How do you screw up the courage to keep trying to return to the faith?

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vatoco6

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I keep being told “Just go to another church”. My best friend is Mormon. Even though I believe little of what they believe, they sure seem to be a nicer lot than the Cathlolics. And I was raised Catholic!

Are there any church-sanctioned support groups for people who have been hurt by the faith? I can’t even get the folks with “Welcome Home”, which is supposedly a support group for returning Catholics, to return my phone calls.

I have served the Church in a volunteer capacity for the last six years. I even helped start a local emergency assistance program for stranded travelers here (I live in a rural area). So why doesn’t the Church WANT me?
 
First of all, we Catholics do not really do hospitality well. It’s just not what our services are about. I think we could do a better job of making people feel welcome without diminishing the reverence of the Mass.

I am not familiar with the program “Welcome Home”. Is it possible the number you are calling is someone’s home and they are away?

Why do you say that your church does not want you? What are expecting? And are you talking about your parish or the RCC in general?

I hope you find what you are looking for.
 
Hi,

Something that is offered in my parish is a coffee hour after Mass. We have several Sunday Masses and there is a coffee and donut hour after each of them. Perhaps you could start one of these at your parish, and that would be a nice way to meet your other parishioners. Good luck and God bless!
 
I think it’s important to separate The Church from its members.

We go to church not to be welcomed, not to be appreciated, not to be served; we go to church to worship Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We do not go to RECEIVE, we go to GIVE. We go to Mass to offer our sacrifices and sufferings and gifts to Our Lord. Then we are blessed to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist – Truly Present, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity.

If we go with the attitude of “What can I offer to my Lord today,” instead of “What am I going to get out of this?”, things will change drastically for you.

How do I know??

I used to be one of the “I’m not getting anything out of this” people! Thank God He sent me some afflictions in order that I would learn dependance upon Him and to offer all of my day to Him, every day.

Now, because I go to Mass to give, I also end up receiving!

I have volunteered more of my time, without expecting anything in return, but receive graces and blessings I never would have imagined.

I am learning to appreciate the beauty of the Mass and all its biblical and historical roots. I receive the Grace and Mercy of Our Lord at each and every Mass.

When we learn to go to God with all our hearts, for no other reason that to worship Him and receive Him in Holy Communion, we will find that acceptance, love, forgiveness, and welcome feeling that we can find no other place.
 
Funny…I’ve been on a local Catholic Charities Board for the last six years. I helped to start a service through my former parish for stranded travelers. I ran a SHARE food distribution host site. I even offered to start a Parish Nursing program!

I was beaten (yes…left bruises, even) and humiliated by nuns as a kid (but thought it must be okay, because so was everyone else at my school), was refused marriage by an openly gay priest because my husband (who is not Catholic) wanted to read what he was signing regarding raising our children Catholic, am now being refused confession and Communion because my husband (of almost 21 years now) has refused to get his first, brief teenage marriage annulled, and was asked to have no contact with my last pastor (which makes it really easy to attend Mass) because of issues that are entirely his own, by his own admission.

“Just go to another parish”, you might say. Well, the priest who runs one parish near me is so burnt out on his vocation that he doesn’t return phone calls, sometimes doesn’t even show up to do Last Rites. (I’m a nurse. I KNOW.) And the other local priest, when I went to offer him Catholic Charities services, said, “I don’t “do” Hispanics.” (Part of our services involve ESL classes and immigration counseling.)

“Welcome Home” is supposed to be a program run through parishes for returning Catholics. The guy with whom I left the phone message is the Archdiocesan head of the Office of Catechesis and Evangelization. Did even he return my call? NO.

Is it any wonder that people are turning to organizations like SNAP? Is it any wonder that people are angry?

I just feel lost. If anyone has a suggestion other than, “YOU try harder”, I’d be glad to hear it. So far, all I’ve heard is “See ya, then. You don’t like it? Leave. You won’t be missed.”
 
It seems to me that you either have really awful luck, or Satan is trying to keep you out of church forever, or God is testing your faith. Or maybe it’s something else (other thoughts are always welcome, of course). My advice to you is to not give up. My own sister was denied help from the Church, and she is homeless, battered, unmarried, unemployed, diagnosed with cancer, and the mother of five children! Especially considering her passionate loyalty to Christ and to the Catholic Church, this was very disconcerting to me.

