How do I stop idolizing the person I love?

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analiffey

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I have an issue. When I love someone- I go all the way. I become totally immersed in love for that person. I listen to love songs, write love letters… I guess I’m a romantic; romance is exciting to me. It has been since I was a little girl.

However- I REALLY love this person. I love this guy so much, and I want to do everything right. I have never loved anybody like I love him, and I want things to work out for us. And I realize that to do that, I need to slow down and put God first.

How do I do that? I’ve already become so attached to this person. I think about him all the time. I think of him instead of praying, and he’s the last thing on my mind before I sleep. How do I take a step back, and fall in love with Jesus first? How do I put God first and foremost? How do I let go of him, and put Christ back into the center of my world? Any advice?
 
Get to know him better.
That’s sort of a joke, sort of not. The expression, “Familiarity breeds contempt,” sometimes makes sense.
 
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That doesn’t sound like love. It sounds like fixation. I love my wife because I know everything about her to love. You sound like you don’t know enough to love but you are fixated on an idea Of a person. A character you build in your mind. And that can be dangerous.
 
First of all, and I have to ask, are you in a relationship with this person, @analiffey?
 
How old are you? How long have you been dating? I think if you’re a teenager it is pretty natural, it’s temporary, and sometimes it makes it difficult to concentrate. It’s not really love though.

Make sure that he has good character, and that you have firm physical boundaries set. Do your best to pray and read the catechism, or watch listen to Catholic videos/podcasts. The way you know that Jesus is first, is that you’re willing to give the guy up if necessary.
 
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not yet… his parents don’t want him to date until he is 18
 
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut… that stings, but it did open my eyes
 
Okay, then you are totally over the top in your idolizing. You should not be feeling this about someone you aren’t even dating. You have used the correct word, you are idolizing him, and that is wrong. It doesn’t sound like you have enough of a relationship to actually be in love with him either. You are in love with the idea of being in love.
 
okay. I agree. How do I stop, though? It’s so hard and I don’t know how to begin
 
I felt similar when I first began dating my GF, it took time to figure out how to structure a relationship around God at the center and not structure God around a relationship with the relationship at the center. It’s a matter of personal and spiritual maturity and it takes time.
 
analiffey said:
okay. I agree. How do I stop, though? It’s so hard and I don’t know how to begin
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I’m presuming that if you’re interested in a guy who’s under 18, you too are under 18. (I would hope so anyway, because otherwise you’d be an adult and shouldn’t be crushing on a minor. ) Teenagers often have this sort of obsession going on, mostly because they aren’t in a position to go out and pursue real dating relationships that have ups and downs and are realistic as opposed to driven by fantasies. So your obsessive thinking may simply fizzle out over time when you actually date more. You’re also likely to find out when you get a little older that romance is overrated.

If you truly want to break a habit of obsessively thinking about any person or subject, you just need to remove the thought from your mind every time it comes in. The first few days that might mean telling yourself “Stop” and redirecting your thinking 200 times a day. Then it goes down to 150, 100, 75 etc. Eventually you’re not thinking of the person at all.
 
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Even if you do nothing, this puppy-luv phase will fade on its own.

In the meantime, you need to prioritize your time.
Study time, and hanging out with other people time, and play time and spiritual time…
 
Discern carefully if you are really called to marriage.

That kind of love can be a call to religious life. That is the only place it’s completely normal and usual to love with that kind of wild passion and complete thirst for another who is ofcourse, Jesus Christ .

Like others say it could be the normal hormones of a young person and wear off once you learn to control yourself. But just spend time in prayer and see what God wants for you. His will is always the most important and you won’t know it if you don’t come to him in prayer. Ask God to help you and the grace of self control.
In the meantime try to develop other interests and get involved with things that work towards a healthy spiritual life and do corporal works of mercy. God bless
 
analiffey said:
okay. I agree. How do I stop, though? It’s so hard and I don’t know how to begin
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Every time you think of him, every time you catch yourself idolising, writing love letters or whatever else - remind yourself it’s not real. Remind yourself that you don’t really know him, you love the idea of him. Remind yourself that you don’t want to be so immersed. Then pull yourself back from whatever you were doing/thinking. Go and do something else, something that keeps your mind occupied. It will pass 🙂
 
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