How do i trust in God's Plan?

[george92]

hi i’m currently a freshman in college and i’m just wondering if there is any advice in to believe in God’s plan. I’m single and feel like i’m running out of time to find the right one( as hard as that may seem). I think like that because most girls here are so self-absorbed or already have bfs and this one girl i felt like was my soul mate got in a relationship with another guy but she is 3 hours back home and i hate the long-distance thing. Anyways I feel strongly that He is leading me to career in geographic information systems, which is good. Also, i came up with the approach of studying hard and enjoy time with friends and let God take care of the relationship stuff.

thanks for any advice.

 

[Thankfulness]

George, that is a good approach, to study and develop your abilities to their best use, and trust that the right girl will come at the best time. God grant it will be so.

God bless you now and always.

 

[Luvtosew]

You sound very smart for your age, yes let God work it out, and concentrate on your studies.
God Bless.

 

[Norseman82]

hi i’m currently a freshman in college and i’m just wondering if there is any advice in to believe in God’s plan. I’m single and feel like i’m running out of time to find the right one( as hard as that may seem).

As someone in his 40s who still hasn’t found the right one, I just have this to say at the part of your statement that I bolded:

http://wasteddomain.com/gallery/d/568-1/picard-sigh.jpg

No disrespect, but you probably have more time ahead of you than some of us have ahead of us. But yes, right now you need to make sure you have a good career so you can afford to support a wife and kids, so I will echo what others have said and encourage you to do well in your studies.

Also, do you attend a Catholic or other type of university? Do you have a Newman Center on campus? That may be a way of maing good Catholic friends.

 

[chevalier]

hi i’m currently a freshman in college and i’m just wondering if there is any advice in to believe in God’s plan. I’m single and feel like i’m running out of time to find the right one( as hard as that may seem). I think like that because most girls here are so self-absorbed or already have bfs and this one girl i felt like was my soul mate got in a relationship with another guy but she is 3 hours back home and i hate the long-distance thing. Anyways I feel strongly that He is leading me to career in geographic information systems, which is good. Also, i came up with the approach of studying hard and enjoy time with friends and let God take care of the relationship stuff.

thanks for any advice.

Hey, George. It’s nice to meet a gentleman in college age who is taking future and life seriously. I wish you the best with geographic information systems. They are needed and valuable and enhance the quality of life for people and the society. That is respectable, as is studying hard to make the best of the time you have been given for your education. Chasing skirts is far less respectable, and pursuing ladies (which is different from chasing skirts) can wait. You won’t have opportunity to correct your grades when you’re one or two years past graduation. My advice is to focus your time and attention on your studies (obviously, prayer and your relationship with God not being put on ice) and if you have time remaining, then try to publish an article or two, write something somewhere, participate in an interesting project, volunteer for something (girls volunteer too, by the way).

As for soulmates etc., I can tell you that emotions are somewhat more vivid and harder to get in order in late teens and early twenties than a bit later. There is a chance that graduating and starting a full-time daily job with a full set of responsibilities will change a lot for you as it did for me. If you look past, from that point, at highschool and college romantic failures, they seem less relevant. As in, they are relevant in a historical sense (it’s still your experience and all) but not really that relevant to the present. (Having graduated and being 1-2 years into a job is not your present, right now, and shouldn’t be, but just to give you some perspective.)

A girl can’t be your everything, only God can, and your work is something that makes you a productive member of society. It is, in a way, a vocation. Maybe not in the same sense as the basic vocation of being married or celibate but it has a lot of a vocation to it. That is very important too and you will need a paying and stable job to provide for your family, if you marry. Not to mention making kids proud of dad.

Besides, college partying is a waste of time, as you must have noted. You want a stable, dependable woman with a backbone and a perspective. Many of whom you’d meet there would still need to grow up, grow out of histrionic, drama queen or youth rebel tendencies, learn not to spend more than they earn, keep their commitments etc. (Let alone the effect of alcohol and mind-affecting music that can make a girl faint in your arms on the dance floor the one day and forget your name the next day.) You must have noted all this and to skip it is the right decision.