So what do you do when something like this happens? The number one thing to do is PRAY. Pray for the strength to make it through these tough times and still see the “light at the end of the tunnel”–the Lord. Pray for those who you feel have wronged you, and for all the other sheep who are being led astray. I think these message boards are also helpful, though for different reasons. They are great therapy for the disillusioned and confused. And looking into another church might be a thought too, if there are any others close by. I promise you that there are compassionate priests and open arms for you somewhere.

Of course, the people who have been telling you that attending Mass is not all about getting warm fuzzies from your fellow parishioners are also correct. I’m not in love with my parish from that standpoint, but that really is not the core of what church should be about. It’s nice when you do go to a receptive church, and it usually strengthens one’s faith to be in close community with other members of the Body of Christ, but it is not an absolute necessity.

From what you have said, I don’t believe you’ve done anything wrong. It just sounds like you’ve had some unfortunate circumstances in your life regarding the Church. I’ve met my share of racist, sexist, ill-tempered priests, nuns, and parishioners…but I’ve also met many more who are not. The same goes for every denomination. Even Mormons have problems.
 
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vatoco6:
I keep being told “Just go to another church”. My best friend is Mormon. Even though I believe little of what they believe, they sure seem to be a nicer lot than the Cathlolics. And I was raised Catholic!

Are there any church-sanctioned support groups for people who have been hurt by the faith? I can’t even get the folks with “Welcome Home”, which is supposedly a support group for returning Catholics, to return my phone calls.

I have served the Church in a volunteer capacity for the last six years. I even helped start a local emergency assistance program for stranded travelers here (I live in a rural area). So why doesn’t the Church WANT me?
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Landings is a program for lapsed/former Catholics that might be helpful to you. It’s run by the Paulists. Here’s the website:
landings-international.org/welcome.ssi

You could see if there are any local groups. It was the Paulists who brought me back to the Church.
 
I’m Mormon but I’m not gonna try and convert you,lol. Maybe its the Mormons where you live because I’ve seen some nasty ones before.
Go for what you believe though, we are all Children of God we have freewill and you should choose what church you go to… even if its not LDS or Catholic. As long as you love God I’m sure he’ll understand… Isn’t thats what being Mormon or Catholic is really about?
 
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vatoco6:
Funny…I’ve been on a local Catholic Charities Board for the last six years. I helped to start a service through my former parish for stranded travelers. I ran a SHARE food distribution host site. I even offered to start a Parish Nursing program!

I was beaten (yes…left bruises, even) and humiliated by nuns as a kid (but thought it must be okay, because so was everyone else at my school), was refused marriage by an openly gay priest because my husband (who is not Catholic) wanted to read what he was signing regarding raising our children Catholic, am now being refused confession and Communion because my husband (of almost 21 years now) has refused to get his first, brief teenage marriage annulled, and was asked to have no contact with my last pastor (which makes it really easy to attend Mass) because of issues that are entirely his own, by his own admission.

“Just go to another parish”, you might say. Well, the priest who runs one parish near me is so burnt out on his vocation that he doesn’t return phone calls, sometimes doesn’t even show up to do Last Rites. (I’m a nurse. I KNOW.) And the other local priest, when I went to offer him Catholic Charities services, said, “I don’t “do” Hispanics.” (Part of our services involve ESL classes and immigration counseling.)

“Welcome Home” is supposed to be a program run through parishes for returning Catholics. The guy with whom I left the phone message is the Archdiocesan head of the Office of Catechesis and Evangelization. Did even he return my call? NO.

Is it any wonder that people are turning to organizations like SNAP? Is it any wonder that people are angry?

I just feel lost. If anyone has a suggestion other than, “YOU try harder”, I’d be glad to hear it. So far, all I’ve heard is “See ya, then. You don’t like it? Leave. You won’t be missed.”
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Vatoco6,
**Thank you so much for opening yourself up to us on here. You have been going through some really difficult struggles. It is really sad when Catholics are not there for other Catholics. Under such circumstances as yours it must be really hard to discern where to turn, and if there is even anyone near to turn to. I think the posts who suggested praying are on the right track. If I were in your situation I would undoubtedly be as frustrated and as saddened as you are, and the only thing that ever helps me when I am that way is to pray. Saying the Holy Rosary really, really helps me. When human beings are unhelpful or uncharitable toward me only prayer directs me properly. Perhaps this is how Our Lord is calling you closer to Him, as people are often so undependable, even priests and officials of the Church. Please remember you are not alone in all of this: Our Lord is with you and we are with you in spirit, too. You will get through this, He will guide you through this. Please stay with us! You would truly be very, very missed if you were to leave us, really. Believe! God bless, and I will also keep you in my prayers. Take heart, friend. **
Geraldine
 
the church is not a club, where you get to be with like-minded people you enjoy being with, it is a family, where you have to accept everybody no matter how outrageous they are, whether you were born into the family or “married” into it.

