How do you respond to a loved one telling you to just to get over childhood trauma?

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bclustr9

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What is the best way to respond to this sort of insensitivity?
 
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This is a big question with many variables.

First, I would be in counseling for childhood trauma and I would work with my counselor on how to answer depending on my relationship with the person.
 
The starting point, I think, is that, like it or not, we do have to get over our childhood traumas, in one way or another. The question is whether, in your particular case, your “loved one” is making it more difficult for you to get over your trauma, instead of easier.
 
More difficult, because they want to have a one-sided relationship with me (on their terms only) and me never bring up the past.
 
The way you’re describing it, that sounds like it’s not a good relationship for you to be in, trauma or no trauma. But you can’t expect to get counseling from a bunch of anonymous posters on a comments thread. I suggest you seek professional advice.
 
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I know, but it’s family. Is it un-Christlike to avoid them? What about self-denial?
 
I’m not seeking counseling from this forum, I’m asking my question in relation to how the Church would instruct us to handle this type of thing.
 
It would be wrong for me, or for other posters here, to attempt to give you that kind of advice in a comments thread. We could easily end up, despite our best intentions, making things worse for you than they already are.
 
bclustr9 said:
I’m asking my question in relation to how the Church would instruct us to handle this type of thing.
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That’s a question only a priest can answer, face to face, when you’ve given him full details.
 
We don’t deny ourselves just for the sake of it. Self-denial should always be for the greater good, for the good of someone else or to help ourselves grow as people. If someone’s not going to change no matter what you do for them and the relationship is only a net negative on your life, then you should cut ties for your own sake. Heck, maybe the other person might even start to realize they are wrong after you cut ties with them.
 
bclustr9 said:
What is the best way to respond to this sort of insensitivity?
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It seems like words spoken by somebody with zero experiential knowledge. Just tell them wounds heal with time and patience and try not to get too hung up on them understanding or not understanding.
 
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bclustr9 said:
I know, but it’s family. Is it un-Christlike to avoid them? What about self-denial?
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It might help to think about Jesus, yes?

WWJD?

The sins of our fathers… all the way back to Adam and Eve… are familiar to us all…

Yet a prophet is never believed in his own town…

In a sense, the life of Jesus represents the plight of an individual confronting (and confronted by) society in general… and, in John, we learn Christ came to what was his own, and they rejected him…

The crucifying outcome is a terrible witness to the cruelty of man’s inhumanity to man…

But it speaks endlessly to the reality of God’s love and mercy… so try to forgive and make peace with a firm purpose of amendment, if not for them, then just for your own peace of mind…

Let your light shine before man… Trusting in God’s mercy…

It sometimes helps (me anyway) to give thanks for and acknowledge that mankind’s salvation and redemption comes through those of us who have been persecuted and marginalized - even in the worst of ways…

I don’t know how you were offended, or what the situation is, but I think that’s about the best I can say based upon what the scriptures tell us in their own very general way…
 
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Smile and say “thank you, I never thought of that!”

It will probably go right past them, though. Those who make insensitive remarks generally fail to recognize their folly.
 
bclustr9 said:
More difficult, because they want to have a one-sided relationship with me (on their terms only) and me never bring up the past.
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Why is the person telling you to get over it? Are they the person who abused you and think they did nothing wrong? Then I would limit my time with them. Or… were they abused in the same way and want to stay in denial? If that is the case and they are not ready to face it, they don’t need you reminding them of it.

As others have mentioned, we can’g really give advice here especially without knowing the whole story. However, I do think it would be wise to accept they are not going to have compassion for you and pray Jesus leads you to people who will
 
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