How do I raise my daughter without religion without offending my mom?

[YoungMommy]

I’m 15 and currently pregnant. I attend church when I can, in other words when my parents make me. Lately I have been thinking about my little girl; I DO NOT want to raise her in a religious way because I feel it restricts her options. Many kids raised in a certain faith feel traitorous to go against anything within that faith. I THINK THIS IS HORRIBLE. It restricts the building of their self identity and makes them feel as though they must follow the footsteps of their family by becoming part of that same religion. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t mind in the slightest if my daughter wants to become religious, but I want to give her the liberty to choose which religion she wants to pursue – if any at all. I feel that it doesn’t really matter what religious group you belong to, or if you believe in one god or twenty, so long as it motivates you to be a better peson and helps to positively influence those around you. How should I explain this to my VERY CATHOLIC mom without offending her or making her feel that she will now have to become a religious micromanager in MY daughter’s life?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Congratulations on your daughter! I’m very glad to hear how much you already love your daughter and are planning for her welfare. Religion is a very important issue and it is good that you are already giving it a lot of thought.

It sounds to me that you are saying that you believe religion is important because it can make us good. It can do that, but I should explain that is not the purpose of religion. The word religion comes from roots that mean “to bind.” In other words, religion binds us to God because he is our Creator, the source of all that is good, and deserves our love in return. We are “religious” because we are in a relationship with God. The particular religion we practice is, in part, the result of how we understand our relationship with God. (It is also, in some cases, the result of God’s reaching out to us and showing us how he wants us to be in relationship with him.)

In the Catholic tradition, we love God and we love our neighbors as ourselves. That means our relationship with those closest to us matters in how we relate to God. Catholics also believe in learning not just from books but from people, the elder brothers and sisters in the faith who have lived that faith before us and are entrusted by God to pass that faith on to us. That’s what I gather you would like to do for your daughter. … And that is also what I’m sure that your mother wants to do for her daughter – YOU.

You are 15 years old. You (and your daughter) will be dependent upon your mom for some time. In this time of both joy and trial during your pregnancy, I strongly urge you to turn to your mom for her support, for her guidance, and for her wisdom. Ask her to share with you why her faith is important to her. Ask her to help you find resources to understand that faith more fully. Share with your mom your hopes for your daughter, and your desire for her that she not grow up seeing religion as a burden. Perhaps you and your mom can use this time to grow in your Catholic heritage and rediscover the joy of religion.

And, keep in mind that there is more than one reason to do this. Not only will you give your mother the honor she deserves and joy for your newfound maturity, but you will be setting an example for your daughter in how elders are to be treated. Your daughter will learn just as easily from a bad example as from a good. If you reject your mother’s involvement in your daughter’s religious formation now, do not be surprised to find yourself treated similarly a generation from now when your daughter is expecting your grandchild.

You are in our prayers. God bless.