How do you know when to take up your cross or when to serve elsewhere?

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DisorientingSneeze

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I took over as coordinator of a Mom’s group at church. As soon as I did it was like this switch flipped in another person who didn’t want the spot (i would have so gladly let anyone take it). All of the sudden it’s like I’m an unwilling participant in a competition with her. Some of the older members of the group are fiercely loyal to eachother. They’ve all studied the temperments and use them to excuse some of their unkind behavior. They can do no wrong and proudly state they are cholerics whenever they are being bullies.

When I agreed to take this volunteer position it was with great hesitation because there’s so much about the group history I don’t know. But I thought I was saying yes to Jesus. That in serving mothers growing in their faith we serve families and society. I feel like I’m going insane and I want to run away. How do you know when it is a cross you should bear for the love of Christ and when its ok to quit and serve in other ways?
 
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I remember when you told us about doing this.
For me, if it came to the point where I dreaded the thought of doing it anymore, or it affected my home life because I was anxious or grouchy or sharp, I would leave it. Give them notice, and bow out on X day whether anyone wants the job or not. There are always those that think they can do better but won’t ever take the role on themself.

You tried, it didn’t work out and you move on to serve Jesus somewhere else. It doesn’t mean you can’t serve him elsewhere.
 
Thank you. I think it’s time. I was going to notify the rest of my leadership team of my intention to step down and that I would stick around for the rest of February if I was needed for those events.

I’m pretty much willing to lose all of my friends to get away from a handful of these women. That’s probably a red flag of some sort.

Unrelated or maybe a little related. I’ve missed these forums.
 
Why would you be losing your friends if they are true friends though?
 
The particular women being meangirls are long timers beloved by the community. They will most certainly speak ill of me, more so than they already do. Its probably time for me to recoup as the introvert that I am and then go out in the world and befriend people I get along with better. Doesn’t have to be some weird bubble of women trying to outcatholic eachother.
 
Exactly. You know, as you get older, you learn that in the big picture, I doesn’t matter what other people think if we know it isn’t true. It’s something I wish I learned at an earlier age.
 
The important thing is that you said yes to Jesus and truly tried. We’re all part of the body of Christ and the Church - we each have different roles. Not everyone can be a head, an arm, leg, etc.
 
I stepped down. I’m so relieved. The fact that my chest pain practically vanished validated that the anxiety was out of control. Where I was proved a liar was that I would lose all my friends. Seems it was somehow not that serious.
 
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Thanks be to God! That is great news. You are not a liar, you were just sadly mistaken! 😉
 
I’m sorry this happened. I’d advise you to do one of two things:
  1. make a polite excuse and quit, or
  2. go full blown Harper Valley PTA on ‘em and quit.
Whichever you prefer.

Edited to add, I see you did quit already. Good. Life’s too short for drama.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
  • make a polite excuse and quit, or
  • go full blown Harper Valley PTA on ‘em and quit.
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😆 well I did the first but I might have to play that song on my phone as a soundtrack as I walk into the room if I ever get the courage to attend an event.
 
I’ve been in a situation where my participation in a ministry was placing me in amongst gossip, power struggles, squabbles & general pettiness. All traits that I did not want any involvement with.

I too had only accepted the position as I thought I was saying yes to Jesus.

When I was to the point where I felt that I needed to walk away I asked a priest who I trust and respect for advice as I wasnt sure if I was feeling guilty.

I’m unable to word it as well as he did but he basically said “we feel guilty if we are doing something wrong. You aren’t doing anything wrong. I think you feel disappointment & also a want to serve God. It’s not guilt. Serve God in other ways”.

I don’t see a problem is servicing elsewhere in other ways.
 
Me? I would have already told them that I am no longer part of the group. No need for that much drama in my life!

ETA. When someone pulled out that Amway pop-psychology “Choleric” stuff I’d have run for the hills.
 
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TheLittleLady said:
When someone pulled out that Amway pop-psychology “Choleric” stuff I’d have run for the hills.
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Oh my goodness yes! I finally read the particular book they did because I was tired of everyone throwing around vocabulary I didn’t understand. My gut reaction is that it’s anecdotal trash.
 
Followup question.

How much detail is morally acceptable to explain about why I stepped down when I am asked? It is the things that specific people said and did to me that did it. How do you decide who should know the story if they ask? I don’t want to be like the gossipy folks who ran me out, but I don’t want someone new to go in blind and fall victim.

ETA: obviously my relationship to the person would matter. Hunting down a stranger to warn them would be over the top.
 
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How important is it that anyone really know? I might tell my closest friend, and for everyone else, I would make a humorous version of the truth without revealing the whole thing. Meaning I wouldn’t name people specifically, just a vague reason of why it didn’t work out.

If not that, I would say I just want to devote more time to my online Catholic pursuits of which I have been shirking. 😉
 
Irishmom2 said:
I would make a humorous version of the truth without revealing the whole thing. Meaning I wouldn’t name people specifically, just a vague reason of why it didn’t work out.
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This feels like the right answer, thank you.
“Irishmom2 said:
If not that, I would say I just want to devote more time to my online Catholic pursuits of which I have been shirking. 😉
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Man that’s the truth! I was online so much but it was all related to the duties of that group. Now I’m so free to come back to my more life-giving haunts. As much as people complain about CAF, I do consider it one of those haunts.
 
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