How do you know if she's the one?

[AllSeasons]

I have a question for the married guys. How did you know that she’s the one that you’d marry? And how long did it take you to find out? Thank you.

 

[PaulinVA]

I met my wife in college (at the Catholic Student Center).

She was someone who I could talk to about anything, someone I enjoyed spending time with, someone who made me feel whole.

Then she broke up with me when I graduated…

Dejected, I joined the French Foriegn Legion to forget. Okay, it was the US Army, but… No girl I dated compared favorably to her. I started calling her again from across the country, and we just connected - were still connected. Then she broke up with me again. She was just terrified of the fact she had found the one and it was time to act, to commit.

Sooo, I was stationed in Georgia and she was in Florida, and she contacted my parents to find out how to contact me (30 years ago it was just home phone and snail mail). She invited me to Thanksgiving with her family, and we were engaged by December.

How did I know she was the one? I prayed. But, also, I could not imagine anyone else. She was kind, intelligent, and when we were together, the words just tumbled out of us. We could talk about anything. She was my best friend before she was my wife. And, she respected me.

 

[The_Bucket]

I realized that she was my best chance of getting to heaven and for some reason liked me. Her love for God was and still is amazing; I knew I had to get on board with that.

 

[Crescentinus]

reads the replies to learn :

 

[Nimzovik]

The old saying goes–" If you have to *ask *if she is the one - then she is *not *the one."

Just a tidbit that has a kernel of wisdom.

 

[ironman62292]

You will know. I’m not married but I’ve found the one. In a few years we will be married. I knew she was the one because God told me so. Maybe one of the first times I ever fully trusted God is when I met her. At that point I was 16 and never had a single girlfriend. I met her, trusted in God that his will be done, and now three years later we are seriously considering marriage.

Whenever I’m around her my whole day lights up. She gives me peace in chaos. She listens to me, she seeks purity with me, and we both love each other the way God intended it to be. When you find the one, you will know, deep down Gods voice will be whispering to you that she’s the one.

 

[GratefulFred]

There is no one right answer. Every couple is unique. Unique in their individual readiness to be married and unique in the events that they encounter in life.

But there are certain areas that do need to be asked and answered by both in order to enhance the likelyhood that he/she is, indeed, the one.

1. How committed are we to doing our best to follow Christ? Do we go to Mass and receive the Sacraments because we WANT to or just out of habit that may seem like a boring chore? Will he/she help sustain and nurture my Faith or be a drag on it?
2. How committed are we to becoming parents? Do we see children as a burden or something that we are entrusted by God to raise as best we can?
3. How committed are we to spending our money wisely? Are we prepared to live within our means and not overextend our credit?

There are other areas to ask and answer but these are the big three. Remember, answers are both verbal AND how the other acts. We all have a tendency to say one thing and do another. Have to allow some shortfall, but not too much.

And then, ask, "Do you see yourself with me at age 85 looking back over the life we shared and being able to say, “I am so glad we shared it together.” ?

I got the right answers 48 years ago. It was GREAT Father’s Day yesterday.

 

[Lancer]

I always told our children…especially our daughters that “dating” did not work…but “courtship” did…and that’s what won over their future mother… (after 6 yrs of courting) to marry me (although my wife always pokes fun at me in front of the children when I tell any of them about my “courtship” talents and techniques…which she says were more akin to or like…“stalking”…techniques!). In all honesty, since I was in the Marine Corps and deployed for long periods and often stationed far away …I had to I make sure that she knew how serious I was and how strongly I felt about her…how much I thought of her…and how committed I was to her…marrying her. So I was always sending her notes, cards, letters…calling when I could…even had a few Marine buddies stop buy and take care of her car maintenance…I really had to “court” their mother for nearly 6 years before she said Yes.

How did I know she was the one? Easy…she always said “I forgive you”…over my slightest fault…forgetfulness…never once then or over the last 45 years…did she say: “don’t worry about it” or “its okay” or “forget about it”…whenever I did something wrong…like order her a soda drink and forget to be thoughtful enough to tear open/pull back the cover on the straw and put it into her drink…so that all she to do was pull the straw cover off. I would always say “…I am sorry…” and she always said “I forgive you”. The little things…the small things in life…in relationship…in friendship and marriage… in vows/duties… were all very important to her…she was never casual or cavalier about the little things…in our relationship…but always incredibly gracious in “forgiveness”. She even said these same words to me just as we walked out of the Church after our Nuptial Mass…she looked me in the eye and said: “I forgive you”…then, me, puzzled and wondering what I did wrong or forgot in the Nuptial Mass…she simply said that I forgive you for anything that you may ever do wrong to me or ever do that hurts me while we are married! Well…in Tennis scoring terms that was: “point…game…set…match & championship”! I have been trying for all these years to make sure that she never has to say those words to again…failed on that endeavor…yes…but it is a work of love to try and boy is it great to succeed! Bottom line: she is still a beautiful, gracious, mystery woman who intrigues me to this very day! .And one other important thing about her in my decision…she always has a hymn/song that she hums as she goes about her day…I just watch and wonder…never say or ask anything about it…my 6th grade school teacher… Sister Angela (Ursuline) told me to only marry a woman who has a song continually playing in her heart…a sign of the Holy Spirit…Sister was right!

