How do I talk to my husband about his addiction to porn?

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When I have tried to talk to my husband in the past about his secretly looking at porn and masturbating, he gets embarrassed and angry at me for mentioning it. I have tried getting angry with him and I even tried talking to him about how it makes me feel to find the “evidence” of his indescretions, but he always repeats his behavior. He tells me that he is trying to stop, but he won’t talk about it any further. He also “jokes” about wanting me to watch pornos with him and about wanting us to have sex with other people. I know he wouldn’t have an affair, but I know that I can’t trust him to go out with friends because they like to go to strip clubs. He will usually lie about this, but will confess about 2 months later. I also have trouble getting him to go to mass.

I don’t know how to reach him on this subject. Any ideas or comments are welcome.
 
Those so called jokes aren’t funny at all:nope: I would say go to a Catholic counselor with him:nope: He goes to strip clubs:eek: Look my brother is on the “wild” side and says that prostitution goes on in those places.Please,you need to have him stop this and if he does not you might consider talking to a priest about this.I hate to say seperate,but he seems to be deeply involved in this and if he does not get help he may stray and bring a disease home:nope: If my husband joked about having sex with other people I would remind him of Loraina Bobbit;) But that is just me:)
 
As I just posted to another thread, www.dads.org is an Excellent site for men to be protected from many evils that we face. Steve Wood has an Excellent program for dads to keep their path on Christ and their family.

After you talk to your husband, suggest this site to him…but you look at it first!
 
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Edwin1961:
As I just posted to another thread, www.dads.org is an Excellent site for men to be protected from many evils that we face. Steve Wood has an Excellent program for dads to keep their path on Christ and their family.

After you talk to your husband, suggest this site to him…but you look at it first!
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I suggest that apart with discussing the subject with him,( it could be that it is a long standing habit,which is dificult to break,also he may not be satisfied with his sex life) the two of you together can discuss the problem with a priest or Catholic Counsellor.

Perhaps he may be under the impression that masturbation is not a serious sin which is generally thought of it,I do not know if I can justify this statement or comment on it, I am looking forward to a Theological Catholic viewpoint on this topic.
 
I have no suggestions for talking to your husband but I recommend that you ask a few really pure saints for help:
St. Catherine of Siena
St. Joseph
St. Maximilian Kolbe
St. Maria Goretta (and more)

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
I almost forgot St. Michael the Archangel!

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And you, Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into Hell Satan and the other evil spirits who prowl the world for the ruin of souls. Amen.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
I just posted on another thread, but quickly I want to encourage you here to visit www.sanon.org & I am open to offering any help or encouragement …
Renee
 
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sca:
When I have tried to talk to my husband in the past about his secretly looking at porn and masturbating, he gets embarrassed and angry at me for mentioning it. I have tried getting angry with him and I even tried talking to him about how it makes me feel to find the “evidence” of his indescretions, but he always repeats his behavior. He tells me that he is trying to stop, but he won’t talk about it any further. He also “jokes” about wanting me to watch pornos with him and about wanting us to have sex with other people. I know he wouldn’t have an affair, but I know that I can’t trust him to go out with friends because they like to go to strip clubs. He will usually lie about this, but will confess about 2 months later. I also have trouble getting him to go to mass.

I don’t know how to reach him on this subject. Any ideas or comments are welcome.
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I thought the same thing about my husband of 16 years. One of the troubles with porn is it conditions the user to think only of himself. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the affair I don’t think he ever would have stopped. It took that much to get him to realize he had a problem. He even lost his wedding ring on his way to acting out (he always took it off) and that stopped him for a time, but he went back to it after he started to feel safe again.

Try to focus on the positives of sexual intimacy. Have him read/study the Theology of the Body. Help him to understand what sexual intimacy is supposed to be about. He gets embarrassed and angry because deep down** he knows its wrong **but he doesn’t want to give it up, not for you, not for anyone. I suggest saa (sex addicts anon). Sorry I can’t remember the web address. Patrick Carnes is a leading therapist in the field of sexual addictions. He has an assessment on his website and in his book “Don’t call it Love”. Maybe if your husband takes the assesment he will see a problem. The trouble with addiction is the addict doesn’t think he has a problem or that the addiction can be controlled, usually they have to hit bottom before they can even try to accept they have a problem. Sometimes an intervention will work too.