 

[sicutincensum]

Hey, George. It’s nice to meet a gentleman in college age who is taking future and life seriously. I wish you the best with geographic information systems. They are needed and valuable and enhance the quality of life for people and the society. That is respectable, as is studying hard to make the best of the time you have been given for your education. Chasing skirts is far less respectable, and pursuing ladies (which is different from chasing skirts) can wait. You won’t have opportunity to correct your grades when you’re one or two years past graduation. My advice is to focus your time and attention on your studies (obviously, prayer and your relationship with God not being put on ice) and if you have time remaining, then try to publish an article or two, write something somewhere, participate in an interesting project, volunteer for something (girls volunteer too, by the way).

As for soulmates etc., I can tell you that emotions are somewhat more vivid and harder to get in order in late teens and early twenties than a bit later. There is a chance that graduating and starting a full-time daily job with a full set of responsibilities will change a lot for you as it did for me. If you look past, from that point, at highschool and college romantic failures, they seem less relevant. As in, they are relevant in a historical sense (it’s still your experience and all) but not really that relevant to the present. (Having graduated and being 1-2 years into a job is not your present, right now, and shouldn’t be, but just to give you some perspective.)

A girl can’t be your everything, only God can, and your work is something that makes you a productive member of society. It is, in a way, a vocation. Maybe not in the same sense as the basic vocation of being married or celibate but it has a lot of a vocation to it. That is very important too and you will need a paying and stable job to provide for your family, if you marry. Not to mention making kids proud of dad.

Besides, college partying is a waste of time, as you must have noted. You want a stable, dependable woman with a backbone and a perspective. Many of whom you’d meet there would still need to grow up, grow out of histrionic, drama queen or youth rebel tendencies, learn not to spend more than they earn, keep their commitments etc. (Let alone the effect of alcohol and mind-affecting music that can make a girl faint in your arms on the dance floor the one day and forget your name the next day.) You must have noted all this and to skip it is the right decision.

This is solid advice.

I strongly agree with the ideia of using your time to focus on your career, so that when you meet a girl who is right for you, you can be able to marry her without unnecessary delay due to financial reasons. That situation would be much more frustrating that anything you could feel now.

Also, don’t isolate yourself. Have friends (Catholic, or at least with good morals), have fun (but don’t sin), and enjoy the benefits of single life! You’ll miss them when you’re married.

 

[george92]

but the thing that really stinks is that one girl was really attracted to ( both spiritually and physically) is a senior and is going to be gone. i can’t help if she was really the one.

on the other hand i’ve been feeling really depressed lately for no apparent reason. it seems like all i do is lye down or go on facebook on my down time. i’m getting real good grades but it just seems it doesn’t really matter on the fact i’ve been told “its who you know, not what you know”. it just feels like i need a girl in my life to make me happy, put it that way.

 

[Onegin]

but the thing that really stinks is that one girl was really attracted to ( both spiritually and physically) is a senior and is going to be gone. i can’t help if she was really the one.

on the other hand i’ve been feeling really depressed lately for no apparent reason. it seems like all i do is lye down or go on facebook on my down time. i’m getting real good grades but it just seems it doesn’t really matter on the fact i’ve been told “its who you know, not what you know”. it just feels like i need a girl in my life to make me happy, put it that way.

I know the feeling, or rather, I know the old feeling of “if only I had X in my life right now, I would be perfectly happy”. I’ve struggled with it in the past and, to some extent, still do today.

Truth is, X (whether it is a girl, money, a possession, an experience, a friend, etc) will never “make” you happy. Happiness is a conscious decision you make every day, not a result or a consequence of purchasing an object or having someone in your life. So don’t wait for happiness to chase you down, start practicing it! Like a well-developed prayer life, a well-developed sense of happiness is something we cultivate through repeated time and effort. For this reason, the statements, “Today I will endeavor to say the Rosary” and “Today I will endeavor to act in a happy and pleasant way” are very similar. They both take time and effort, but they will both do wonders for the soul and the character and yield many fruits if only we make the effort.

Anyway, chances are you aren’t looking for miserable friends in your life, and happy people tend to flock together (the old saying of “misery loves company” also works in the reverse), so the sooner you start making changes, the less time you will waste. Moreover, most good, Catholic women generally tend to be attracted to happy, prayerful men with well-formed characters who have interests and ambition.

God bless you with your studies.

 

[chevalier]

This is solid advice.

Thanks.

