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dizzy_dave
Guest
How do we be nice to people who treat us badly, I really struggle with this?
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Faithful_2_Rome
Guest
Everyone struggles with this…sometimes we are successful, sometimes not…leading a prayer life and recieving the sacraments often help.
LAst week, I was slowing down in traffic to make a left turn… the car behind me was impatient and as he pulled alongside he gave me the finger and called a J…Off… I started to say, hey, go…yourself…when I stopped at “hey go”…and went into…God Bless him Lord…maybe I did something wrong while I slowed down… I tend to say prayers while I drive…and cant recall if I had just finished any that day…but always tryng to be “in Jesus” does tend to help and bring us back from being no better than the other person.
Though I pray alot, the above is sadly a rare reaction from me…I do tend to let the anger flow when I am attacked…but I always regret it few minutes later and ask forgiveness…and thats all Christ is really asking us…whether we fall seven times or seventy…whether us or our neighbor…START OVER…never give up…he’ll ALWAYS give us a “B” for Effort (Blessing)
LAst week, I was slowing down in traffic to make a left turn… the car behind me was impatient and as he pulled alongside he gave me the finger and called a J…Off… I started to say, hey, go…yourself…when I stopped at “hey go”…and went into…God Bless him Lord…maybe I did something wrong while I slowed down… I tend to say prayers while I drive…and cant recall if I had just finished any that day…but always tryng to be “in Jesus” does tend to help and bring us back from being no better than the other person.
Though I pray alot, the above is sadly a rare reaction from me…I do tend to let the anger flow when I am attacked…but I always regret it few minutes later and ask forgiveness…and thats all Christ is really asking us…whether we fall seven times or seventy…whether us or our neighbor…START OVER…never give up…he’ll ALWAYS give us a “B” for Effort (Blessing)
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Scapular
Guest
I have recently read a compilation of the diary entries of St. Faustina, Revelations of Divine Mercy, George W. Kosicki.
The writings of St. Faustina teach us about the depths of the mercy of God and his son our Lord, Jesus Christ.
What changed me was the way I handled people. I seek now to become an instrument of His Mercy. Here you read, every day, a diary entry explaining how much He wishes to extend mercy to the souls in the world. Here you learn about being like Him.
Then perhaps it is not so much that we “have to be nice to mean people” but that we extend mercy to these souls that are having trouble.
I believe this kind of love is strongly evangelical and will draw a soul to seek God and to seek righteousness.
Faithfully yours,
The writings of St. Faustina teach us about the depths of the mercy of God and his son our Lord, Jesus Christ.
What changed me was the way I handled people. I seek now to become an instrument of His Mercy. Here you read, every day, a diary entry explaining how much He wishes to extend mercy to the souls in the world. Here you learn about being like Him.
Then perhaps it is not so much that we “have to be nice to mean people” but that we extend mercy to these souls that are having trouble.
I believe this kind of love is strongly evangelical and will draw a soul to seek God and to seek righteousness.
Faithfully yours,
A
asquared
Guest
read the Little Way of St. Therese. Everyone we encounter, mean or nice, helpful or aggravating, is there to bring us closer to God, not their behavior but our response is the key. We behave as Christ would. Down here it is popular to hang a rosary on the rear view mirror. I do it not out of devotion, but to remind me to cool it with the road rage (our official state sport)
T
T.A.Stobie_SFO
Guest
I try to see them like God sees them.
We are all two-year olds, only differing in how dirty are our diapers.
I have been know to bless mean people in public outloud. “May God bless You and grant you peace and love in your heart.”
Some people have difficulty being loving when in pain, so you may be able to get to the heart of the meanness, by addressing the cause of their pain.
We are all two-year olds, only differing in how dirty are our diapers.
I have been know to bless mean people in public outloud. “May God bless You and grant you peace and love in your heart.”
Some people have difficulty being loving when in pain, so you may be able to get to the heart of the meanness, by addressing the cause of their pain.
R
robertaf
Guest
Good Morning Church
I try to remember my Grandmas words. “The most unlovable people need love the most”. It has always helped me. smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_1_103.gif
I try to remember my Grandmas words. “The most unlovable people need love the most”. It has always helped me. smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_1_103.gif
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Greg_McPherran
Guest
I think you have to read the situation and understand the person. Sometimes you can just bring it to their attention. “This offends me when…” This takes courage but it’s better then being abused.
