How do we approach our Pastor?

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I need some suggestions on how to approach our Pastor regarding a Friday football Mass. It has been a tradition in the parish on Fridays the Mass would be scheduled so that the football players could attended before a game. Last year we got a new pastor. He refuses to change the Mass time, because Thursday is his day off, he usually goes out of town and the Friday Mass is scheduled for 6:30pm, so it’s like having 2 days off. Since he refused, saying all sports in American are stupid, some of the parents got together and held a prayer service. These young athletes asked our priest to have this Mass, or at the very least come to the prayer service and give them a blessing. They prayed to play a good game and that no one on either team would be injured. And our priest refused. He won’t attend anything related to school activities. We are such a small town, all of the kids go to one of 3 Churches in a 15 mile radius. They are good kids who work hard, make good grades and play sports, because most of them are hoping for a scholarship to college.
None of the priest will get involved with the kids. We’ve begged him to give our seniors a blessing before they left on their senior trip, and finally after months of asking he agreed. Most of us have given up trying to include him. Many of the altar servers have quit. His secretary has tried to explain to him, the kids want the priest involved in their activities. He tells he, it’s her it’s not his job and that sports are stupid.These same kids attend CCD classed, summer Bible school and all work the church picnic. His comment is first you do, then maybe I will do…The previous pastor had the Friday Mass for the boys, went to the locker room to bless the boys and even attended their games, when he could.
What can we do to get him to be more involved? Isn’t it rare and special that these young men want to have their Pastor pray with them? Why can’t we get any of these priest to care? HELP!! 😦
 
I am not into football or sports of any kind–not as a parent or as a spectator. I do sympathize with your situation, especially since blessings and Masses tie the young football players to our Catholic faith. However, you need to be sympathetic to the fact that you have a new priest and you are asking him to continue a local tradition (small “t”)–which was started by a previous priest but which is not required of him by Canon law.

As parishioners, we need to be very sensitive to the awkwardness that a new priest feels or is made to feel in replacing an often beloved former pastor. I would suggest that you stop trying to bend this priest to fit your parish and your parish traditions. But rather recognize that a new priest needs to be welcomed and given an opportunity to leave his unique imprint on the community and on the spiritual lives of the parishioners. It is hard to do but really important.

Our parish had a new priest about 3 years ago, replacing a very beloved former priest. I was less than thrilled but have grown to appreciate so much about our new pastor–who is very different but wonderful in his own ways. So have faith and open your heart fully to the new pastor. Blessings.
 
I see your point, but on the other hand when parents are fighting to keep their kids involved in church, to respect and listen to their priest, it doesn’t help when the priest blatantly show such disdain for every tradition our community has. The only thing he seems to back is our parish picnic. Everything else, as he tells us “is stupid”. That’s what is hard to swallow…
 
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countrylifer:
I see your point, but on the other hand when parents are fighting to keep their kids involved in church, to respect and listen to their priest, it doesn’t help when the priest blatantly show such disdain for every tradition our community has. The only thing he seems to back is our parish picnic. Everything else, as he tells us “is stupid”. That’s what is hard to swallow…
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I do sympathize. But we are Catholics and as Catholics, we are called to subordinate ourselves to the authority of the Church. Protestants expect things from their ministers–and look at the revolving door of ministers many congregations have! I really urge you to pray about this situation. Think about the message you are inadvertently conveying to the youth of your parish and to the new priest. Recognize too that while you might want the priest to respect your parish’s local traditions, he is absolutely not bound to do so, and his superior’s would not support your parish against the priest. Please back down on this and encourage the others to back down. Continued disagreement on this issue can only lead to division in the parish and further contention with the priest.
 
Well, I can tell you, most of the parish has given up asking him to do anything. He doesn’t visit the sick, or our parishioners in nursing homes. He has told us, he is only here to further his education and will then leave.He prefers a large parish in cities where it is not so boring. So we are waiting it out. I was just hoping someone could give us some advice and we could make one last attempt.The kids are so afraid of him, because he is so critical of them…Some of us are just hoping to salvage something of the time he has left here.
 
