How do I raise devout Catholics?

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Maranatha

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In light our overwhelming secular culture what could I do to minimize the chances that my children will fall away from the Catholic Church? (I don’t want them to make the same mistakes that I’ve made)
 
I have a 2 suggestions, but these come from my experience being raised in a Catholic family, not from raising children myself:

1.) Make the Faith a living part of your family life. It’s not just something that we do for an hour on Sundays. Fill your home with reminders of Christ and His Church (crucifixes, statues, icons, candles, etc). Involve your family in parish life.

2.) Encourage your children to ask questions about the Faith. This is not doubt, it’s a sincere wish for understanding. If you don’t know the answer, find out. A corollary: always make it evident that there are reasons for what we believe. It shocked me when I discovered this as a teenager.
I hope others will give you some more ideas.
 
Talk, discuss, learn about the faith together as a family - APOLOGETICS - arm the kids with knowledge…
 
To continue my earlier post – as a convert, I feel it is so important to arm Catholic youth. Many evangelical/non-Catholic groups see Catholics as “easy pickings” for conversion – and sadly many Catholics are L

My son is 14, and is very well versed in apologetics – he is learning what he believes, WHY he believes it, and what others believe. He can answer many of the hard questions about our Faith, and he is learning the basics of what the non-Catholic churches teach. When your teen son takes your copy of Belloc’s “Great Heresies” to read at school, you know that he is building his own faith J

Also, be sure that they know the Bible – that can be an achillie’s heel. When they begin talking to other Christians about the Bible and the Catholic young person does not know the Bible – that can lead to doubt about the rest of the Faith.

Learn the Faith and live the Faith.
 
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Maranatha:
In light our overwhelming secular culture what could I do to minimize the chances that my children will fall away from the Catholic Church? (I don’t want them to make the same mistakes that I’ve made)
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I wish I had an answer for you. I’m trying to figure this one out myself. My daughter, 15, refuses to go to Mass and wants me to let her alone to figure it out for herself. She went to R.E., teen groups, youth choir, involved in other parish activities and now wants nothing to do with the Church. Obviously I’ve done something wrong along the way. I just wish I knew what it was. I’ve tried to get the family to pray together but she never wants to join us. I feel defeated. All I can do is pray and hope for her.
 
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moira:
I wish I had an answer for you. I’m trying to figure this one out myself. My daughter, 15, refuses to go to Mass and wants me to let her alone to figure it out for herself. She went to R.E., teen groups, youth choir, involved in other parish activities and now wants nothing to do with the Church. Obviously I’ve done something wrong along the way. I just wish I knew what it was. I’ve tried to get the family to pray together but she never wants to join us. I feel defeated. All I can do is pray and hope for her.
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Don’t beat yourself up as your daughter not wanting to go to church somewhow being your fault. As an American teenager, it sounds more like she’s just trying to figure out her identity and is struggling with it as most teens do. It sounds like you did everything you could, and the number one thing you can do is pray for her (which you’re doing.)

As a story to give you hope, my brother has fought my parents since junior high (and he’s now a junior in college) on going to Mass and participating in anything faith related. He would sometimes grudgingly go to Mass and do everything in his power to make the rest of us miserable. Getting away to college, he pretty much quit going to Mass altogether. He had to experience some loneliness, some failures, and lack of true happiness and peace in his life to really “thirst” for Christ in his life again. A couple months ago, he called me and said he’d been to Mass several weeks in a row and was really enjoying it. He kept calling and asking questions about the faith, and has been getting involved a little bit in his campus ministry center. It’s been awesome and something I wasn’t sure I’d ever see. Trust in God, and pray lots!
 
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moira:
I wish I had an answer for you. I’m trying to figure this one out myself. My daughter, 15, refuses to go to Mass and wants me to let her alone to figure it out for herself. She went to R.E., teen groups, youth choir, involved in other parish activities and now wants nothing to do with the Church. Obviously I’ve done something wrong along the way. I just wish I knew what it was. I’ve tried to get the family to pray together but she never wants to join us. I feel defeated. All I can do is pray and hope for her.
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I can somewhat relate. Our 17 yr old son has not stopped going to Mass and says he believes, but his words and behavior don’t always match. He’s in a good youth group, grew up with apologetics and was in a great Catholic boys club. Apparently he’s going through a “who am I?” and “why am I here?” phase. I think it’s as much spiritual as emotional, but he doesn’t want to talk to a priest. We know some wonderful, young priests who he’s comfortable with- but he doesn’t want to talk w/’ them. I can’t make him. Pray, sacrifice and be a good example. —KCT
 
I have to agree with Dr. Colossus on this one. The more the faith is engrained in a family and with a lot of love, the more apt your children are to remain Catholic.

Also find a great Catechism program and continue to teach them throughout their teenage years. Far to many people let their children leave catechism after Confirmation. If your parish does not have a program or a good program for catechism for high school children. Father Hardon, NCE and many other very good programs are always available.