We are warned not to seek revenge even though it’s tempting. However, sometimes a mean person may need to be taught (similar to raising a child) that certain behavior will not be tolerated. You have a right to defend yourself. If someone violates your dignity you have every right to stand up for yourself. The hard part is not to lose your temper. I sometimes find that by the time I speak up to someone - I’m a bit steamed
The challenge is to stay cool but deal with the situation.
We are warned not to seek revenge even though it’s tempting. However, sometimes a mean person may need to be taught (similar to raising a child) that certain behavior will not be tolerated. You have a right to defend yourself. If someone violates your dignity you have every right to stand up for yourself. The hard part is not to lose your temper. I sometimes find that by the time I speak up to someone - I’m a bit steamed
The challenge is to stay cool but deal with the situation.
M
Mijoy2
Guest
Faithful 2 Rome:
But when in a car it’s &@#$^&*#$ and things much worse. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!!?? Could never understand.
When I am confronted with this situation I try to tell myself that the attack by the other person is not personal. I tell myself that he/she would have behaved the same way no matter who I happened to be, therefore it is not an attack on me. This sometimes helps me but I find I still often want to pull them over and ask them why they are so angry about such a silly thing.
Bi msitakes come from anger. A cool down period before speakinig is always good advice. The old proverbial, “count to ten”. maybe sometimes it’s a count to 10 thousand but the best advise is to Bite thy tongue! You will probably be glad you did in the long run. Most times I have ever unloaded on someone, I have regretted it later.
I’ve always been bewildered as to why people become so bold/cruel/angry when in a vehicle. If two people are walking in a mall and one accidentally cuts the other off, they typicaly both say to one another; “sorry my fault, excuse me please”, “no no no it was all my fault, please excuse ME!”…
But when in a car it’s &@#$^&*#$ and things much worse. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE!!?? Could never understand.
When I am confronted with this situation I try to tell myself that the attack by the other person is not personal. I tell myself that he/she would have behaved the same way no matter who I happened to be, therefore it is not an attack on me. This sometimes helps me but I find I still often want to pull them over and ask them why they are so angry about such a silly thing.
Bi msitakes come from anger. A cool down period before speakinig is always good advice. The old proverbial, “count to ten”. maybe sometimes it’s a count to 10 thousand but the best advise is to Bite thy tongue! You will probably be glad you did in the long run. Most times I have ever unloaded on someone, I have regretted it later.
R
reen12
Guest
As to vehicular behavior, a friend of mine has a
theory. She says that it is the element of “surpise”
that triggers the anger. Since you’re not expecting
someone to cut you off in traffic, part of what fuels
the outrage is the unexpectedness [plus unfairness]
of the action.
My own theory is that a car represents our
“personal space” in a more unique way than when
we’re shopping. So, when we’re cut off, our
“space” has been violated, and we respond with
almost instinctual anger. If man is a rational animal,
than we’re momentarily responding with the animal
rather than rational [not to mention Christian] level.
Puts me in mind of the movie where Katherine
Hepburn says to Humphrey Bogart:
“Nay-chuh is what we are put in this world to
rise above.”
reen12
theory. She says that it is the element of “surpise”
that triggers the anger. Since you’re not expecting
someone to cut you off in traffic, part of what fuels
the outrage is the unexpectedness [plus unfairness]
of the action.
My own theory is that a car represents our
“personal space” in a more unique way than when
we’re shopping. So, when we’re cut off, our
“space” has been violated, and we respond with
almost instinctual anger. If man is a rational animal,
than we’re momentarily responding with the animal
rather than rational [not to mention Christian] level.
Puts me in mind of the movie where Katherine
Hepburn says to Humphrey Bogart:
“Nay-chuh is what we are put in this world to
rise above.”
reen12
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Carol_Theresa
Guest
In the Diary of St. Faustina, Our Lord says that He “demands of you deeds of mercy”. Well in practical terms Our Catholic Church teaches us various ways of doing works of mercy (remember the Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy?). When I am annoyed by the “meaness” or “stupidity” of people, I’ve been trying to remember to perform two of the Spiritual Works of Mercy…Bearing wrongs patiently and Forgiving offenses. I also try to remember to say the ejaculatory prayer…“Jesus meek and humble of heart, make my heart like onto Thine”. As you can see this is something which I also struggle with. 
