How do I talk to my Priest?

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lebe said:
Made it to my meeting. I’m so glad. I tried to talk myself out of it all the way there. I got to the door and stood there numb, couldn’t open it. Finally pushed my way in and my legs just kept walking all the while thinking this isn’t happening, we don’t have a problem, I can deal with this.

I went in. We talked for an hour. It was relieving. I huge weight has been lifted. Not all the way but it’s not near as heavy. I started from the beginning…why I tried to make the appointment weeks ago to what has recently happened. I cried. I cried. And I cried some more.

I stayed for the last 1/2 hour of Adoration. I’d never been before. It was powerful in the silence of the church. So powerful. I’ve suggested to my husband to just go sit in silence for awhile. I then decided to stay for a class that I had been interested in attending before all this happened. I used it as “me” time. I loved it. I desperately needed it. 1x a week for the next 4 weeks. I’m looking forward to it.

Counseling is recommended and unavoidable at this point. Individual for both of us as well as joint. I am in the process of scheduling couples/marriage counseling. (They’re office is closed today, made myself leave my name and number) Will force myself to follow up on Monday if I haven’t heard anything. Would be so easy to say nevermind. We don’t need it. My priest told me to hang onto the hurt that I feel. Use it to keep myself on track for seeking help and getting through this. I need to write down what I’m feeling, or at least print out these posts so I can reread them. It would be so easy to just go back how it was before. So easy.

My husband and I had our first conversation last night. We have BARELY talked all week. It was painful. It was needed. I do believe he wants help. But I still do not trust him. We are talking now. The mood has lightened. It feels great. Scares me quite a bit though too. Would be so easy to forget all of this and go back to “normal”. I want to. But then too I want to be so angry and mean to him to SHOW him the hurt he’s caused, the hurt I still feel and will feel for a long time. I just don’t want to give in. He is also still sleeping in the guest room. I’m not sure how long to continue that. I want it to be used/viewed as a punishment and be painful…however I don’t want either of us to become too comfortable sleeping apart. I guess time will tell.

He had his meeting this morning. One of my children is home sick, so I missed work to take her to the doc. so he would not miss this appointment. Back at work, but at least I was home when get got home. We talked a little about his appointment. Like we did after mine. We both go to see the Priest next week. Then my husband will go back the following week. I’m not sure if I will. The Priest said he does not do in depth counseling, especially marriage counseling. He has not focused his time into that area, besides that he does not have the experience. True enough. I wish we were going to him, I feel comfortable with him and would rather not go to a stranger. But I’ll do what we need to.

So, baby steps. I think we’ll get through this. But it’s going to be a long journey. And trust me, I’ll be a regular on this forum because it has helped me tremendously. Thank you so much for your prayers and support! And I am praying for anyone else that is having to deal with this.

(Sorry this was so long!)
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So happy to hear this!!! Keep up the great work. Our Lord will be right by your side!! Will continue to keep you and everyone going through this horribly difficult issue in their marriage in my prayers.
 
Great news. Just try to be patient with your husband. As long as he is trying. Meeting with the priest, going to counseling and receiving the sacraments. It is not easy to change.

I struggle with similar issues except worse. I try but keep failing. It is not that I don’t love my husband and children. I am just broken and trying to heal.
 
cviolette said:
Great news. Just try to be patient with your husband. As long as he is trying. Meeting with the priest, going to counseling and receiving the sacraments. It is not easy to change.

I struggle with similar issues except worse. I try but keep failing. It is not that I don’t love my husband and children. I am just broken and trying to heal.
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Thanks for sharing that. We all have things that we try to overcome. Some of us, it’s chocolate 😃 and some of us, it’s something a lot more sinful :o

Good luck Lebe. Don’t give up hope.
 
Lebe…I came across this Private Group on here and I thought of you. I think you should check this one out. If it isn’t for you, you can always “Leave the Group”

Women Suffering Because of Unchastity
Group created by bmaj
If you are a woman whose husband, boyfriend, or someone you care about has viewed inappropriate, unchaste materials or continues to view them and you are trying to cope with the hurt you’re feeling, please join us for support and suggestions to help you.
(Women only please. Content is viewable by members only.)
 
