How do you parents do it?

  • Thread starter Thread starter AServantofGod
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

AServantofGod

Guest
My children (9 & 7) work **continuosly **on certain behaviors. They are aware of what is expected, & we are consistent yet, behaviors continue. It seems as if we work on certain things every day all day.

I’ve met some families whose children aren’t climbing over the furniture, do consistently make their beds (super neat too), don’t get up during meals, turn off lights, close doors, don’t yell at their siblings, willingly share, don’t question when asked to do something, etc., etc., etc.

What is the key?
 
It always looks better from the outside looking in.

Everyone has their problems.

Kids usually behave better for other people then their own parents.
 
40.png
AServantofGod:
My children (9 & 7) work **continuosly **on certain behaviors. They are aware of what is expected, & we are consistent yet, behaviors continue. It seems as if we work on certain things every day all day.

I’ve met some families whose children aren’t climbing over the furniture, do consistently make their beds (super neat too), don’t get up during meals, turn off lights, close doors, don’t yell at their siblings, willingly share, don’t question when asked to do something, etc., etc., etc.

What is the key?
Click to expand...
LOL! It’s the nature of the beast. I’ve notice that somewhere between ages 7-10 they must be getting a boost of hormones. My usually compliant child has been on strike all week.

I highly recommend a book called “Kid Cooperation”. When I’m consistent it works like a charm. What kinds of discipline do you use?
 
Hey Servant,

What an awesome question. I struggle daily with this as a single parent. Magically, they do things around Grandma’s house and help her out all the time. So I know they’ve got it in them!

Once you find the key to this, PM me and fill me in! 🙂 Until then, keep a bottle of Tylenol and Tums handy.
 
Hi there!

You are not alone. My two older children a boy and a girl will be 7 and 8 in a few months and they are the same way. They are completely different when they are in school though. Their teachers have both said they are very well mannered and respect others and their property. They said they wish the other students were like them. I said are you sure we’re talking about the same kids? I have been told that we must be doing something right if they know they should behave in school. I think it’s because they are in a more relaxed envirnment at home, and they are more comfortable with themselves. We either send our kids to their rooms or make them write when they misbehave. We try to be real consistent too. It can be very upsetting at times. Dr. Ray has a book out called Discipline That Lasts A Lifetime, we are working on reading it now. Good luck to you! I will say a prayer.
 
40.png
AServantofGod:
My children (9 & 7) work **continuosly **on certain behaviors. They are aware of what is expected, & we are consistent yet, behaviors continue. It seems as if we work on certain things every day all day.

I’ve met some families whose children aren’t climbing over the furniture, do consistently make their beds (super neat too), don’t get up during meals, turn off lights, close doors, don’t yell at their siblings, willingly share, don’t question when asked to do something, etc., etc., etc.

What is the key?
Click to expand...
blister their butts…err… forget that last statement… speak clearly and in soft tones… negotiate with them… :rolleyes:
 
It isn’t possible from what you said to determine how bad things really are. Taken to an extreme, though, it sounds like ADHD or something related.

No, I am not promoting drugs (although they are appropriate in some circumstances), but you might want to talk with a child behaviorist/physician/specialist. It is amazing how many people with children who need help balk at getting that help…
 
Are these behaviors a problem at school as well as at home, how do they behave when they are away from you, like when they are at their grandparents? I know for a fact that my grandchildern behave much better at my house than they do at home. If one of them mis-behaves when they are with me it normally only takes a word, or look from my husband or myself and they straighten right up. I don’t pretend to understand this, and I freely admit that I was the same way when I was a kid, I always behaved much better away from my parents than I did at home. Of course I didn’t see it that way at the time, and as a parent it would drive me nuts trying to understand who everyone else where praising, they couldn’t have been the children I had just sent to their rooms for sassing me. Hang in there, be consistant and always carry thru on any discipline that decided on by you and your husband, and for heavens sake never, ever disagree about discipline in front of your children. If you do they will us it to divide and conquer from then on.

Linda H.
 
40.png
otm:
It isn’t possible from what you said to determine how bad things really are. Taken to an extreme, though, it sounds like ADHD or something related.
QUOTE]

Wow! You just opened my eyes. It’s really not as bad as it seems. I made it seem like we have wild monkeys in the house. After reading your post I looked at our situation again, and now I have to say it’s not all that bad. No, I wouldn’t say it’s ADHD.

They are fairly well behaved at other people’s houses. They’re not a behavior problem in other locations. For that matter I’d have to say they really aren’t a behavior problem; must be just normal kid stuff.

Thanks for helping me put it into perspective.

I’ll have to take some of the suggestions given here and try them out.
Click to expand...
 
40.png
bear06:
LOL! It’s the nature of the beast. I’ve notice that somewhere between ages 7-10 they must be getting a boost of hormones. My usually compliant child has been on strike all week.

I highly recommend a book called “Kid Cooperation”. When I’m consistent it works like a charm. What kinds of discipline do you use?
Click to expand...
Thanks for the book recomendation.

We used to use spankings; however, that didn’t seem effective. We use time outs, removal of priveledges, adding a chore, + whatever creative idea pops into my head at the moment.
 
Thanks Stac4Grace for the book suggestion. I’ll look into it,

Thanks everybody for your comments. If there are any more I’ll take them.
 
they sound pretty normal to me, if they were not doing these things I would worry they were turning into zombies. my grand-zomboids and zombettes are a lot more off the wall than yours. What is the thing with building these new houses that have an upstairs hallway or loft over the family room? Is it expressly designed so kids can jump off and land on the couch?
 
Kids are usually on better behavior for others, and you can’t expect them to be on “best behavior” all of the time, therefore…

If you read the confession threads, you’ll find we all struggle with the same things, over and over, in spite of our best intentions. Try to remember to catch them being good.

I like the book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.” It helps me cut down on the nagging and the blah, blah, blah habits that tempt the kids to just turn off the audio feed.
 
Your children and your anxiety sound normal to me. If I were to give one suggestion, it would be to say the rosary with them before bedtime. My children are now adults and I credit there faithfulness to our daily rosary. They each had there turn at leading a decade. Sometimes it was hectic but well worth the effort.
 
I just started this one today with my 5-1/2 year old boy who likes to use “poopie” and call other people names. He has to pay me a nickel to say that word… and a nickel when he calls someone a name. Cost him 30 cents already just this evening. Consistancy is VERY important. I also used to charge my daughters a quarter when they left their light on in their room and nobody is in there. I was tired of nagging them to turn it off. It worked. Now it just takes a gentle reminder. Also, tonight, when it was bedtime I got all kinds of arguing from them! SO I told them during prayers that I would charge them a quarter to argue with me. At their ages, they see value in money I guess.
 
40.png
AServantofGod:
Thanks for the book recomendation.

We used to use spankings; however, that didn’t seem effective. We use time outs, removal of priveledges, adding a chore, + whatever creative idea pops into my head at the moment.
Click to expand...
Different things work for different kids. Some comply with a glare, some comply with a spanking and some deprivation. You just have to figure out what works with what kid.
 
Have you heard Dr. Ray Guirendi? He’s on Catholic Radio. Anyway, I don’t agree with him on everything, I’m against spanking and am more of a “gentle discipline” gal but I do use some of his suggestions. Writing essays and/or sentences works wonders with my older kids. If they are mean to their siblings they must write, in full sentences, X number of nice things about that sibling. The threat of “black out” works well too. In our house, black out means no TV, Computer, Radio, nothing. My kids are far from angels but they’re pretty good, most of the time!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top