How do you resolve budgeting differences?

[tmacsrose]

HELP!!! My husband and I come from very different backgrounds as far as money is concerned. My family is extremely frugal and his, well, they are not spend thrifts, but they definitely have more money than my family ever had.
So, we have worked out a budget together which includes a small allowance each month for each of us to spend. He consistently spends more than his allowance each month. This past month I gave him his allowance in cash plus an extra ten dollars for things like having to stop at McDonalds if he is starving. Well, it all disappeared and now I have noticed additional amounts spent on the credit card. I don’t want to seem like I’m monitoring his every move… I don’t care what he spends his money on, but it does concern me that he is spending more than his allowance.
So we had somewhat of a fight this morning… He wants to go out and buy a rubix cube because he really wants to figure out how to solve it. Sure, it’s $10 -$15 extra this month. As I said, I don’t want to be unreasonable, but I would really like to go and buy new makeup and such stuff cause I’m feeling ugly due to where I am in pregnancy, but I am willing to wait until November until my next allowance arrives. Should I just suck it up and let him spend a lot more than his allowance this month?
Thanks for your help!!!

 

[capsaicin]

He is totally disrespecting you by not adhering to the agreements you made together. And his habits will make your future less secure.

He needs to act like a) a grownup and b) a man who loves and respects his wife enough to keep his word to her.

Lay it out to him in these terms and see how he reacts. He may not have thought of it this way before.

 

[kevinsgirl]

I would tell him that he can solve the rubix cube next month.

But, seriously, a budget is a good thing and you should stick to it within reason–however my DH and I will occasionally buy stuff not in the budget because we know we can afford it. I don’t know your expenses, but if you’d be a lot happier with some new makeup and it isn’t gonna hurt you financially–just mean you spent more than your allowance on yourself–then go for it.

Also, my DH and I don’t always agree as I’m usually the one more worried about finances (especially now that I’m pregnant and will be quitting my job in a couple months). So when DH finds something he really wants to purchase, rather than telling him “no” I’ll say something like–well, if we don’t go out to dinner at all this month, and no movies, we can afford x. It has worked wonders , but it took me a year of married life to figure it out.

 

[kage_ar]

First question - are things stretched thin where him spending money on a toy will hurt or is it just a matter of sticking to the budget.

Second - one can find a rubiks cube at the flea market or a yard sale - why pay full price?

Third, he can learn to solve for free here en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubiks_cube

 

[BamaRider]

Do y’all have joint or seperate checking accounts?

I didn’t do well in the joint system, because I felt like I had no control over what was goin on, so about 25 years we went th seperate account method, which has worked very well for us.

I dunno your husband sweetie, but I’d kinda not like havin to check in before goin to MickeyDs, and maybe he feels the same, but don’t know how to tell ya that.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

So, we have worked out a budget together which includes a small allowance each month for each of us to spend. He consistently spends more than his allowance each month.

This past month** I gave him his allowance in cash plus an extra ten dollars** for things like having to stop at McDonalds if he is starving.

Should I just suck it up and** let him** spend a lot more than his allowance this month?
Thanks for your help!!!

**I think it’s important to clarify what you mean when you say that you worked out a budget together…

who’s idea was it? Did he actively help or did he just “go along” with it? I know you probably included the extra $10 as a gesture of kindness but I am betting he sees it as controlling. And, if he is in the least bit immature, that will lead to rebellion (and NEEDING a rubix cube RIGHT NOW sounds a lot like a teenager to me, lol).
**

I dunno your husband sweetie, but I’d kinda not like havin to check in before goin to MickeyDs, and maybe he feels the same, but don’t know how to tell ya that.

This will all depend on whether he agrees with the budget or if he feels like he doesn’t have a choice. If he made an agreement it is his responsibility to stick to it or discuss it and figure out what might work better…not just ignore the agreement because he doesn’t want to be restricted in any way.

 

[Nanny_PK]

One thing that might help is not calling it an allowance. Call it each person’s blow money – to spend on whatever you want. By calling it an allowance, he might feel like he’s being mothered.

