How do I soften my hardened heart?

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dizzy_dave

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I am a big time sinner who is trying to change his ways, how do I change myself? How do I soften my hardened heart?
 
Dave,
I sometimes feel that I also have a hardened heart. In my case, I think it seems to come from past hurts in my life and my lack of complete forgiveness towards the people that cause the hurt. Also, sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for things. Going to confession always helps me. If God can forgive & love me for my sins, then why can’t I forgive and love those that have hurt me?

Just know that you are not alone. You are obviously a good person or you wouldn’t be asking this question.

Anyway, I will be interested in seeing some of the replies to your thread.

:amen:
Shannin
 
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dizzy_dave:
I am a big time sinner who is trying to change his ways, how do I change myself? How do I soften my hardened heart?
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Dear dizzy_dave,

It’s hard to tell from here. What is hard about your heart? Is it refusal to accept certain doctrine or teachings? Is it grudges against other people or feeling superior to them? Clinging to certain destructive habits?

There are many ways of going about it. You’ve taken the first step and asked for help. I’m certainly not a certified expert, but I’ve softened in a lot of ways in my relationship with many people I used to feel very victimized by. That’s why I ask for more information; not necessarily the gory details if you don’t want to disclose but at least a general category.

Alan
 
Dearest Dave

I always think a hardened heart is a mode of protection, afterall once the heart is opened and softened it is vulnerable, right? Looking at it from this viewpoint, (which is only my view point) we have no need to be hard of heart with God, because God is love and all good as you know and He will never harm you. Perhaps try trusting God first and then see how you feel about people after you have been able to open your heart to Him.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you always

Teresa xxx
 
You can’t do this yourself. I once had a hard heart. I tried and tried to find and do God’s will. But there was always something missing. Until my first retreat about 3 1/2 years ago. At the time I had the chance to really look at myself through God’s eyes. I realized that my heart and soul were, basically, made of stone. But I also noticed a small crack in that stone. I realized that I didn’t have the strength to crack it open myself. So I asked God to enter in through that crack and break it open for me. And He did. He is always faithful. And like Jesus said, if you ask, you will receive.
 
Hi Dave! I find that when I read about our holy religion, it softens my heart. When I read about the economy of salvation, in all its beautiful details, and how everything fits together and makes sense, I find that I am more docile to the truth. I personally find great solace in older books. But there are newer ones, too, that help me. Anyway, my answer would be, in part, reading: it deepens my understanding and opens me up to the truth. St. Padre Pio said we should do some spiritual reading daily (in addition to our prayers).
By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another. Jn 13:35
 
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csr:
Anyway, my answer would be, in part, reading: it deepens my understanding and opens me up to the truth. St. Padre Pio said we should do some spiritual reading daily (in addition to our prayers).
QUOTE]

There’s a huge amount of importance in this, I found by experience. At one time I used to do a lot of spiritual reading, and then I left off, more or less. And looking back, I realise it was the underlying reason for my backsliding.
We need to read spiritual books to feed our souls. It can/should be scripture, and also anything we find nourishing. We don’t need to read a lot - we can read till something strikes us and uplifts us, and that will often move us to pray, at which point, stop reading for as long as we want, to reflect over what we just read and pray about it.
I think this is the principle behind “lectio divina”
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One step at a time. It helped me tremendously. Prayer also helped.
 
You don’t do anything to soften a hard heart, Jesus does it through the Holy Spirit, in the sacraments. Beginning with confession, to prepare yourself to receive Him in the Eucharist, Jesus forgives, heals, and cares for your heart. Prayer is the way you thank Him for this, ask for the grace to approach Him in the sacraments, and praise him, and tell Him you are sorry.
 
From the Scripture: “If today you hear His voice, harden not your heart”…You must always be ready “Nunc Coepi”!As suggested in other post just be open and pray… Annunciata:)
 
I agree with Teresa9’s post, that a hardened heart often comes from a soft heart being hurt in the past, especially if one’s heart has been hurt more than once and possibly repeatedly. Even though my soft heart has been hurt repeatedly I think it has not hardened because each time my heart has been wounded I have cried out to Our Lord for help and He has always helped me heal. I still have a lot of fear about being hurt but my heart hasn’t hardened. I know that Our Lord will help you, too, if you cry out to Him and ask Him to heal your heart for you, to soften your heart once more, to soften your heart for Him. He will do this for you.

Confession also has really helped me with my fears, too. I am not able to stay fearful when I humble myself to Him in Reconciliation. My heart softens when I do my penance, when I receive Holy Communion.

Reach out to Him! If anyone can soften someone He can!
God bless you, my friend!
 
confessing our sins is one of the best ways to soften a hard heart. reading good books is another way. and also asking God to soften our heart. He sometimes does this thru suffering. but He’ll do it.

one thing i’ve found that helps to soften my heart is to read about cool people. like when i read about rich mullins, or mother teresa, or the pope, or st francis of assisi, etc. it really helps.

don’t try to break it all at once - it can be overwhelming that way. just allow Him to gently heat up your cold heart, replacing it with a heart of flesh.
 
You’ve received some great advice already – confession, scriptural reading, reading the lives of the saints, and prayer.

For me, prayer is the most important. Ask Jesus to soften your heart, to bring you closer to Him. BUT, be prepared! The way He may choose to soften your heart might not be anything you’re expecting (but it’s always so much better than anything we could imagine!)

If you’re not already doing so, I strongly encourage a regular hour of Eucharistic Adoration. Many chapels have great materials to read, reflect and pray with. I am often astonished that the book I choose for my hour has some snippet of wisdom that is exactly what I need to hear (Our Lord truly does speak to us – often just not as directly as we’d like!).

One of my favorite prayer books to use during adoration is called “Come to Me in the Blessed Sacrament” by Missionaries of the Blessed Sacrament. It is a book Mother Teresa used often. It will fill you with the love of Our Lord and through Jesus is sure to help soften your heart. www.ACFP2000.com
 
Alan Hi’
I keep commiting the same stupid mortal sins week after week and I know they are wrong but I still do them that’s what I mean by it, I am selfish, neglectful, and don’t treat people very well. I’m very aware of what Jesus expects of me but for some reason I am not doing it.
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AlanFromWichita:
Dear dizzy_dave,

It’s hard to tell from here. What is hard about your heart? Is it refusal to accept certain doctrine or teachings? Is it grudges against other people or feeling superior to them? Clinging to certain destructive habits?

There are many ways of going about it. You’ve taken the first step and asked for help. I’m certainly not a certified expert, but I’ve softened in a lot of ways in my relationship with many people I used to feel very victimized by. That’s why I ask for more information; not necessarily the gory details if you don’t want to disclose but at least a general category.

Alan
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