Pax Christi

 

[brie90]

I’m not sure if I’ve found the one yet but I guess if they’re already your best friend. If you get along very well then everything else should come naturally.

 

[AllSeasons]

Thank you for the replies so far. I don’t know if I’m just really lucky, but I keep running into great Catholic women who share the same values, goals, etc., and I get along well with them. But that makes it even tougher to discern whether they are the one for one. I suppose that’s a good problem to have, but a problem nonetheless, since in the end, I will marry only one of them.

 

[Bezant]

I have a question for the married guys. How did you know that she’s the one that you’d marry? And how long did it take you to find out? Thank you.

Single man here, but my grandad’s advice: if you see your goal and her goal as one common goal (and vice cersa).

 

[cjmclark]

I have a question for the married guys. How did you know that she’s the one that you’d marry? And how long did it take you to find out? Thank you.

Some incredible combination of science and God.

My wife and I met through a highly publicized online match site. Neither of us were really into meeting people in bars, and she worked for the Diocese and I was a submariner, so meeting folks at work didn’t really pan out either (that’s also usually just a bad idea anyway). We met for the first time in June and were married by October. It helped a lot that we were older (late 20s/early 30s) and had already lived on our own for a while.

How did I know? She laughed at my jokes. She made me laugh. She forgave me when I messed up and asked me to forgive her when she did. And most importantly, she dragged me to Mass. I was a cradle Catholic who did the angry high school atheist bit, came back with a vengeance for RCIA in college, and then lapsed when I joined the military. She brought me back to the Church. How could I not marry her?

 

[cptsil80]

I always told our children…especially our daughters that “dating” did not work…but “courtship” did…and that’s what won over their future mother… (after 6 yrs of courting) to marry me (although my wife always pokes fun at me in front of the children when I tell any of them about my “courtship” talents and techniques…which she says were more akin to or like…“stalking”…techniques!). In all honesty, since I was in the Marine Corps and deployed for long periods and often stationed far away …I had to I make sure that she knew how serious I was and how strongly I felt about her…how much I thought of her…and how committed I was to her…marrying her. So I was always sending her notes, cards, letters…calling when I could…even had a few Marine buddies stop buy and take care of her car maintenance…I really had to “court” their mother for nearly 6 years before she said Yes.

How did I know she was the one? Easy…she always said “I forgive you”…over my slightest fault…forgetfulness…never once then or over the last 45 years…did she say: “don’t worry about it” or “its okay” or “forget about it”…whenever I did something wrong…like order her a soda drink and forget to be thoughtful enough to tear open/pull back the cover on the straw and put it into her drink…so that all she to do was pull the straw cover off. I would always say “…I am sorry…” and she always said “I forgive you”. The little things…the small things in life…in relationship…in friendship and marriage… in vows/duties… were all very important to her…she was never casual or cavalier about the little things…in our relationship…but always incredibly gracious in “forgiveness”. She even said these same words to me just as we walked out of the Church after our Nuptial Mass…she looked me in the eye and said: “I forgive you”…then, me, puzzled and wondering what I did wrong or forgot in the Nuptial Mass…she simply said that I forgive you for anything that you may ever do wrong to me or ever do that hurts me while we are married! Well…in Tennis scoring terms that was: “point…game…set…match & championship”! I have been trying for all these years to make sure that she never has to say those words to again…failed on that endeavor…yes…but it is a work of love to try and boy is it great to succeed! Bottom line: she is still a beautiful, gracious, mystery woman who intrigues me to this very day! .And one other important thing about her in my decision…she always has a hymn/song that she hums as she goes about her day…I just watch and wonder…never say or ask anything about it…my 6th grade school teacher… Sister Angela (Ursuline) told me to only marry a woman who has a song continually playing in her heart…a sign of the Holy Spirit…Sister was right!

Pax Christi

Thank you for sharing that. I have a bestfriend that I never seen with another set of eyes other then friendship until recently a space has grown between us. And in this time I have realized that there is no other girl that inspires a better version of myself and makes me feel closer to God. I see God in her and feel his presence when I am with her. In her words of kindness, in her eyes when she sees me and in her actions when she cared for me while I was ill and that makes me want to be devoted to her in a way I have never experienced before. I will see her on the 13th of this April and will pursue to make her my girlfriend and soon marry her. Thank you again.

 

[Soren_Itenu]

I knew my wife was the one because I made her the one by marrying her.

It’s that simple. It is my opinion that few people actually have predestined soulmates. You make your wife your soulmate by making her your spouse.