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Carol_Theresa
Guest
I also struggle with dealing (in my heart in a Christian way) with people who are “mean” or “stupid”. I’ve been trying to remember to pray to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and will say an ejaculatory prayer “Jesus meek and humble of heart, make my heart like onto Thine”. Also I’m trying to follow Our Lord’s directive (to St. Faustina as recorded in her diary) “I demand from you deeds of mercy…”. Remember the Spiritual and Corporal Works of Mercy that the Catholic Church teaches? Well the two in particular that I try to remember at those times of annoyance are to “Bear wrongs patiently” and to “Forgive offenses”. I try to “offer these up” as a personal penance. Not easy for me.
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sparkle
Guest
Hi DizzyDave:
I do think one important aspect of your post is when and how to recognize a case of 1) trying to show God’s love to “mean people” and when to 2) really draw the line in NOT taking abuse any longer, from someone who is hurting us or our family relationships in some way. There is a fine line between the two, and most important to recognize them! For we all have encountered just the “mean–not nice” nasty person or co-worker --and for this I believe , the “kill 'em with kindness” rule applies–on the other hand–I do believe in some instances we must really “separate” from those who are “wolves in sheeps clothing”–and in whom it is purely not healthy to associate with any longer. This takes discernment, often times counseling, but it is valuable. I suggest reading the book: “Boundaries” --“Boundaries in Marriage”, and related books by the guys at NewLife.
I do think one important aspect of your post is when and how to recognize a case of 1) trying to show God’s love to “mean people” and when to 2) really draw the line in NOT taking abuse any longer, from someone who is hurting us or our family relationships in some way. There is a fine line between the two, and most important to recognize them! For we all have encountered just the “mean–not nice” nasty person or co-worker --and for this I believe , the “kill 'em with kindness” rule applies–on the other hand–I do believe in some instances we must really “separate” from those who are “wolves in sheeps clothing”–and in whom it is purely not healthy to associate with any longer. This takes discernment, often times counseling, but it is valuable. I suggest reading the book: “Boundaries” --“Boundaries in Marriage”, and related books by the guys at NewLife.
F
Fortiterinre
Guest
I think a lot depends on the nature of the relationship–the closer it is, the easier it is to address the meanness directly. Protect your dignity, and at the same time don’t take the pettiness too seriously. I was driving in downtown Chicago at night a few months ago, I made a night-vision traffic mistake in lane usage (my fault), and the elaborate road rage I was subjected to actually made me burst out laughing! I expected and deserved a long honk, but three minutes of honking with cursing and finger flipping had me laughing. What could have left me smoldering had me singing along with the radio in no time, because of the sheer silliness of the mean person. I wasn’t exactly being nice to them, but at least I didn’t yell or flip back!
J
JimG
Guest
I remember an incident related in the autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux. There was a particular nun in her convent who was impossible to get along with, constantly complaining, etc.
Therese made it a special project of hers to be especially nice to this nun, do extra things for her, say nice things to her, etc. Nothing much changed; but one day the crochety old nun asked Therese a question. I’m paraphrasing, but it was something like this: “Sister, I’ve noticed that you pay special attention to me. What are my particular qualities that so attract you to me?”
Therese was nearly struck dumb. She could hardly say what she thought–that the sister had no particular good qualities. It was her bad qualities that had made her a “penance” for Therese!
JimG
Therese made it a special project of hers to be especially nice to this nun, do extra things for her, say nice things to her, etc. Nothing much changed; but one day the crochety old nun asked Therese a question. I’m paraphrasing, but it was something like this: “Sister, I’ve noticed that you pay special attention to me. What are my particular qualities that so attract you to me?”
Therese was nearly struck dumb. She could hardly say what she thought–that the sister had no particular good qualities. It was her bad qualities that had made her a “penance” for Therese!
JimG
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