How do people feel after deposition for annulment process?

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badger11

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My former spouse separated from me and initiated a civil divorce last fall, which was finalized in April of this year. She left my because I was suffering from anxiety and depression for several months, and she was not willing to stand by me, and apparently believed she could never have children with me. I had converted to Catholicism during our relatively short (4 year marriage). My Catholic faith is very important to be, especially given the pain of the divorce.

Initially, I did not feel up to applying for a declaration of nullity, as I was not feeling prepared to dredge up the memories and feelings. I have been seeing a therapist and attending a divorce support group through a parish, and it has been extremely helpful.

Anyway, about 2 months ago I decided I was ready to proceed, and completed the paperwork, which was difficult, but bearable and somewhat cathartic. However, 4 days ago, I had my deposition. The individual who interviewed me was very kind, but the deposition lasted almost 3 hours, and the questions were very personal, and began from childhood through present, and included very emotional and difficult questions regarding my marriage and the end (during a period in which I was very anxious and was off of work).

I felt okay during the deposition and afterword, but over the past few days have really been feeling down, anxious, and emotional. I feel as though all of the emotions and memories have been stirred up. I am wondering if others have felt this way following their deposition? I should add that my grandmother passed away a month ago, and my dad has heart bypass surgery tomorrow, both of which are of course also causing me to be more emotional.

Additionally, I am hoping to kind of put this out of my mind once my witnesses have submitted their questionnaires, knowing that it could be some time before I decision is reached. In the mean time, I know that I must consider myself married to my former spouse, and do not intend to date or otherwise, which I am okay with. Have others found effective ways to cope with the waiting process. I will of course pray and attend Mass and Eucharistic Adoration weekly as I have, but I am still nervous about the outcome. I am only in my mid 30s, and certainly hope to remarry. I am told that my case is quite good, but there are no sure things.

I appreciate any insight. God bless you all.
 
You have other things weighing on your shoulders and probably cannot feel the deposition weight lifted yet because the other things. Continue going to mas and Adoration, and seeing a therapist if need be. I have not been through this, but I know people that have.

Prayers offered for you.
 
I haven’t been in anything like your situation. But it’ll be ok. However you feel is ok. You can’t control how you feel.

Many times I’ve fallen into the trap of feeling bad about feeling bad. It’s a downward spiral. Don’t do it. Push through. Don’t worry. You’re normal. 🙂
 
I also have no specific advice to offer about the annulment but as far as the feelings being stirred up I can totally relate. Try not to obsess over the one thing and do something to help change your topic of internal conversation. Music, press ups, jogging or all three! Engage yourself in something else and relax in a hot bath and sleep a good nights sleep.

Remember God is with you, your angel is with you, pray to Our Lady, Our Lord and it will pass.

Prayers for you. 🙏
 
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Think of it as the way your body may be sore after a strenuous workout, or after a medical procedure.

Your emotions had a workout. Now you can heal and will be stronger than you were before!
 
It felt a lot like going to confession for me.
The entire process was, for me, one of the most painful yet satisfying I have been through 🙂
 
divorce felt lousy, but the annulment brought it to a sacramental ends so, I would say complete!
 
It is my understanding that we are strictly not permitted to reveal anything about the annulment process. I had to make a solemn promise not to reveal anything about it.
 
Thanks for your response. I did sign a sworn declaration that I would not reveal the specific questions I was asked or my answers to them. But the process itself is set out in a handbook in my diocese, including frequently asked questions about the entire process, including the deposition, grounds, timelines, etc. And the blank application is available online to anyone who desires to see it.

I don’t believe I revealed anything I was not supposed to. Similarly, I don’t think asking others for comments about their emotional state following a deposition, or any helpful comments or suggestions they have for coping during the process is at all prohibited. The responses have been helpful to me and I am quite certain they don’t run afoul of any cannon law or prohibition. I respectfully disagree with you that people are expected to keep everything, including painful emotions, bottled up and secret. That is not healthy.
 
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Is that true? I’ve never heard that. Does the Church require a solemn promise ? I’m also curious about witnesses. How many, do they interview them?
 
I meant we are not supposed to reveal anything about our own personal annulment process. I had to promise not to tell others about my own interviews, etc. I could not even reveal the comments the canon lawyer made to me at the conclusion.
 
I’ve been an advocate for years. We are bound to not reveal details of the cases we work, as are all of the Tribunal staff. Same way that anyone who works for a parish is to be discreet, kinda like HIPPA.

When one is a witness, they get a questionnaire in the mail, fill it out and they can choose if they want the petitioner &/or respondent to be able to read their answers. If the witness chooses, their testimony is kept private.

After being an advocate, volunteer, staff, and simply personal relationships with countless folks who have been through the process, I have never met one who had to swear a vow of secrecy as @gabrielmercy was. My guess is that there were some very special circumstances in play that required such. That is not the common practice.
 
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