How do you decide what to do for penance (for Lent; on Fridays)?

[Kathrin]

As a scrupulous person, this may be more of a problem for me than for others… how do I know something is a good act of penace, or if it is a scrupulously influenced thought that might actually cause harm.

A part of me says, doing what hurts you most is the best penance.
Hm.
Could that depend?

A spiritual advisor once told me I didn’t have to give something up just ebcause I had the thought I “HAD” to give it up (kind of like an obsessive thought popping into my head), because God knows I love Him anyway (this was not about Lent or Fridays, but if something popped into my head just like that, or as a penance because I felt I did something wrong, etc).

Now, how do you go about deciding what might be a good penance?
For example, is it wise to give something up that gives you pleasure but that you also feel inspired to do, for example if you study something? I have mentioned here before that I am learning a language that I like very much, I spend a lot of time doing it, reading books, etc, I really feel inspired. Now the thought popped into my head (again) that I could give that up for Fridays or even for Lent. Hm. But if you give up studying something for a longer period of time, that might a) get you behind and b) actually take the feeling of inspiration away.
Yes, I would also miss it a lot and that might be a good form of penance, but another part in me tells me this is really a compulsive thought and it would actually cause harm in getting me (even for a while) away from somethign I feel inspired to do.

The problem is, now that I had the thought I feel kind of bad for choosing NOT to give it up, kind of like: If I have the thought of giving up something, and then I choose not to give it up, it means I am not willing to do anything for God?
But who tells me that would be a good thing to do for God?

So, do you give up something like that? Something you study? Something you work on? A job you do that you also enjoy doing?

As for Fridays, I usually don’t eat mustard with my food (I looove mustard on a lot of things), which I guess is similar to somebody not eating meat (I don’t eat meat anyway).
But then I still find myself on a day off (like today) and I have my book with me that I study from and somehow I feel I am not allowed to do it because it is Friday and it would be something I enjoy.

Any thoughts? Any readings you could suggest that talk about this problem? Personal experiences?

Kathrin

 

[almeras]

Kathrin,

I personally do not know the answer to this, but I would recommend not giving up your study of another language. If it something that is totally obsessive and prevents you from spending time with God (thru prayer, reading the bible, etc…), then you should give it up or cut it back quite a bit. I consider extra curricular activities like studying part of our growth for God. Learning this language is another tool that God is giving you to possibly spread his Gospel. I know this probably does not help, but I will be keeping an eye on this thread to see what others have to say.

 

[geezerbob]

The answer to your question can be found in Isaiah 58. It’s short, only two pages, and contains a wealth of information on what is pleasing to God.

 

[thistle]

My sister-in-law is an avid movie goer but during Lent she doesn’t watch any.

 

[Kathrin]

Kathrin,

I personally do not know the answer to this, but I would recommend not giving up your study of another language. If it something that is totally obsessive and prevents you from spending time with God (thru prayer, reading the bible, etc…), then you should give it up or cut it back quite a bit. I consider extra curricular activities like studying part of our growth for God. Learning this language is another tool that God is giving you to possibly spread his Gospel. I know this probably does not help, but I will be keeping an eye on this thread to see what others have to say.

No this atually does help. Gives me more to think.
Does my studying prevent me from spending time with God? I don’t think so. I have been praying my rosary on the way to work even though I’d rather read or study. And a while ago (and I did post about this) I was worried that I might get too much into this stduying, but then I started going to mass more often because of this thought, almost every day, so this whole process actually brought me closer to God.

Since I feel so inspired I have the feeling it is something I may be called to do. It gives me a big sense of “fulfillment”. So a part of me thinks, a distraction from it might also be the evil one trying me to distract. But then again, since I ENJOY doing it, I also think maybe I shouldn’t do it, say, on Fridays? But if you feel something is part of your purpose right now, isn’t it normal that you enjoy it, isn’t the enjoyment actually a sign that it is good? (unless it is sinful of course).

And if I have a tendency toward scrupulosity and intrusive thoughts, could I just assume a thought like “you have to give especially THIS up” could be an intrusive thought?
Or do I have to listen to it because it means if I don’t I wouldn’t do everything for God? (KInd of like, do what feels the worst, give up what makes you feel best, just in case, just to make sure you don’t do anything for selfish reasons?)

Or maybe this: Do we have to give up what we most enjoy (apart from religious things, of course) and what gives us a sense of purpose, even if it might have bad effects or it might be something you feel called to do?

What especially got me thinking was reading somewhere that Friday is a day of mortification. So on any Friday, should we do ANYthing we enjoy?
But then, would God want us to not do anything enjoyable on a 7th of our lives??

Kathrin

 

[Kathrin]

The answer to your question can be found in Isaiah 58. It’s short, only two pages, and contains a wealth of information on what is pleasing to God.

Woah.
A wealth of information, that is for sure.
I am trying not to interpret too much. But fasting should also be something that is good for our neighbors, THAT is most pleasing for God?
If I only give something up for the sake of giving something up, it might not be good (and actually bad, because it might make me depressed to feel I am not doing something that I feel called to do)

Or did I read that wrong?

 

[Kathrin]

Well. Wow.
I went to confession today and asked the priest about this matter too.
He had quite interesting things to say and made me feel much better and freer.
Some points that stuck with me:

• For a scrupulous person, it is always better to NOT go the way the anxiety tells her or him) to go, but to steer against it and rather take the risk of doing something wrong sometime.
• Penance must make some kind of sense (like it says in Isaiah 8).
• It is NOT so that we have to do anything that pops into our heads, because we should discern everything first.
• We do not have to do what causes the most suffering for us. God also created joy and He wants us to experience it.

On top of this I had a wonderful confession, I talked to a very kind and understanding priest. I could also confess some things that I have been carrying around with me for a while. We also talked about prayer and how it should not be compulsive (as in, I have to repeat it again because I got distracted, etc, or I HAVE to do this now because somebody told me to.) Because then we lose the joy in praying.

Kathrin

 

[theistgal]

Sounds like you have a great priest!

In our parish (Eastern Catholic), we fast from meat on Wednesdays as well as Fridays. Penance is seen as more of a communal thing, rather than just “I personally am doing this or that penance”. Certainly you can still give up something if you want to, but if you do all the things the Church suggests, that should be more than enough penance for anyone!