I will try to answer your question, but first I need to comment that at this point your expectations are a bit unrealistic. How likely would it have been that a non-practicing Catholic could influence a committed Jew to convert to Catholicism? Conversion to Catholicism from Judaism by committed Jews is a rare thing; it is usually the result of a moment of tremendous grace – on the order of, say, St. Paul on the road to Damascus, or
Alphonse Ratisbonne knocked to his knees by an apparition of the Blessed Virgin. I’m not saying such conversions don’t happen; only that they are not common.
On the other hand, conversions of lapsed Catholics to Judaism unfortunately is not rare these days, especially when the lapsed Catholic is considering marrying a Jew. Because Jews usually are more strongly opposed to intermarriage than Catholics, there is often tremendous social pressure on the Catholic to either convert or to allow children to be raised Jewish. Keep in mind that I am
not saying that Jews proselytize Catholics away from the Church. They don’t. Judaism frowns on proselytism, not only by other religions toward Jews but by Jews toward members of other religions. But if a Catholic wants to marry a Jew, there will be great resistance on the part of the Jew and his or her family to marrying in the Church or allowing children to be raised Catholic. The Catholic will in turn feel an obligation to convert or allow children to be raised Jewish, especially if he or she is not practicing Catholicism.
Let me stress here that this is not the fault of the Jewish partner to the marriage or his/her family. The Jew and the Jewish family are merely being loyal to their religion and the obligation they recognize to raise Jewish families. The fault is entirely with the Catholic who has lapsed from the Catholic faith, and sees no value in remaining Catholic, marrying a fellow Catholic, and raising a Catholic family. If the Catholic apostasizes and becomes a Jew, the moral culpability for that act of apostasy is his own.
All that said, your only hope for stopping your friend’s conversion is to convince her of the value of her religion. At this point, I doubt that handing her a book to read will suffice. What might help is for
you to read the book linked below, and to find ways to implement its suggestions.
Something else you might try is to invite your friend to Mass with you, and to try to find a solidly orthodox Catholic priest she can speak to about her plans. You might put it this way: “If you’re going to leave Catholicism, shouldn’t you know what it is you are leaving rather than just drift away from the Church? Shouldn’t this be a conscious decision
for Judaism, rather than just an accommodation to your fiance’s religion? If you agree that is important, then coming to Mass with me and speaking to Father about your plans could in fact be logical preparation for this next step in your life.”
This argument is based, by the way, on the experiences of Jewish theologian
Franz Rosenzweig. As a young man uninterested in practicing Judaism, he gave thought to converting to Christianity, but decided that he would convert to Christianity as an observant Jew and not as an uncommitted “pagan.” So he attended the Yom Kippur services one year. He is reported to have had a deep religious experience that convinced him to remain a Jew. I don’t recommend that you pass on this story to your friend right now, but that you learn from it the importance of convincing someone to at least make a conscious decision when it comes to potential conversion, rather than “drifting away” without ever understanding what was left behind.
Recommended reading:
Search and Rescue by Patrick Madrid