I would urge the parents and players to continue to meet for prayer meetings on Friday. During the prayer meeting, include a prayer for the priest. Maybe through your actions he may see how important this is to his congregation and may join you in the future.

I think that this is a great tradition (little t) that you have in your parish. What a way to tie the faith into these kids other activities. I think your priest is missing a great opportunity not only to connect with these kids but to bring them closer to the Faith and possibly lead a young man into the priesthood. What a shame!
 
One reason our pastor gave for not being happy in our parish is that “the parish appears to be stuck in the 50’s”.
With the world the way it is now…IS THAT SUCH A BAD THING? 😉
 
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countrylifer:
Well, I can tell you, most of the parish has given up asking him to do anything. He doesn’t visit the sick, or our parishioners in nursing homes. He has told us, he is only here to further his education and will then leave.He prefers a large parish in cities where it is not so boring. So we are waiting it out. I was just hoping someone could give us some advice and we could make one last attempt.The kids are so afraid of him, because he is so critical of them…Some of us are just hoping to salvage something of the time he has left here.
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This poor unfortunate priest needs lots and lots of prayers. Your parish would not be boring to him if he immersed himself in being a pastor to the parishioners! He is bored because he is doing the minimum!

Do not give up on him. Invite him to participate in everything the parishioners organize. The poor man has lost sight of his vocation. At his ordination he told the Lord “Here I am.” He is now telling the Lord that he will not serve. Pray for him. Love him.

Miracles do happen. The depth of your prayer and love can draw a miracle from God.
 
Call me the dissenter. I think a priest places his life and convenience on the line when he’s ordained. He’s married to the Church, and he better listen up when her children call for his participation.

It is one thing to label American sports stupid, and refuse to have a Mass for football players. It is another thing entirely for a priest not to make his sick calls!!!

My first question: Does he have command of English? I’m not talking about memorizing prayers. He thinks American sports are stupid, is he from a foreign country, and does he problems with English?

If so, and in any event, he needs people to keep inviting him to activities, dinner, etc., whether he refuses or not. Clarify when you ask him something.

If not, then yes, of course, pray for him. But your dean and then your bishop if the dean does nothing needs to know this priest is unhappy where he is, and refuses to participate in parish life. You’ve all tried. Not making sick calls is the last straw.

You don’t have to be nasty or complaining about the whole thing, just get a committee together, make an appointment and state the facts. The facts include when (dates and times), where and circumstances surrounding Father’s lack of participation and antagonism toward Americans. Perhaps the dean or the bishop can assist Father in adjusting his perspective. Perhaps one of them can have another priest from the diocese, one more attuned to young people, come out for Friday night Mass and football, relieving Father of some of his discomfort.

Yes, we need priests in this country. No, we do not need to be bullied and treated poorly by any priest, foreign or native.
 
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OutinChgoburbs:
It is one thing to label American sports stupid, and refuse to have a Mass for football players. It is another thing entirely for a priest not to make his sick calls!!!

My first question: Does he have command of English? I’m not talking about memorizing prayers. He thinks American sports are stupid, is he from a foreign country, and does he problems with English?

If so, and in any event, he needs people to keep inviting him to activities, dinner, etc., whether he refuses or not. Clarify when you ask him something.

If not, then yes, of course, pray for him. But your dean and then your bishop if the dean does nothing needs to know this priest is unhappy where he is, and refuses to participate in parish life. You’ve all tried. Not making sick calls is the last straw.

Yes, we need priests in this country. No, we do not need to be bullied and treated poorly by any priest, foreign or native.
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I don’t want this to sound angry or bitter, but we are all trying to get this man involved in our parish. The only thing that interest him is the parish picnic. A lot of the money we had from the last picnic was spent on remodeling the rectory and replacing a large portion of the furnishings
He is from Poland, but has spent the last 10 or so years in Canada. He speaks English quit well, is very educated and keeps reminding many of us, how much education he has received , and how lacking our children are.
He is totally paranoid. The curtains are always closed and no one is allowed in his portion of the rectory. He doesn’t venture out of the house unless it’s to say Mass or when he’s leaving town on his days off. He won’t eat at any of the local restuarants. I’ve been present when he belittles his secretary, making unkind remarks. He harasses other women on church committees, but never says anything negative to the men. We do need priest, but ours keeps threatening if we complain, the bishop will shut our parish down…He says they are looking for a reason.
We’re all praying, I really feel he will leave soon. He keeps saying there are bigger parishes that want him…
 