I strongly agree with the ideia of using your time to focus on your career, so that when you meet a girl who is right for you, you can be able to marry her without unnecessary delay due to financial reasons. That situation would be much more frustrating that anything you could feel now.

Also, why this may sound somewhat bad, if you develop your personality and skills, you gain more leverage to convince a woman that you are “worthy” of her attention. That, or perhaps your attractiveness will simply increase (women are, for example, attracted to that sort of confidence which experts have in their fields). Or even that you are good father material. I’m skipping social position and earning power intentionally.

Also (sorry, my style won’t be cute tonight, I’ve just finished work at 11 p.m.), if you’re planning to grow intellectually, emotionally or in whatever such way (e.g. by constantly pursuing continued education, improving your “people skills” and all such), make sure that you find a partner who will also grow or a partner whom you won’t see as being in need of such growing. Don’t “outgrow” your partner. (If your partner is likely to “outgrow” you, then that also needs consideration.)

 

[jebeau]

I am still single in my 40’s. I have only been Catholic for 5 years. I will NEVER believe there is a true vocation to “singleness.” (And even if I’m wrong, I think there are very very few people who actually have it.)

As for me, I’m not married because

1. I didn’t try hard enough, because I was scared.
2. I had low self-esteem and thought I was ugly.
3. I came of age during a time when women were burning their bras.
4. My parents were divorced and I was scared. I said that already.
5. I also happen to be kind of shy in social situations.
6. I had very little encouragement from society to change all these conditions.

But, still, I will NEVER believe that singleness is a “vocation.” At 46, I do believe I have missed my vocation to marriage. It’s a horrible recognition. I hate it.

It might make me “feel better” to lie to myself and tell myself that I have a “vocation” to singleness, but I don’t think that’s the case.

As far as what I can do for God. . .OF COURSE I still serve God as a single person. But everything I do in my life now is just plan B.

If I have any advice to single, Godly, people right now it’s do everything you can to support marriage. Learn what true Godly marriage is so you can defend it.

You might never get married. The reality is, our society is screwed up! I can’t emphasize that enough. But you must hold on to the dream and recognize true covenant marriage when you see it so if the opportunity does come up, you can recognize it and respond to it.

I pray for all the single people, including myself. God seems to have forgotten me. Recently a great man came into my life. He seemed to have dropped in from the blue and he satisfied all my Catholic requirements. He even seemed to be a “little” interested. But before any substantial friendship could get started he dropped a bomb about a JP marriage he’d entered into after his wife of 20-plus years died. He was thinking about getting an annulment, since this woman and he had never even lived in the same state, but I think when he met me, it scared him and he decided to try to fix the JP “marriage” was easier than trying to start with someone new. . .that is. . .me.

He actually thinks he has a covenant marriage with this divorced woman based on his “feelings” at the time he made his “vow” in the JP court. Even though the two of them have never even lived in the same state.

He’s pretty mixed up and he doesn’t have the whole story about what makes a covenant marriage. He’s got all sorts of emotions here I think that he’s not admitting to, and I think the woman is manipulative. As a woman who’s been single for a LONG time I know how manipulative women can be, and I think there are facts about her he doesn’t know. I believe she coerced him and gave him an ultimatum at the beginning as well. He admits this. But she never moved to be near him either. The whole thing is screwed up.

So what I’m saying is, I prayed for a man, and God brought me one, but this man has his own choices to make too and he CAN choose to go against God’s will, in fact he already did go against God’s will in marrying a divorced protestant out of lonliness, in a JP court. And now, instead of fixing the true problem, he’s still scared, thinking he can still make this woman his “wife” in fact goes around calling her his “wife.” It’s all fear based. I feel his fear when I’m around him.

As for the woman, no one knows if she loves him. No one’s seen her. She lives 6 states away. I think he’s gonna get his heart broken. It does not make me happy to know that this otherwise great man has lost his wife to a terrible cancer. It also does not make me happy thinking he is so unschooled in the ways of singleness that he has trusted someone who might not be trustworthy and he might in fact be headed for heartbreak.

Heartbreak is not fun. I know.

As for me, I have learned that everyone has free-will and anyone of us can choose against God’s will if we want to. It’s really hard to hear from God, and know it’s Him and not our own voice or the voice of the enemy deceiving us.

