How do I know if this is God's calling for me?

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SoConfused

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I have suffered with depression and anxiety issues ever since I was 14 years old. I went all through high school and college never thinking twice about becoming a nun. I’m judgemental, I curse, I don’t read the bible, barely pray, I go to church every Sunday, but I don’t feel any real draw to it, so why than all of a sudden do I feel the urge to become a nun? It’s really confusing to me and I have been hearing it for a few months now. I don’t know if it’s me talking in my head or if it is something real. Also it confuses me based on the fact that I always felt like I was meant to be married and have a family. It’s gotten so bad that I refuse to watch any shows dealing with marriage because I will start crying thinking that I will never have that. I have been feeling really bad this week (knot in my stomach, loss of appetite, I no longer enjoy doing the things I use to, suicidal) and I feel that if this is what God wants me to do than why do I feel so bad? I also have to mention that I really am a lonely individual I don’t have any friends, I pretty much work and than spend all my free time at home. Still living with my parents. Maybe I’m just lonely?
 
Dear SoConfused,

you have a whole family here, including all the saints and angels let alone everyone on this forum, so don’t let yourself go another day lonely. Don’t try to ‘go it alone’, no-one deserves that.

God calls each of us differently, and talking with others certainly will help you to discern your situation. Do you have any groups or ministries in your parish that you can ‘try-out’, and get to know other people, and more about your faith? If not, there is much info available online, and plenty of good people here to talk to.

Finally, if you’d like to talk, I or others here can give you a call. Just ask.

YBIC,

Gary R.
 
Don’t get anxious about this. I don’t know whether this is coming from God or from yourself. I think you’ll have to figure that out, and the only way to really do that is to pray.
SoConfused said:
…I’m judgemental, I curse, I don’t read the bible, barely pray, I go to church every Sunday, but I don’t feel any real draw to it, …
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Perhaps it is time to change these things.

You may want to focus at least for now, on just developing a relationship with the Lord, getting to know Him, spending some regular time with Him. Take the vocation issue to Him and leave it in His hands. Try not to stew over it, because you may just make yourself more anxious.
 
garyr: Thank you so much for your kind words. I have tried to talk to my parents about this and my dad was really upset about it at first. My mom is a little more open minded though she suggests I should try to fix my depression and anxiety before I make any kind of permanent decision and not to rush anything that I do still have time.

Sister Rose: I have been trying to decipher if it is just me in my head or if it is God calling me. I haven’t quite felt myself at all this week and I also find that I seem to have to force myself to pray it doesn’t come naturally to me. I talked with a lady today and she said that a girl who is becoming a nun just felt God in her heart and I don’t feel that. It’s just very difficult for me right now.
 
I have gone through a VERY similar situation. I have felt exactly as you do, exactly. Yo sound just like me. Anxiety, depression, certain personality difficulties, only felt called recently, etc. etc. (though a significant difference would be that i was in a relationship and it ended partly because of me being confused about where i needed to go). It is amazing how similar our feelings are. So I would like to suggest that it is very important to pray. Just set aside an hour, or as long as you need, and explain everything to God. And write it down as well. I would also recommend going to confession and doing some spiritual reading and research about communities, and see how you feel.
I am not finished in my process of figuring things out, but these things have helped me. Things will clarify in time. It will take a while, and it is not easy, but they will. <3
 
SoConfused said:
I have suffered with depression and anxiety issues ever since I was 14 years old. I went all through high school and college never thinking twice about becoming a nun. I’m judgemental, I curse, I don’t read the bible, barely pray, I go to church every Sunday, but I don’t feel any real draw to it, so why than all of a sudden do I feel the urge to become a nun? It’s really confusing to me and I have been hearing it for a few months now. I don’t know if it’s me talking in my head or if it is something real. Also it confuses me based on the fact that I always felt like I was meant to be married and have a family. It’s gotten so bad that I refuse to watch any shows dealing with marriage because I will start crying thinking that I will never have that. I have been feeling really bad this week (knot in my stomach, loss of appetite, I no longer enjoy doing the things I use to, suicidal) and I feel that if this is what God wants me to do than why do I feel so bad? I also have to mention that I really am a lonely individual I don’t have any friends, I pretty much work and than spend all my free time at home. Still living with my parents. Maybe I’m just lonely?
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:hug1:

