How do you deal with a cynical person?

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mass4life

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I know that eventually the person will just have to make up his mind to believe or not believe the truths you are explaining, but what do you do with a person who believes EVERYTHING has a sinister motive behind it? (Besides pray for them.)

Has anyone out there ever debated/explained to/convinced a cynical person?
 
Hey - I am married to one! It cames from a bad childhood. Big parental problems, abuse - something seriously wrong in childhood.

There is a Catholic teaching that says you have to believe the best intentions of everyone, unless you have good evidence not to. I don’t know where to find the quote but I’ll look for it in the CCC. That’s the only thing I know to tell you.
 
Well, my only idea for this would be to let the cynical individual find the truth on his/her own. Give them a few resources to help you prove your point, and let them look at it on their own. Sometimes, to convince a person, you can’t shove the ideas down his/her throat. 😉
 
I think the best way to deal with a cynic is to smother them with kindness. 😃
 
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AmandaPS:
I think the best way to deal with a cynic is to smother them with kindness. 😃
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Easier said then done, especially if the person seems to take great pride and enjoyment in causing as much frustration and grief to the people around him as possible.
 
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Heath:
Easier said then done, especially if the person seems to take great pride and enjoyment in causing as much frustration and grief to the people around him as possible.
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Unfortunately, this is oftentimes the case. Why have hope, what is goodness when it doesn’t seem to be gainful, what is someone else getting out of being nice. And you can not have a bad day, because it will get noticed.
 
How about returning the cynicism to them?

Do something good for them. Then say “Now I bet you’ll think I had a sinister motive behind that. Heh. Well, that won’t stop me from doing good things for you.”

🙂

I’d love to ask “How do I prove I don’t have a sinister motive behind what I do for you?” I bet he has no answer. “then is it OK to judge someone incorrectly?”
 
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BobCatholic:
How about returning the cynicism to them?

Do something good for them. Then say “Now I bet you’ll think I had a sinister motive behind that. Heh. Well, that won’t stop me from doing good things for you.”

🙂

I’d love to ask “How do I prove I don’t have a sinister motive behind what I do for you?” I bet he has no answer. “then is it OK to judge someone incorrectly?”
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Send them into a paranoid, mental roller coaster of wondering, “Are you really getting something out of helping me?” Or “Are you getting an ego boost because you pity me?”

Hmmm… A mental roller coaster of wondering may be a good thing. 😛
 
I gently tease them, and I give them a lot of attention. I tease them because they’re really being very silly in their pessimistic view, and I do it gently because no one gets that viewpoint for a funny reason. I also do this because I have a great affection for my cynical friends. Cynics are nearly always bruised optimists. We do not live a life of love as we should, and that really bothers them. My “cynical” friends have been the ones who say nobody does anything for altruistic reasons but who still somehow were always the ones who showed up when they’re needed.
 
My father is very cynical. I had to endure being with him for at least an hour every school day all during high school as he drove me to my school in the town where he worked. I tried to ignore him most of the time and remain silent, but sometimes that made it worse. I tried to stay as positive as possible and vent to others who would understand. I hope I have not become too much like him.
 
Is this cynical person trapped in the cycle of trying to find attention through negative ways? Some people get stuck in that mode and seek out satisfaction, attention, and fulfillment through negativity, complaining, and being a victim all the time (in one way or another). You know the type: they always have to have a crisis in their lives and the crisis is a way to manipulate you to give them attention. This person’s “crisis” could be the expressed opinion that there’s sinister motives behind everything. Once they express this suspicion they have you buzzing all around them giving them endless attention in an attempt to make them feel good about the world, you know what I mean? (Like, being positive all the time and showering them with love: you do all the work while they sit back and complain about whatever. What’s up with that??) When you speak with this person do you find yourself constantly having to try and make them feel good. Maybe this cynicysm is a way to get you to keep them and their needs in the center of attention. By “their needs” they may just need plain ol’ attention in any form even if that form is you arguing with them about how there isn’t a sinister reason behind everything yadda yadda yadda. Cynisism is a very selfish habit. You, the cynic, carry on and make everyone else feel bad for you and your poor suspicious self.

If this person is trying to get attention through negative ways I’d suggest a healthy dose of counseling to “re-train” them to learn to seek attention through positive ways. If this is the case, they are not doing this cynic stuff on purpose - it’s a learned behavior that needs to be unlearned.

If they are using cynisism to gain attention (why else would you be cynical except to make everyone pay attention to you??) you need to set up healthy boundries so that they can no longer manipulate you. This will also have a good effect on them as well because they will be forced to seek attention from you in a positive way rather then a negative way. I don’t mean that you should yell at them or insult them but find a way to tell them that you do not want to hear about their suspicions anymore. Enough! Tell it to someone else, thank you kindly. Smiling at them and being passive just gives them permission to dump their negativity on you. You don’t deserve that. Let them know you don’t want to hear it. Like Thumper’s mom said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

If they get re-trained the cynic will then become a much happier and less suspicious person and won’t need to manipulate people to get attention.
 
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mass4life:
I know that eventually the person will just have to make up his mind to believe or not believe the truths you are explaining, but what do you do with a person who believes EVERYTHING has a sinister motive behind it? (Besides pray for them.)

Has anyone out there ever debated/explained to/convinced a cynical person?
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Many of the people of whom you speak come to this forum…
Some ,I suspect of just wanting to provke so they can cause trouble or try and prove their own ideas…
😦
 
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mass4life:
I know that eventually the person will just have to make up his mind to believe or not believe the truths you are explaining, but what do you do with a person who believes EVERYTHING has a sinister motive behind it? (Besides pray for them.)

Has anyone out there ever debated/explained to/convinced a cynical person?
Click to expand...
My Dear Ole’ Dad is prob. the worst case of this. It is ruining him and his 2nd marriage. Also, it has rubbed off onto me and my brothers. I recognize it thanks to my husband and am trying to stop it!! these people I think need to go outside of themselves and get involved in things with other people!! consistently!!
 
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MichelleTherese:
Like, being positive all the time and showering them with love: you do all the work while they sit back and complain about whatever. What’s up with that?
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Well, I don’t think it does them any good for me to flit around like Edith Bunker, trying not to upset them. But on the other hand, what is a better job in life than to shower someone with love? Really, I let them know I take them seriously, that I hold them in affection, but that I take their cynicism lightly and hold it as one of those nothings we all have that only drives us nuts and gets us nowhere. With that treatment, they have lightened up.

Being a cynic is a hard life. It is a lot of work, a relentless grind. Honestly, I have known a cynic who won a jackpot at Reno and couldn’t stop chain-smoking until he realized that he could’ve won more if he’d done something differently. He honestly couldn’t settle down until he found something “wrong” with the situation. It was so silly, it was funny. I’ve been lucky I guess; the cynics I have known well have been worth the trouble to lighten their loads a little.
 
AmandaPS said:
I think the best way to deal with a cynic is to smother them with kindness. 😃
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Is that all???!!!
So simple.
If this is the case I could use some serious smothering ASAP. Bring it on!

In my life I’ve never seen 100% self-giving 100% of the time from any one person…the malady is the unavoidable human condition we are all part of.

Hard-core bristle-like cynics need to focus on the perfect love of God…and be thankful…They need to discover God’s perfect love…directly from Him. Discovering shades of love via people always helps too.

So…yes…shower the cynic in your life with love and kindness and make a difference today. ❤️
 
One thing folks could do is ask a cynical person about how much time they have been in a hospital. Alot have been. Then ask who put them into the hospital. The answer might not be “family friendly.”
 
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