Lebe -

I am soooooo happy that you hung in there and got to sit down and let it all out. I know how hard it is to share such private things with anyone much less a Priest.

I have a 1pm appt tomorrow for confession and already my stomach is in knots and I am regretting it, but I know I will regret it alot more if I cancel, so like you I will just power through and make myself do it.

Hang in there and know that we are all here for you
 
Maureen1125 said:
Lebe -

I am soooooo happy that you hung in there and got to sit down and let it all out. I know how hard it is to share such private things with anyone much less a Priest.

I have a 1pm appt tomorrow for confession and already my stomach is in knots and I am regretting it, but I know I will regret it alot more if I cancel, so like you I will just power through and make myself do it.

Hang in there and know that we are all here for you
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Good luck with your appointment!! Don’t back out! You will regret it. Your body will go numb but it will keep going all on it’s own somehow. The words will be incredibly tough to get out a first. But once you start letting go it’s comes easier and is a HUGE relief.

I’m still struggling. We are better, talking…currently sitting in the room. I was going to let him back into the bedroom last night. But while we were watching TV, and would see cladly dressed women or even attractive women at all, I felt so sick. I didn’t even realize all this affected me this deep. I actually thought I’d handled comparing myself to the images the last round. I guess not. So, I got uptight, quiet and felt all that anger inside again. No way he’s sleeping in my room.

What pi$$es me off the most is, do you know HOW long it took me to get past that the last time. To watch movies that included extremely hot scenes, to watch tv in general, to not be paranoid of female friends, to not be worried about what he’s looking at on the computer, to leave him alone. NOT looking forward to dealing with all that again.

And ya know, he says it’s the long hair. Not even the lack of clothes. He LOVES long hair, especially blond. That’s me. I’ve cut it alot since we’ve met, and now it’s growing back out after my last round of dos, I’m ready to go get it shaved off. Now I’m going to be freekin paranoid of any women with long hair. Pathetic. I’m so angry that he’s made me like this. This is not who I am.
 
lebe said:
I’m still struggling. We are better, talking…currently sitting in the room. I was going to let him back into the bedroom last night. But while we were watching TV, and would see cladly dressed women or even attractive women at all, I felt so sick. I didn’t even realize all this affected me this deep. I actually thought I’d handled comparing myself to the images the last round. I guess not. So, I got uptight, quiet and felt all that anger inside again. No way he’s sleeping in my room.

What pi$$es me off the most is, do you know HOW long it took me to get past that the last time. To watch movies that included extremely hot scenes, to watch tv in general, to not be paranoid of female friends, to not be worried about what he’s looking at on the computer, to leave him alone. NOT looking forward to dealing with all that again.

And ya know, he says it’s the long hair. Not even the lack of clothes. He LOVES long hair, especially blond. That’s me. I’ve cut it alot since we’ve met, and now it’s growing back out after my last round of dos, I’m ready to go get it shaved off. Now I’m going to be freekin paranoid of any women with long hair. Pathetic. I’m so angry that he’s made me like this. This is not who I am.
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Glad to hear that you are trying to work things out. Maybe, you should pick out the shows you watch for a few weeks. Other than EWTN, I can’t think of any shows without woman in skimpy clothes. I no longer watch any tv besides EWTN.

He really shouldn’t be telling you what he likes. It is just getting you paranoid.
 
Maureen1125 said:
Lebe -

I have a 1pm appt tomorrow for confession and already my stomach is in knots and I am regretting it, but I know I will regret it alot more if I cancel, so like you I will just power through and make myself do it.

Hang in there and know that we are all here for you
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Good luck with confession. I find it easier to just have confession after my sessions with the priest. Since he already knows all my problems. I went for spiritual guidance and confession with a priest yesterday. It does help. So far from being good but getting closer.
 
Yeh, I already knew about the long hair fetish. I used that to my advantage during college and used it during our marriage too. Hey, whatever does it right!! But now I just feel disgusted and like I can’t live up to those photoshopped long hairs. We won’t even go to the bodies, those just aren’t real…and after 2 kids, I’m not over-weight but definitely have some extra that will not go away. I’M probably going to be the one checking out women with long hair now, in person and on TV just compairing. I hope I don’t come across as lesbian.