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countrylifer:
I don’t want this to sound angry or bitter, but we are all trying to get this man involved in our parish. The only thing that interest him is the parish picnic. A lot of the money we had from the last picnic was spent on remodeling the rectory and replacing a large portion of the furnishings
He is from Poland, but has spent the last 10 or so years in Canada. He speaks English quit well, is very educated and keeps reminding many of us, how much education he has received , and how lacking our children are.
He is totally paranoid. The curtains are always closed and no one is allowed in his portion of the rectory. He doesn’t venture out of the house unless it’s to say Mass or when he’s leaving town on his days off. He won’t eat at any of the local restuarants. I’ve been present when he belittles his secretary, making unkind remarks. He harasses other women on church committees, but never says anything negative to the men. We do need priest, but ours keeps threatening if we complain, the bishop will shut our parish down…He says they are looking for a reason.
We’re all praying, I really feel he will leave soon. He keeps saying there are bigger parishes that want him…
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Maybe you’ll get lucky and a bigger parish will take him. This guy just sounds like a jerk. Nowhere is it written that a priest will be a nice guy, they’re only human. I can’t offer any advice other than to pray about it. Is it possible to approach your bishop? If enough parishoners gather together and coherently discuss your problems with this priest, maybe the bishop will do something. It really seems like he’s setting a horrible example for the young people.
 
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countrylifer:
…We do need priest, but ours keeps threatening if we complain, the bishop will shut our parish down…He says they are looking for a reason.
We’re all praying, I really feel he will leave soon. He keeps saying there are bigger parishes that want him…
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OK, who are you going to believe? This priest can’t stand where he is, can’t stand women on committees, can’t stand American food/ sports/ culture, and apparently hasn’t a humble bone in his body…and he stiffs the sick and homebound.

Does his description seem like your dean (the priest in charge of the deanery) or your bishop? Do you have sufficient membership in your parish? If the answers are iffy, then be cautious. If not, form a comittee and set out the facts. He WANTS to be pulled.

I live in an area where the Polish abound, and there are Polish priests. Not every part of the Chicago suburbs is “metro” in the sense of being right on the hub of things. It’s pretty rural in places in the Diocese of Rockford, Joliet, Peoria, Belleville. These Polish priests I’ve met are very nice, very well educated, but willing to play sports with the boys (lots of soccer) and eat just about anything that is set before them. I am sorry you got the nasty one.
 
I’ve been around Polish priest my whole life. I know what good, caring and dedicated men they were. Maybe that’s why no one has taken this any further, because he makes no secret of the fact, this is just very temporary. So in the mean time we just pray that he will make the most of his time here, or he will leave. It’s very disappointing though, I always remember the priest where I grew up, some Polish, some Irish…you could see how dedicated they were to serving, anyway they could. I do hear from the other parishes in adjoining towns, that they have the same problem. It seems it’s just this order of priest.
So let us all pray for many more new priest, sister and brothers who will guide, in the true way to Jesus…
 
Do you think he DOSN’T want you to go to the bishop because he wants the bishop to think he is doing a fine job so he will be promoted? ( If you have a strong parish), he might be using scare tactics to keep you from making a formal complaint.
You may want him gone quickly, but he might do even more harm in a big, city parish with people who arn’t as strong in their faith.
I recomend talking to the bishop in a non-confrontational way.
 
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countrylifer:
He doesn’t visit the sick, or our parishioners in nursing homes.
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I’m sorry, I think the above is most certainly his duty! I’d contact the bishop.
 