try to develop your relationship with God. A person’s vocation is based on love, not on fear or confusion. It doesn’t mean you DON’T have a vocation, maybe you do. But I think maybe now it’s not very clear. Try to just come closer to God… maybe He is simply calling you closer to Himself 🙂 try to understand how much He loves you. Go to Mass and talk to Him from your heart. I often feel lonely too, but Jesus is our Best Friend, and He loves each person completely, entirely… just talk to Him and tell Him everything you’re going through.

take a look at this
osv.com/Portals/0/images/pdf/SecretFireMeditation.pdf

it’s from a book about Mother Teresa, and it’s a prayer/meditation about how Jesus sees us.

God bless you 🙂
 
Another issue I have is the prayer part of it. I feel like my praying is very forced it doesn’t come from my heart and I don’t know how to fix that. Just last week I was so depressed over not having a boyfriend and how much I wanted to get married and have children. Than Saturday it’s almost as if all passion for life has just been sucked out of me. I never really even feel comfortable at church and half the time I’m like a robot just going through the motions. I feel like if this is my calling than why am I not more joyous about it? My mother made a comment to me last night that religious sisters are HAPPY in their vocations and that I’m not happy in fact sometimes I am very angry with God. I have gone through thoughts of suicide at times and I always blame him. I ask him why he put me in this body, why he makes me suffer, and I believe my problem is deeper than just not knowing where I am going in life. I’m going to see my doctor tomorrow to ask about possibly being put back on my anti-depressants and maybe get my thyroid checked to see if there is an underlying problem. I just don’t see how I can be so distraught and devastated over not being in a relationship, to just not caring about any of the things I use to. I feel that my so called “calling” is just due to racing thoughts in my head. I may have been lonely, but I was at least slightly content with my life. I feel like I have lost myself :(:crying:
 
SoConfused said:
Another issue I have is the prayer part of it. I feel like my praying is very forced it doesn’t come from my heart and I don’t know how to fix that. Just last week I was so depressed over not having a boyfriend and how much I wanted to get married and have children. Than Saturday it’s almost as if all passion for life has just been sucked out of me. I never really even feel comfortable at church and half the time I’m like a robot just going through the motions. I feel like if this is my calling than why am I not more joyous about it? My mother made a comment to me last night that religious sisters are HAPPY in their vocations and that I’m not happy in fact sometimes I am very angry with God. I have gone through thoughts of suicide at times and I always blame him. I ask him why he put me in this body, why he makes me suffer, and I believe my problem is deeper than just not knowing where I am going in life. I’m going to see my doctor tomorrow to ask about possibly being put back on my anti-depressants and maybe get my thyroid checked to see if there is an underlying problem. I just don’t see how I can be so distraught and devastated over not being in a relationship, to just not caring about any of the things I use to. I feel that my so called “calling” is just due to racing thoughts in my head. I may have been lonely, but I was at least slightly content with my life. I feel like I have lost myself :(:crying:
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A couple of things that have helped me and I hope they do the same for you.
Have you ever tried praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy?
ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm

If you dont feel like saying the entire thing, which only takes around 5 minutes, try using the main prayer as a short exclamation during the day.
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

Offer up your sufferings too. Say to Jesus something like I offer these things up in reparation for my sins and for the sins of the world.

By all means go to confession once a month, its what John Paul II called “frequent confession.” As for the Mass you arent really there to get anything out of it anyway you are there to give, and no not just your cash at collection time :p. You are there to give yourself spiritually. If you say but I have nothing to give the Lord at Mass then give Him your nothingness.
 
Wow! I can relate to you, despite it being 8 years later from your original postings. I’m curious where life’s at now for you and whether or not your Vocation calling was to become a nun or not, and most especially where your faith journey of a relationship with Christ is at. Whenever you’re ready to come back to posting on this forum, I’m here praying for you and to be supportive, dear sister-in-Christ, no matter what. ~Peace
 
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