every time I feel like deprecating priests and sisters who left their vocations, I wonder what damage they would have inflicted if they stayed in the Church and projected their problems onto people like those who have told their stories here.

The Church is the Mystical body of Christ on earth, we are members of the same Body, scarred, whipped, and broken but ultimately resurrected and glorified.

Maybe it would help to remember that those who are sinning through their neglect of priestly duties, offenses against hospitality and charity, abuse, etc. are themselves separated from the Body of Christ, out of communion with us as long as they persist in their sin, and therefore are not acting for, with and through the Church, but on their own.

Offenses like those described, since they afflict the Body of Christ, can be compared to sacrilege against the Eucharist itself.
 
When I was younger I really considered leaving the faith. There was a nun who serioulsy hated me, but seemed to love all the other kids. When singing in the quior if I ever actually sang she would threaten me with public embarrassment on how bad I was.
One priest there was more into the three stooges than cathesis during his confirmation classes.
When I my family moved to a different parish the priest there dosn’t like me either. He has invited my mom to lector, but even though people my age lector he won’t let me.

Last year I found my home at a different church. There are five wonderful nuns and three wonderful priests there.
 
How large is your parish community?
If your parish has 3 or 4 Masses on a Sunday, there is a less chance of meeting the same people at the same Mass.

I attend a much smaller parish. Sure most of the parishners know me and I know them, BUT the praise and sacrafice to Jesus Christ is paramount in the Whole Sunday experience. (I just read yesterday that there are actually prayers to be said after Mass! and most people run off to continue their day!).

Fellowship is important because that is where we show the Christ within us, BUT without Christ as the reason to GO to Mass, then why go?
 
We go to Church to serve and not be served…no matter if you NEVER meet another “nice” Catholic again, and ALWAYS come across great friendly Mormons…as long as you believe that Jesus is in that Eucharist… everything else is MOOT…
 
I have served the Church in a volunteer capacity for the last six years. I even helped start a local emergency assistance program for stranded travelers here (I live in a rural area). So why doesn’t the Church WANT me?

I agree that spiritual warfare is probably happening. The Church is not the same as the Parish and you need to keep that in perspective. You may have problems with the parish, but the Church is not rejecting you. We are the Mystical Body of Christ and that is very different.

Here are some ideas:

1 Get Father Hardon’s Catholic Prayer book and read the part about assisting at Mass. Wow! what it did for me is remarkable.

2 Learn that even though some bad things happened ( I have met what I consider demons at the grocery store --I consider it my mission field ) that Jesus, the Christ is still fully present in the Eucharist. Pray to Him in the Tabernacle whenever possible – He doesn’t have to be exposed to hear you. His bountiful grace is not stopped by the Tabernacle.

3 Ask yourself what you may have done to miscommunicate with people. Yelling at them because they didn’t answer you call is not going to get them to work with you. I can make such mistakes, too. We are all human and sometimes we don’t express our selves well – like when we are upset or stressed.

4 Pray to the Holy Sprit and St. Michael the Archangel. Both of these powerful allies can protect and lead you well. They are with me at the grocery store now and I have stopped getting the weirdos and evil ones from tormenting me. Honestly, I didn’t realize it until recently. I didn’t stop shopping at that store, either.

5 Pray the Rosary daily. Mother Mary will hear your petitions and help you. Although she can be very gentle and you may notice the help for months.

AMDG,
Mamamull
 
What about going to your bishop and talking to him? Make an appointment and lay everything out on the table (in a nice, calm, concise manner) and just talk it ALL out with him. He, more than anyone else has access to all the agencies in his parish and can advise you on your Mass situation. You may not be able to receive Holy Communion but you still NEED to attend Mass for strength.