Well, I don’t have any original advice. I would continue to ask him to participate whenever something comes up. Just keep smiling and inviting him. (you know the whole honey and vinegar saying) I would also, however, see about contacting the Bishop. Maybe several of you could arrange to speak with him in person. Seeing your sincerity and concern may be more effective than just a letter telling him all the problems with this particular priest. ( it is probably easy to brush off another complaint letter) Ask if he has any suggestions for you when dealing with your pastor. Maybe the Bishop knows something you all don’t know about this priest and could help you communicate with him better. Or maybe he will set him straight and tell him if he can’t minister to a modestly sized parish, he will not be considered for a larger one 😉 .
In the mean time, I would pray, pray, pray. I hope that you will have a better time soon and that this experience doesn’t give the enthusiastic young people in your parish a bad feeling about the Church and priests.
 
Hmmm.

To be honest, it sounds like you have good intentions but maybe have gone about implementing them the wrong way?

What priest, or anyone for that matter, would feel comfortable spending his time off with parishoners who keep a laundry list of his perceived ineptitude? A lot of what you report about him seems to be hearsay, too. I doubt you were present for every remark he supposedly made, though you quote it as if it were God’s truth.

I think you catch more flies with honey in these situations. Maybe he is lonely and a little disappointed with his surroundings. Some priests grow extremely attached to not just the relationships they make in large parishes, but the environment as well. Since education is important to him, perhaps culture is too. I wonder if he misses the mueseums, the theatre, the art events and diversity of big cities. A small town can be very lonely and disconcerting for someone used to the hustle and bustle of either a city or even a busy suburb!

Have any of you tried to perfect a polish dish and brought it by the rectory? Simply dropped it off with a card and best wishes for him to enjoy it? Have any of you invited him to “the city” and perhaps asked him to join you for a nice dinner and a theatre production? Have any of you gotten to know HIM and found out what HE finds fun and worthwhile for doing? Have you sent him an email (less threatening) and just said, “Father! We would love to spend some time with you. Let’s take a drive into the city on Saturday evening and have a late dinner at _______.” If he declines, try again in person. Your persistence might shock him, as it won’t be something you’re asking him to DO, it will be something you’re asking him to ENJOY.

Sometimes the crankiest of older men and women are really the most tender-hearted softies (in disguise!) out there. I would be willing to bet that given the proper light-hearted cajoling and some genuine caring that does not lend itself to sports team requests, your priest might thaw a little bit. If by chance you do get to have dinner with him, try not bringing up a single word about what you would like for him to do or adhere to. Ask him about Poland, ask him about the Holy Father’s passing, ask him about his vocation, ask him about his education, ask him about his family.

Priests need ministering to as well. When a relationship is formed, you might be surprised by what he is willing to branch out and try, in terms of your community’s “traditions.”
 
I don’t know if you’ve ever lived in a small town. but where I’m from, people in the community go out of their way to welcome you. We’ve done the dinners, the pastries, inviting to area functions…But after being refused time and time again, you just give up. Most of the time he won’t answer the phone or the door. If we want to invite him for anything we have to wait til his secretary is in the office. Then she has to call back with regrets…Some will keep trying and others won’t. Most of us will continue to pray for help in some way…
Oh And everything in my posts is first hand…
 
I vote for a group from your parish meeting with the bishop or his representatives to discuss the situation. Hope you can get it resolved. 😦
 
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countrylifer:
I don’t know if you’ve ever lived in a small town. but where I’m from, people in the community go out of their way to welcome you. We’ve done the dinners, the pastries, inviting to area functions…But after being refused time and time again, you just give up. Most of the time he won’t answer the phone or the door. If we want to invite him for anything we have to wait til his secretary is in the office. Then she has to call back with regrets…Some will keep trying and others won’t. Most of us will continue to pray for help in some way…
Oh And everything in my posts is first hand…
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I grew up in the country and have returned to the country, but also lived in Philadelphia and New York City.

Keep trying! Give it the personal touch, and invite him in person to outtings that have nothing to do with sports, and where his failings as a pastor will not be discussed. Continue to pepper him with kindness and small tokens of caring.

As much as you perhaps think you’ve welcomed him, the tone of your posts does not indicate that whatsoever. I’m quite sure that your collective disappointment with him has most certainly made it’s way back to him, and what person would feel comfortable in that sort of situation?
 
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