I talked to my grandmother tonight. I tell her everything. Unlike my own mother that spreads rumors like wild fire, and they get so twisted. I joked that I was going to go by a wig. LOL! She laughed too. Still thinking about it. Just wanna see the look on his face, but it probably wouldn’t be a good step to recovery.

Ugh. To let him sleep in my bed or not tonight? Still not sure…
 
lebe said:
Yeh, I already knew about the long hair fetish. I used that to my advantage during college and used it during our marriage too. Hey, whatever does it right!! But now I just feel disgusted and like I can’t live up to those photoshopped long hairs. We won’t even go to the bodies, those just aren’t real…and after 2 kids, I’m not over-weight but definitely have some extra that will not go away. I’M probably going to be the one checking out women with long hair now, in person and on TV just compairing. I hope I don’t come across as lesbian.

I talked to my grandmother tonight. I tell her everything. Unlike my own mother that spreads rumors like wild fire, and they get so twisted. I joked that I was going to go by a wig. LOL! She laughed too. Still thinking about it. Just wanna see the look on his face, but it probably wouldn’t be a good step to recovery.

Ugh. To let him sleep in my bed or not tonight? Still not sure…
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As far as fetishes go that’s not a bad one. Let me tell you there are a lot of weirdos out there. If it was a different website, I might say more.

You are not just what is on the outside. He loves you inside and out. Don’t judge yourself based on just your appearance. There will always be someone younger or prettier. Who cares. He loves you not those women. You have the body you have because you are the mother of HIS children. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Just because you sleep in the same bed does not mean you need to be intimate. Take baby steps.

Don’t get the wig.
 
Lebe -
I think to start healing you need to let him back into your room. This doesn’t mean that you have to make love, but maybe start with falling asleep holding hands.

Cviolette - I have no intention of cancelling. I have anxiety issues and I tend to obsess over things, and I know that I am making myself sick over nothing. I do attend monthly counselling with my Pastor. We have dealt with most of my issues and we talk more about Prayer then we do about the other stuff.

I went to church tonight between evening masses just to be able to spend some time in quiet prayer and to talk to God. I feel more focused when I am at church then when I am home. At home, I tend to get distracted by my kids, husbands and household chores.
 
The wig. LOL! I won’t get one. I’ll keep that little laugh to myself, and my grandma…and well to you too.

I invited my husband to sleep in our bedroom last night. Maybe I worded it wrong. I can’t remember the exact words: “You can sleep in our room tonight if you want…” (It was after watching a ghost show and we were both freeked out). He said he didn’t want to if I didn’t want him there. I brought it up again a little later. Jokingly I said “No really, you can sleep in our room tonight, but only if you get the chocolate off your face.” (He just had ice cream). I finished getting ready for bed as he went downstairs to get water or something. I heard him come back up and glanced down the hall, into his room he went door shutting behind him.

I actually felt crushed. How dare he I thought. Here I am finally opening myself up…yes it may not be much, but it’s in my own way and he didn’t take it. Why. I got scared and realized the ball may not be in my court any longer. Thinking, I’M the one that was hurt. I’M the one that should be angry. I’M the one that should shut you out. I’M the one to make the first move. How dare he not accept my invitation. Was it not sincere enough.

I’m starting to realize it’s not all about me. Yes, he screwed up big time. Yes he hurt me badly. Somehow I need to find the strength to say yes, it happened it’s time to move on. I can’t keep focusing on the hurt and pain and the images and the what ifs. We need to recover and I’M the one that is preventing it. I’M the one that is actually pushing him away and preventing him from recovering. If I continue, he won’t come back to me and our marriage will be over.

So, turning a new leaf. I feel as if I should have as much time as I need to process all of this but if I continue to be cold there won’t be a going back. It will be over. Time to heal.

Joint meeting with the Priest later this week. I’ll be attending Adoration before my class later this week too. I hope to make it a habit even when the class is over. I really need it and it helps me focus.

Good luck to you ALL and thank you so much for the support!!!
 