The family rosary is great because I can testify to the fact that it is what brought me back to the faith.

Most of all children should not be given a choice to go or not. I have always taught my children that if they live under my roof they will go to Mass. But I would always like them to go with love. But as a child is with their parents even if they don’t love us sometimes they always come back around.

Most of all teach them from birth the love of Christ…
 
  1. Eliminate or minimize TV watching. There are so many unhealthy messages in the modern TV shows. Children cannot help but absorb this stuff if they watch a lot of TV. Be careful even with the so called children’s shows because they may be subtly including acceptance of homosexual behavior and other inappropriate lifestyles. It’s best to have one family TV and the entire family can watch together. (Just like the “old days”.)
  2. Pray a family rosary every night. Allow each child to lead a decade.
  3. Play Catholic board games and provide children’s Catholic reading material (fiction and nonfiction).
  4. Celebrate church holy days and special saint’s days at home (mini parties, decorations, etc.) in addition to attending mass.
  5. Make Sunday a special day. Have a special family meal Sunday afternoon where all family members are present around the table. Light candles on the table and make it seem extra special. Little kids love this kind of thing. Help the children realize that the special Sunday dinner is to honor the Lord’s day.
  6. Make sure kids say their prayers every night. Pray over them as they leave for school every morning.
  7. Consider home schooling.
  8. Make sure the kids are attending CCD and encourage them in the material they are learning.
  9. Talk about the saints and tell stories of the saints and how they handled difficult situations.
  10. Be careful to emphasize holiness in life over worldly success.
  11. Teach the children to be charitable by asking them to help you take food to elderly neighbors or visit nursing homes. Children also like to make cards and gifts for the sick or elderly.
  12. Be an example of love and forgiveness in your family.
Good luck. :tiphat:
 
I just read a great book on the subject of teens and their religious beliefs: Soul Searching by Christian Smith, Oxford University Press. It is based on a study, the National Study on Youth and Religion (NSYR). It devotes a chapter to Catholic teens in particular, I suggest reading it.

All of the previous posts seem to be right on the money, but here are couple of things I pulled out from the book:
  1. Kids religious beliefs/practices more often mirror their parents’. Conventional wisdom says that teens will seek independence by rejecting their parents religion, but the study showed they identify with it. So you want devout Catholics? then be a devout Catholic! (no guarantee, but it can’t hurt).
  2. Get your kids involved in your parish/diocese youth activities. The study showed that the more interactions per week the kids had with their faith-based community (beyond immediate family) the less likely they were to engage in very harmful activites.
My prayers go out to you.
 
This is a really helpful thread. I’m not quite to the teen years with my kids, but I know how fast the first 6 went,so I’m already starting to worry about the whole wanting independence from parent thing.

Right now, I feel like talking about God, and relating Him with everyday occurances in their lives, would be helpful for my kids. My biggest worry is how much is too much. It seems like talking about it too much at times is as harmful as not talking about it at all. I was talking with a young man in his early 20’s who was raised catholic and went to a catholic school, and now absolutely resents anything to do with the religion. He says that he considered being a priest when he was in his teens, but now he wants nothing to do with church. It made me so sad when he told me that, because I can tell that he has the heart for it. I don’t want to do that to my children, but how do you know?
 
Blanka said:
13) Play Catholic board games and provide children’s Catholic reading material (fiction and nonfiction).
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My daughters are 3 1/2 and 4 months. In some ways, I’m planning ahead. The books that I’ve seen at our library and the local Catholic bookstore are above her level. The Bible stories are really meant for adults. What books and games do you suggest?
 
MDM said:
1) Kids religious beliefs/practices more often mirror their parents’. Conventional wisdom says that teens will seek independence by rejecting their parents religion, but the study showed they identify with it. So you want devout Catholics? then be a devout Catholic! (no guarantee, but it can’t hurt).
My prayers go out to you.
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Thanks,
I’m a lector in my Parish and this past Lent when we were solemnly proceeding in to the Church, without music, my 3 /12 year old blurted out “Hi Daddy!” which made most of the congregation laugh. I hope it’s making an impression on her.
 
I think what works is that you help them to ‘fall in love’ with Jesus, with Mary and with the Church from an early age. They will if they see your love for the Church.
My 4 year old recently told me that she was very sad about the death of the Pope and she wanted to cry for him. See we sued to run to the TV after Mass and see the Pope come to the window every Snday for the Angelus. we would blow him kisses and wave to him. Actually it was highly emotional towards the end of John Paul II’s papacy as our 2 year old would shout ‘Pope There!’ when ever she saw him… :(. There’s that lump in the throat again…😦
My 7 year old has just written his letter of congratulations to our new Pope, Pope Benedict XVI. I am just hoping and praying that he gets a relp of some sort.
Jesus, Mary and the Holy Catholic Church are very evident in all we do and I think it fosters love for the Church.
 
For the person who has a 15yr. who refuses to go to church, what are you doing to prevent that from happening next Sunday.