Also, check the Patrick Carnes website for yourself. Take the assesment and make sure you are not co-dependent (not addicted to porn but thinking its your fault, your not good, sexy, thin enough etc).

Pray, pray, pray, pray. And then pray some more. Before he even started the affair I developed a strong attraction to St. Monica, was even wanting to name my baby daughter Monica! Draw closer to Our Blessed Mother and ask her to intercede for your husband. Pray that he gets caught each and every time he does anything. My husband got away with alot before it all came crashing down, maybe if he had been caught sooner . . . well, God’s timing for us was perfect, difficult, but perfect for us. And it will be for you too. PM me if you need to. I have a 5 & 2 year old, but I will get back to you as soon as I can!
 
quintin gomes:
I suggest that apart with discussing the subject with him,( it could be that it is a long standing habit,which is dificult to break,also he may not be satisfied with his sex life) the two of you together can discuss the problem with a priest or Catholic Counsellor.

Perhaps he may be under the impression that masturbation is not a serious sin which is generally thought of it,I do not know if I can justify this statement or comment on it, I am looking forward to a Theological Catholic viewpoint on this topic.
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From the catechism:
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139

** To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that can lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.**

It may lessen his culpability, but sin is sin and it separates us from God. The OP has stated that she has trouble getting him to go to mass. Mortal sin separates us from God, that’s why its mortal. Not to mention that he lies about it, he must know that lying is a sin, perhaps not mortal, but still a sin. If you’re doing something you have to lie about then you know you’re doing something wrong.
 
To the origional poster I am not advocating the actions of Loraina Bobbit:eek: I realised you are new and may not understand my personality traits:D God Bless you and your hubby have my prayers:blessyou:
 
I want to thank everyone who has replyed. This is a problem I have been stressing over for sometime, but have not had anyone that I felt I could trust enough to talk to. I appreciate all of your support, advice, and prayers. I plan to visit the websites mentioned.

Sincerely,
sca
 
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sca:
I want to thank everyone who has replyed. This is a problem I have been stressing over for sometime, but have not had anyone that I felt I could trust enough to talk to. I appreciate all of your support, advice, and prayers. I plan to visit the websites mentioned.

Sincerely,
sca
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If you want to PM me to just talk feel free to do so I know this is painful for you.God Bless,Lisa
 
Many good responses here already, but I thought I would add this link.

parentcenter.bbs.babycenter.com/board/preschooler/pfamilylife/17579/thread/1628386

He also needs to know that when he looks at the people in the pictures with lust, he is already committing adultery according to the Church.

I too recommend getting him to go together to talk to a priest. I recommend a single confessor so that he will have to face the priest each time he falls to this addiction. Afterall, we can’t have anonymity with God so why should we have it with the Priest. Your husband will need to undergo conversion and it will take the Holy Spirit kicking him in the seat of his pants for him to see the light of day.

Also, temptation is like a sinking ship. When it starts to take on water, you better recognize it and start bailing. If you don’t manage to bail out early, you find the ship sinking and then you must abandon ship - much more difficult to do once it starts to sink. If you wait too long, jumping at the last minute is futile because you get caught in the current of the sinking ship which pulls you completely under.

That having been said, he needs to find the things that lead to that temptation, and make the sacrifice of “cutting off his right arm”, eliminating them because they make him sin. This may include avoiding friends that take him down the wrong path. He doesn’t need to confront them, but he may want to not be available for them. It could mean cutting TV, Radio, Computer or anything else to help. Eventually, he may find enough strength to be around these things without the temptation being so strong.

I also recommend getting John Paul 2’s Theology of the Body and reading a few pages each night. Maybe it will diffuse him.
 
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