I am under spiritual direction, and have been since I became Catholic, so I’ll get through this eposode of my life, but still, I’m single and back to square one, praying for blessing upon the nameless, faceless man who might come into my life and act like he wants to be a husband to me.

It’s really hard to pray for someone that doesn’t have a face.

It’s almost easier to pray for this mixed-up man. At least I know what he looks like.

Finally, I do trust in God’s plan. I just don’t trust my ability to know what it is.

 

[bearkatjen]

it just feels like i need a girl in my life to make me happy, put it that way.

That is the worst mindset you can possibly have when trying to find a girlfriend or entering into a relationship. You need to figure out how to make yourself happy and how to feel fulfilled without the crutch of a relationship.

You have another post up where you write about not feeling like you have any true friends, and that you get bored and masturbate. You’re in college, there is stuff going on around you all the time. It’s time to get involved in your campus. Join the Catholic student center. Join some clubs, maybe an intramural sport.

I went to a large state school, and I think I would have felt completely lost and lonely my freshman year if I hadn’t been in the band and orchestra. The groups provided immediate friends and activities, and over just a couple of years, some of those friendships blossomed into life-long friends. I met my first college boyfriend at a campus religious organization. I met my second college boyfriend through one of my orchestra friends. When my school picked roommate ended up being a horror to live with, it was a band friend who gave up her single dorm so I could room with her and get away from my mean roommate. I even got college jobs through these groups.

When my sister went of to school, she joined a sorority, and from there she made friends, she had fun activities to go to, she got awesome college jobs and ended up networking with really powerful families in our city, and has a lot of opportunities through those networks. She also met all three of her college boyfriends through her friends.

So, stop hanging out in your dorm room and start joining. College campuses have tons of organizations, so there has got to be something you truly enjoy doing that you can do in a group setting at college.

 

[Norseman82]

I am still single in my 40’s. I have only been Catholic for 5 years. I will NEVER believe there is a true vocation to “singleness.” (And even if I’m wrong, I think there are very very few people who actually have it.)

As for me, I’m not married because

1. I didn’t try hard enough, because I was scared.
2. I had low self-esteem and thought I was ugly.
3. I came of age during a time when women were burning their bras.
4. My parents were divorced and I was scared. I said that already.
5. I also happen to be kind of shy in social situations.
6. I had very little encouragement from society to change all these conditions.

But, still, I will NEVER believe that singleness is a “vocation.” At 46, I do believe I have missed my vocation to marriage. It’s a horrible recognition. I hate it.

It might make me “feel better” to lie to myself and tell myself that I have a “vocation” to singleness, but I don’t think that’s the case.

As far as what I can do for God. . .OF COURSE I still serve God as a single person. But everything I do in my life now is just plan B.

If I have any advice to single, Godly, people right now it’s do everything you can to support marriage. Learn what true Godly marriage is so you can defend it.

You might never get married. The reality is, our society is screwed up! I can’t emphasize that enough. But you must hold on to the dream and recognize true covenant marriage when you see it so if the opportunity does come up, you can recognize it and respond to it.

I pray for all the single people, including myself. God seems to have forgotten me. Recently a great man came into my life. He seemed to have dropped in from the blue and he satisfied all my Catholic requirements. He even seemed to be a “little” interested. But before any substantial friendship could get started he dropped a bomb about a JP marriage he’d entered into after his wife of 20-plus years died. He was thinking about getting an annulment, since this woman and he had never even lived in the same state, but I think when he met me, it scared him and he decided to try to fix the JP “marriage” was easier than trying to start with someone new. . .that is. . .me.

He actually thinks he has a covenant marriage with this divorced woman based on his “feelings” at the time he made his “vow” in the JP court. Even though the two of them have never even lived in the same state.

He’s pretty mixed up and he doesn’t have the whole story about what makes a covenant marriage. He’s got all sorts of emotions here I think that he’s not admitting to, and I think the woman is manipulative. As a woman who’s been single for a LONG time I know how manipulative women can be, and I think there are facts about her he doesn’t know. I believe she coerced him and gave him an ultimatum at the beginning as well. He admits this. But she never moved to be near him either. The whole thing is screwed up.

So what I’m saying is, I prayed for a man, and God brought me one, but this man has his own choices to make too and he CAN choose to go against God’s will, in fact he already did go against God’s will in marrying a divorced protestant out of lonliness, in a JP court. And now, instead of fixing the true problem, he’s still scared, thinking he can still make this woman his “wife” in fact goes around calling her his “wife.” It’s all fear based. I feel his fear when I’m around him.