My suggestion is this…she refuses then she loses a privilege. Who is the adult here? It may take sacrifice and work on your part but isn’t it worth it.

If she refused to go to school how would you respond?

If you allow her to remain at home or do something elsewhere then you literally have no backbone.

My sons are 24, 21, and 18…The two older are in college and depend on us financially even though the 2 older ones have part-time jobs…they all attend mass every Sunday. Otherwise, no money, no car, no computer, no phone…you name it. Now they look forward to all of us going together and the family breakfast that usually follows it. In fact, they love even going to visit Churches on Holy Thursday as a family.
 
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stbruno:
For the person who has a 15yr. who refuses to go to church, what are you doing to prevent that from happening next Sunday.

My suggestion is this…she refuses then she loses a privilege. Who is the adult here? It may take sacrifice and work on your part but isn’t it worth it.

If she refused to go to school how would you respond?

If you allow her to remain at home or do something elsewhere then you literally have no backbone.

My sons are 24, 21, and 18…The two older are in college and depend on us financially even though the 2 older ones have part-time jobs…they all attend mass every Sunday. Otherwise, no money, no car, no computer, no phone…you name it. Now they look forward to all of us going together and the family breakfast that usually follows it. In fact, they love even going to visit Churches on Holy Thursday as a family.
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My father used the strong arm tatics with me and my siblings. I spent 18 years away from the Church. Of the six of us, I’m the first (and I hope not the only) one to return. I don’t think I’ll strong arm my children.
 
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Maranatha:
My daughters are 3 1/2 and 4 months. In some ways, I’m planning ahead. The books that I’ve seen at our library and the local Catholic bookstore are above her level. The Bible stories are really meant for adults. What books and games do you suggest?
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I wasn’t sure what ages your children were when I made my original post. Check the various on line Catholic book/gift stores for books, games and toys suitable for very young children. You might want to try bible flash cards for the 3 1/2 yr old. There are nice children’s picture bibles too. It shouldn’t be too hard to find Noah’s Ark toys. You can also play act bible stories with her …like the time Jesus is asleep in the boat and the disciples are scared when a storm comes. For Christmas, make a manger bed for Jesus and allow your daughter to put straw in it everyday while waiting for the birth of Jesus. Tell her how she is making the bed for baby Jesus. Then on Christmas morning, slip a (generic looking) doll in the manger so she can find Jesus in the manger. Read bible stories to your children. Even if some of the books are a little advanced, tell the story in simple language your daughter will understand. There are plenty of saints stories that you can tell in your own words. If you are creative, make a doll that looks like a nun or one of the saints. Sing Catholic songs at home. Young children easily learn the Hail Mary if you sing it. (You know the tune…from the Hail Mary/Gentle Woman song we sing sometimes in church). You can even sing the Hail Mary to your 4 month old! Give your daughter a plastic rosary and let her see that she is like mom who has a rosary. Let church be exciting for her…have a special dress she wears only for church and a special purse to carry her rosary in. Pray with your children. Have religious nightlights in their rooms. Like all of the advice in this thread, the important point is to lead a Catholic life that is apparent to your children. It is a blessing that you are thinking about these things and are concerned while they are still young. So many people wait until their children are teenage and then wonder how to rein them in. Don’t fall for the modern belief that children should be able to choose what faith to believe in. It’s the duty of the parents to provide the teachings of faith and morals to their children. God gives you the authority and responsibility.
God bless you! 👋
 
set a strong example…

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To respond to Maranatha about you and your six siblings falling away from the church. It has been my experience that the reason you fell away from the church was not your father’s strong arm tactics…and believe me, mine are not strong arm, just a strong suggestion…That follows through in our household in teaching responsibility as a member of anything. Members do not go and just attend church…then they are just attendees…Members become church…They do things more than just on Sunday. As a family we work around the church with the soup kitchen, volunteering in the school, becoming active contributors around our parish and community.
That translates in why our children have remained active. Most of the college kids I minister too that have fallen away from the church, don’t go to church not because they are angry with the church…but it never was reinforced, never even explained the importance of church.

If you were to barbecue something…would you place the coals six inches apart from one another and expect the fire to burn brightly and warmly. Of course not. If you want a fire for God to burn brightly in your heart…then the coals need to be piled near and ontop of of for the warmth to expand and light those around it.
If you are apart from church…no warmth, no grace, no energy is expended on the Lord. Teach that to your children. There is no “I” in “Church” is the saying…Kids need formation. As parents we are there to provide it and live it! Not just say it, live it! My sons have gotten that. One teaches religious ed now, the other is an usher in church and one voluntarily coaches soccer in our church. And they always say…if you hadn’t pushed me, when I was a teenager, stayed interested in me…coaxed me and explained how God walks in our life…I probably wouldn’t be here and getting so much out of it. I am sorry if you think I am being authoritarian here…but as parents of teens…we are not to be their friends…but rather their parents. Friendship comes later…when they are adults. My mother still remains to this day my best friend. If my dad were living…he would be too!
 
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