It sounds like the situation has deteriorated. I’m sorry as hell to hear that.
So many men would be entrhalled with a wife who bore him a child, raised him (perhaps single-handedly), runs his business, pays his bills while he’s not working, does all the praying for the family and I’d assume any of the housework while he’s inconveniently out at dance lessons, salons and strip clubs.
Instead he wants someone young, thin and sexy? How shallow, callous and saprophytic.
And I felt awful when I played a video game for 20 minutes yesterday while my wife fed our daughter… and boy did she let me hear it. I deserved it, though, there were other things that needed to be done, but that’s besides the point.
With emotional and verbal abuse and neglect, this is becoming a dangerous place for you and your son. You have the right to seek help for your own safety and your son’s safety. Whether that help takes the form of an order of protection and a legal divorce, or intervention by trusted friends, family and counselors, is up to you.
His lack of concern for his son is condemnable. His lack of concern for you is, well, eternally destructive to him. And I say that with no sense of the dramatic. He swore obedience to you before God, and God remembers the sins of the wicked.
How to do this practically depends on how you want to proceed. Note, I’m a child of divorce and I abhor the idea of it, but I recognize it is necessary sometimes. If one assumes both spouses can be reasonable and selfless, there should never be a reason for divorce - of course, if both spouses are reasonable and selfless, there wouldn’t be a need for the notion to be mentioned in the first place.
If you wish to salvage the marriage, force him to come to the table and attend counseling with you:
- Establish a separate bank account for yourself that you alone have access to.
- Transfer all proceeds due to you from the business to this account - make sure this is the pay you’re entitled to, otherwise you could wind up in legal trouble, especially if divorce is inevitable.
- Close his access to new funds - whether from the business, savings, or personal credit cards.
- File a restraining order against the girl. Why bother waiting for her to threaten you?
- Demand counseling. If he refuses, kick him out of the home and change the locks.
If you wish to leave the marriage (and your suffering abuse is a valid reason) then do what you need to secure for your son and yourself and begin moving on:
- Secure all funds that you can claim ownership of. If you’re the bookkeeper, you’ll know what I mean - the proceeds and distributions due to you. Cut off any access he has to these funds.
- If you have joint ownership of the business (ie, you file jointly and have responsibility with him for the business’s liabilities), begin liquidation or sale of the business. Tell him that you either want to be bought out or you’ll sell the business.
- If you don’t have ownership in the business, tell him you’re quitting. This will force him to work to keep his shop open.
- Pack your essentials and go. It would help if you had any relatives or friends sympathetic to you but not him. Go somewhere he can’t find you.
- Hire an attorney with the perspective of a quick and clean separation. No custodial rights - for a son to see his father whoring around is a form of sexual molestation that will harm the boy’s relationships in the future. Don’t worry about seizing every asset you could lay claim to - just get the writ of divorce and walk away.
Your husband’s selfishness, myopia and absurd self-centered lifestyle all but forces your hand here. I’ll keep you and your son in my prayers, and I’ll pray for your husband too that he be cut to the heart and turn away from his wretched choices.