Attended mass yesterday. Felt extremely uncomfortable and like everyone knew what was going on, including the Priest. It felt like he kept staring at me or us to see how we were reacting with each other. Uncomfortable. Was still feeling cold and bitter yesterday but can tell it was less extreme. It just uses too much energy being sad and angry all the time. I’m a rather upbeat and happy person, so it takes quite a lot out of me to hold onto this anger. I even accepted a FT job offer this week, but it was over-shadowed with the weeks events.

So last night I invited him to sleep in our bedroom again. It was time. I’m tired and I miss him. Of course we snuggled. It was comforting. We kissed. Such passionate kisses, a feeling that I haven’t felt since we were so head-over-heals for each other. It was intense. One thing lead to another and we were intimate. I did pull away at times, wondering if I was just a warm body, wondering what images were going through his head. But I could tell it was sincere, I wasn’t just an object and I truly felt loved.

The only thing that worries me now is, did I give in? Will we revert to how it was? Did I punish him enough? Am I slipping into a comfort zone wishing this all away?

Joint meeting with my Priest this week. What do I say? We made out, we’re all good now, nevermind. Ha. One might think, how could you do that, didn’t you feel gross after he basically cheated on you? No actually. Something is there beyond physical attraction. There are some strong forces at work and I can feel them. (Let’s just hope I don’t say/think something different tomorrow.)
 
I felt the same way after one of my confessions. So Friday, I went to a priest at a different parish. I explained to him that I have a hard time facing the other priest with my husband and children after discussing my problems. He understood and was great.

Congratulations on your new job.

Just be honest with the priest. Pray before your session. Everything is not all better. You took a major step but you still need to heal and deal with some of the problems you are having. And of course, your husband has a lot of work in front of him too.
lebe said:
Attended mass yesterday. Felt extremely uncomfortable and like everyone knew what was going on, including the Priest. It felt like he kept staring at me or us to see how we were reacting with each other. Uncomfortable. Was still feeling cold and bitter yesterday but can tell it was less extreme. It just uses too much energy being sad and angry all the time. I’m a rather upbeat and happy person, so it takes quite a lot out of me to hold onto this anger. I even accepted a FT job offer this week, but it was over-shadowed with the weeks events.

So last night I invited him to sleep in our bedroom again. It was time. I’m tired and I miss him. Of course we snuggled. It was comforting. We kissed. Such passionate kisses, a feeling that I haven’t felt since we were so head-over-heals for each other. It was intense. One thing lead to another and we were intimate. I did pull away at times, wondering if I was just a warm body, wondering what images were going through his head. But I could tell it was sincere, I wasn’t just an object and I truly felt loved.

The only thing that worries me now is, did I give in? Will we revert to how it was? Did I punish him enough? Am I slipping into a comfort zone wishing this all away?

Joint meeting with my Priest this week. What do I say? We made out, we’re all good now, nevermind. Ha. One might think, how could you do that, didn’t you feel gross after he basically cheated on you? No actually. Something is there beyond physical attraction. There are some strong forces at work and I can feel them. (Let’s just hope I don’t say/think something different tomorrow.)
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You made up, but the issues are still there and will come back. You need to both deal with them still.
 
Lebe - I used to feel the same way. After my 1st conversation with my Priest I felt so exposed. Kinda like I showed up naked. Now, after nearly 7mths, I see a trusted friend and advisor. I know that he is always there for me and I have put those “OMG He KNOWS” thoughts aside.

I did go on Sunday to confession with this new Priest. I wasn’t going to tell him about my Pastor/Priest but I did. I wanted him to know what I am already doing and working through. I felt he needed the full story in order to give an appropriate penance.

I am still not sleeping well. I was up until 4am this morning. I just can’t seem to shut my brain off. I planned on going to 8:15am mass this morning, but I just couldn’t do it. I will go tomorrow - it we don’t get hit with this storm coming in tonight.
 
Hello everyone,

I am seeking any encouraging advice on how to save my marriage. Our 11th anniversary is this weekend and my husband recently told me he entered our marriage not knowing if he was in love with me. When I first met my husband he was a very strong catholic believer. In fact, he helped me to grow in my faith. I am eternally grateful. However, it seems he has lost faith and wants a divorce. Please help?

Dollie
 
Please, Dollie, begin a new thread. You will be much more likely to get the advice that you are looking for that way. Welcome to the forums!
 
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