As for the woman, no one knows if she loves him. No one’s seen her. She lives 6 states away. I think he’s gonna get his heart broken. It does not make me happy to know that this otherwise great man has lost his wife to a terrible cancer. It also does not make me happy thinking he is so unschooled in the ways of singleness that he has trusted someone who might not be trustworthy and he might in fact be headed for heartbreak.

Heartbreak is not fun. I know.

As for me, I have learned that everyone has free-will and anyone of us can choose against God’s will if we want to. It’s really hard to hear from God, and know it’s Him and not our own voice or the voice of the enemy deceiving us.

I am under spiritual direction, and have been since I became Catholic, so I’ll get through this eposode of my life, but still, I’m single and back to square one, praying for blessing upon the nameless, faceless man who might come into my life and act like he wants to be a husband to me.

It’s really hard to pray for someone that doesn’t have a face.

It’s almost easier to pray for this mixed-up man. At least I know what he looks like.

Finally, I do trust in God’s plan. I just don’t trust my ability to know what it is.

Good and accurate post! I can relate to a lot of it.

 

[Norseman82]

That is the worst mindset you can possibly have when trying to find a girlfriend or entering into a relationship. You need to figure out how to make yourself happy and how to feel fulfilled without the crutch of a relationship.

Please keep in mind too that it was God Who said in Genesis 2 “It is not good for the man to be alone”, which is why He created a spouse for Adam, who stated “This one, at last, is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”.

 

[george92]

i really have anger issues. people try to push me around or don’t respect me then i just lash out…usually by porn or masturbation. when i do look at porn its because i’m not happy with who i am. no girl, uncertain future, etc. but this just saps my strength and weakens me but i don’t really give an F since i’m single .Plus i really hate how our society puts an overemphasis on the losers for boyfriends and men…not the real men. not like i would care since most of the women here are deragatory terms starting with B’s and h’s.

Plus i do get involved…currently in 5 extra curricular activities.

 

[Elisabeth51]

I am still single in my 40’s. I have only been Catholic for 5 years. I will NEVER believe there is a true vocation to “singleness.” (And even if I’m wrong, I think there are very very few people who actually have it.)

As for me, I’m not married because

1. I didn’t try hard enough, because I was scared.
2. I had low self-esteem and thought I was ugly.
3. I came of age during a time when women were burning their bras.
4. My parents were divorced and I was scared. I said that already.
5. I also happen to be kind of shy in social situations.
6. I had very little encouragement from society to change all these conditions.

But, still, I will NEVER believe that singleness is a “vocation.” At 46, I do believe I have missed my vocation to marriage. It’s a horrible recognition. I hate it.

It’s almost easier to pray for this mixed-up man. At least I know what he looks like.

Finally, I do trust in God’s plan. I just don’t trust my ability to know what it is.

Please, don’t give up or write yourself off because of age! Seriously. If it is in God’s plan, it will happen, keep your eyes and heart open and keep praying. I know four men who married (three for the first time) after age 55. My sister for the first time at age 49. Abraham and Sarah were 99 and 100, Moses was 80, if it’s God’s plan a human and surface thing like age are not going to matter. Just remember, and I say this as a single woman…if you have a list of the way she should be—age, height, hair colour, all that is surface----burn it. When Israel was expecting a leader for battle to get rid of the Romans, they got a baby—God answers our prayer His way and the answer is always wonderful and perfect, we just have to be careful not to miss it because it wasn’t what we were looking for. And if you don’t have a list—good for you!!!

 

[promethius]

hi i’m currently a freshman in college and i’m just wondering if there is any advice in to believe in God’s plan. I’m single and feel like i’m running out of time to find the right one

That says all I need to know. You’re what? Eighteen? Nineteen?

You have plenty of time, young one! Do your very best and trust God, you’ll be fine!

 

[george92]

thanks for all the advice guys! i’ve been praying more about it and God wants me to be more content with my own life before i want more things. And the girl thing man…its not that i need one…i just feel like it would be niccee if i get one and get the first one of my mind. i’m getting better over it though. I don’ really need to be tied down right now…i just need to be with my friends.