the best a relative can do is put a book or a tract (like the ones you can download free at the Catholic Answers website) in their hands.

 

[Didi]

I can relate to you, Max. I, too, am the lone Catholic of my siblings and often feel pounced upon when we gather as a family. I have learned over the years not to argue, but if they ask a sincere question I try to answer or tell them I’ll look it up and send them informaiton on it.

Remember that Truth, which is Jesus, is on your side. People can create all kinds of intellectual arguments against the faith, and sometimes even sound somewhat logical, but if they are against the Truth, then it is all for nought.

Call on Jesus and our Mother Mary when you are confronted. Ask them for help to know whether to speak or to be silent. Sometimes a silent and respectful answer can speak volumes. If you feel compelled to speak, ask Our Lord for the right words.

Not too long ago we had a mini-family reunion with some cousins and my aunt (who is Catholic, but Democrat). She started in on Bush and his corruption and many other issues with another family member, then looked at me and said “Isn’t that right?” I said, “Aunt Mary, my Dad taught me to respect my elders, and we’re not going to agree on this subject, so let’s not talk politics and ruin our day.”

She was a bit stunned, but I think it gave her something to think about. Doing it respectfully speaks volumes, as opposed to how your brother seems to treat you.

 

[littleflower7]

Keep on trucking! My dad and his side of the family have been trying to bait me and explain how wrong my religion is for years. A few results:
-I am much more motivated to learn the truth than I ever would have been
-I know the Bible better than I ever would have
-I am much more aware of the richness God has given us in the Catholic Church
-I love Jesus more deeply than I would have ever thought possible and it’s all because they made me learn more about the Eucharist and the beauty of his plan for me

None of this happened the way they would have thought. They would have believed that I would have to turn my back on organized religion, especially the Catholic Church. They did just the opposite, however, and prompted me to learn more about the faith. Explaining things to them has also helped me figure things out in my own head and get more solid in my beliefs, so don’t stop just because you get frustrated.

A few things to keep in mind, though,
-Never let it become an argument, always be charitable, ask for the words you need to say, and the grace to know when and how to walk away
-If you don’t know an answer, admit it, but tell whoever you’re talking to you can find one if they really want to know
-Don’t just stick to their topics, try to challenge their beliefs
-Use resources (the Bible, Catholic Answers tracts, books, etc) you don’t have to make up any of your own explanations;there are hundreds of saints and theologians who have answered the same objections we have to, and they do it better than we ever could
-Pray before, during, and after any discussions

Oh, and keep Thomas Aquinas in mind Max. He is one of the greatest theologians of the church, yet in school he was nicknamed the Dumb Ox. Just because some people call you stupid, moron, whatever, doesn’t mean you don’t have something great to add to the church.

 

[Maggie]

Max, without meaning any disrespect to your brother, he’s a bully. The reason he uses you for target practice and not your father is because he knows he’ll lose to your father. He would rather pick on someone he sees as weaker. So instead of focusing on being stronger than someone who is not interested in actually fighting fair, focus on God. When your brother starts to attack you, your faith or the Church, pray. Don’t bother arguing, if he insists on an answer tell him he has plenty of resources where he could find out the correct answers…that he chooses not to makes you sad, but that it is not your responsibility and you will continue to pray for him. If he continues to badger you, say simply, I’m sorry, (in the tone that says you’re sorry for him not to him) but I have nothing further to say. If you need me to give you the name of a priest that would be able to assist you, I’d be happy to, but until you are ready to be open to the truth there is no point in me discussing this with you. And then walk away. One thing about manipulators (which class bullies fall into) is that they aren’t accustomed to being called on it.

Two things on the above advice… The pray part comes first. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide above all. Secondly, should the latter part of the advice become necessary, it will do two things… it will help you to truly believe that you don’t need to take his abuse, and you will become stronger in your own sense of rightness. You know where your faith is and that you belong to the Church that Christ established. Your brother’s abuse does chip away at that and this repairs the damage. Additionally, praying in his presence brings spiritual protection when you most need it. Good luck and God Bless you.