I’m with you - you need to find a Catholic who cares! My parish turned me away, too, when I wanted to marry a non-catholic but - he’d been married before to a Catholic.

That’s the only other suggestion I have other than find other Catholics that you can talk to or keep going to other parishes until you find the help you need. BE PERSISTENT! (I know, you have been persistent, well, keep going!) Remember the woman, in the Bible, who kept pestering the judge? She finally got from him what she was after. That’s a lesson in persistence! Never give up. There’s a lesson mixed up in your situation somewhere, there always is!

Have faith and keep praying. You will be in our prayers.
 
you don’t have to stay in a parish that has stopped behaving like a Christian community. as far as past hurts, try to find healing through forgiveness–beginning the process, at least asking for the grace to someday be able to think about forgiving. NOT condoning, not excusing, not blaming the victim, but forgiveness–letting go of their power to continue hurting you. Ask Jesus for this during the consecration and reception of the Eucharist. Did you know there is an army of Catholics out here who pray and offer up sacrifices, asking Christ to unite their offerings with His to atone for the hurt that has been inflicted on you?
 
Wow, you have really been through a lot! Sounds like Our Lord is working in your life to make you a saint!

I agree that you may be under spiritual attack. God may also be calling you to facilitate some change in your parish and your area as it sounds like it is in need of some help.

Read Romans Chapter 8 – it has some wonderful wisdom about hope in the midst of persecution, and that all things work for good through God.

Remember, most of all, that Our Heavenly Father loves you. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, all things are happening for a reason. Maybe He is purifying you here on earth so you don’t have to undergo much purification when you leave this world.

To leave the Church means leaving Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. He wants to be close to you. Trust in Him.
 
i’m very sad that your experience has been so entirely negative with the church. it reminds me to pray for the church, especially in your area (what state are you in?) that God might bring healing and restoration to your community.

my advice, if i have any, is to go to Him with all of it, and ask Him to show you how to find His direction and will in His church. sometimes it’s painful and difficult, but it sounds like you’re serious about serving Him and doing His will. just keep after it, and trust Him to bring you to Himself, even in spite of the local version of His church in which you find yourself.

my prayers are with you.
 
Thank you all for caring about me.

I just feel like the priests I’ve run into are allowed to act with impunity, with no fear of culpability. My ex-pastor asked me to have no contact with him. The parishes he runs are small, and he does the “stand by the door, meet and greet” thing with everyone. There are other exits, I suppose…but why would I want to sit in a pew and listen to him preach on faith and love and trust after he’s treated me like human garbage?

The pastor of one nearby parish NEVER returns phone calls. Either you catch him in the office, or you (usually) don’t. He’s so burnt out on his vocation. And the other parish nearby has a pastor who told me he “doesn’t do Hispanics”. I’m Irish, but sheesh! Where is Christ’s love there?

I guess for now, I’m kind of stuck doing reading at home and getting fellowship from the internet. I pray, but I have to wonder if God hears me. Or maybe there are people that God doesn’t want to be bothered with.

I’ve volunteered for “Project Rachel” here as well. I may try to call the diocesan office of Catechesis and Evangelization agaiin, even though they never returned my call, just to see if SOMETHING’s out there for me.
 
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vatoco6:
I pray, but I have to wonder if God hears me. Or maybe there are people that God doesn’t want to be bothered with.
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Please know, above all, that God loves you. He loves you just as you are and He mourns with you in the way you have been treated, cries for His servants who are “burned out” and who have forgotten how to truly serve. He knows your heart, knows your sincerity, knows your longing for Him and for a place where you can feel His presence.
  • “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abudantly in comfort, too.” * 2 Corinthians 1:5
*“For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” * Romans 8:38

Your continued willingness to serve and to look for new places of ministry is wonderful! There are many who would have given up a long time ago, so God’s grace is working in you!

If you have a church nearby that has Eucharistic Adoration – run to Jesus! Pour out your heart to Him! Even if there isn’t adoration, if one of the churches is open during the day and you can pray before the Tabernacle, try to do that. He is Truly Present there, and His grace will flow over you and help you through this difficult time. *“Let us then with confidence draw near to the the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” * Hebrews 4:16

Here is my prayer for you, from the letter of St. Paul to the Ephesians 3:14-19 –

*“For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with might through his Spirit in the inner man, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” *
 
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