You could also work on how you decide how much each person gets for blow money. I don’t remember the exact wording; but you said something to the effect of “I gave him $10 more.” Well, if y’all agreed on an amount, why are you giving him extra? Maybe you can reevaluate your budget numbers. Maybe the numbers you’re putting in are not realistic based on your income – could be too much or too little depending on goals.

Dave Ramsey says it takes about three months to get the whole monthly budget thing down so maybe it just requires a little more patience. For myself, it took about four months and I’m single

 

[tmacsrose]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I definitely hope that he doesn’t feel controlled because I am trying very hard not to do that. We did work on the budget together and he decided the amount of our allowance because that is how much he spends on supplements (he’s a body builder) each month. We have been trying to get further away from using the credit card, not because we are in debt, but because we have found we tend to spend more than we need to if we are using it.
I do think that perhaps some of it for him is being used to just spending money whenever he wants to. I mean, honestly we had to make major adjustments to our monthly budget on food, savings, etc. just to accomodate the allowance. I guess, honestly, that I sometimes resent how freely he can spend money. When we got married, he said that he was going to pay the bills and handle the finances. Well, he doesn’t. So I am always so aware of how much money we have and what our goals are while he doesn’t pay that much attention to it! I hate feeling guilty over buying ice cream (to satisfy that pregnancy craving) while he can buy something much more expensive without seeming to worry about it!
I don’t want this to be a big issue and I don’t want to nag him about it. I just want to make sure that we are living within our means, staying out of debt, and saving so that we will be able to afford having our child and buying a house this year.

 

[whatevergirl]

He is totally disrespecting you by not adhering to the agreements you made together. And his habits will make your future less secure.

He needs to act like a) a grownup and b) a man who loves and respects his wife enough to keep his word to her.

Lay it out to him in these terms and see how he reacts. He may not have thought of it this way before.

Be careful to make that leap of judgement that he doesn’t love or respect her. I have spending ‘issues,’ and it has nothing to do with not respecting my husband. It has more to do with how I grew up with money, and no one ever telling me no. Now, I have to tell myself no…and it is hard.

It’s hard, for many to budget. I have gotten better, but pray about this all of the time. To the OP–I would seek a financial planner, so your husband can see objectively from someone else, how his spending is hurting your family budget, and could cause a strain between the two of you. It helped my husband and me.

Good luck, and God bless!

 

[leonie]

My dh probably would have the same complaints about me. My little spending sprees aren’t very much, but it throws the budget off. I know it’s hard when you are on a really tight budget.

Your dh wants to have a few daily luxuries–I’d just try to accommodate that.

But, since I’m the spender and my dh is the saver, maybe I’m not in such a good place to dispense advice on budget breakers.

 

[puzzleannie]

how do we resolve them? separate incomes, separate credit cards and separate checking accounts. Whether that would work for you, I can’t say.

 

[KathyA]

You mentioned that you want to begin budgeting for the baby and to buy a house. These are wonderful goals and it’s great that you are getting a head start. I presume these are your husband’s goals too and that is why is has agreed to set amounts of “blow money”.

I would just express to him that you hate feeling like you are monitoring him as much as he feels monitored. Remind him of your goals and tell him that learning to postpone gratification (buying the toy next month instead of right now) will help when you are bringing up the little one and trying to set a good example. We Americans have far too much stuff! Try to come up with an example of how you intend to make yourself wait too (as you did with the make-up).

Adjust the “blow money” category if you must, but get rid of the credit cards!! Make a pack with your husband to not use them. PERIOD. Lots of people can and do use credit cards wisely, but it is sooooo easy to get out of control, especially with a new baby and eventually a new house.

I wish that my husband and I would have been more disciplined throughout our marriage. It makes me sick to think of the money that has passed through our hands…with nothing really significant to show for it. Thankfully, after 20 years, we finally started working together on a budget, but it was hard at first. Stick with it! Good luck!

Kathy