How do you turn down a guy in a Christlike manner?

[sfcatholicwoman]

I am a returning Catholic for two years now and have a question with regards to meeting men. I attended a singles Mass/social event for Catholics in my area and a man approached me that I was not physically attracted to. The first time at one event, he approached me and I made small talk with him and cut the conversation while excusing myself as it was time for me to leave the event. Months later he approached me again at another event, not remembering we had met a couple of months back. He introduced himself to me again and I didn’t want to embarrass him by admitting we met months ago and he forgot, so I made small talk back. He made the conversation short and bluntly asked for my phone number so we could continue to talk. I awkwardly told him that I wasn’t too big on giving my phone number out but enthusiatically gave him my email.

Problem is that I really didn’t want to give him my email but I was trying to take the focus off not wanting to give my phone number to him. It’s hard for me to just say, “Thanks but no thanks, I’m not interested” to a man, especially at a singles Catholic event. Now he emailed me asking me how I was doing and asked if we could chat by phone and gave me his phone number. I responded that I was doing good and wished him well too and that things were really hectic and that I’m busy (which is not a lie) and that maybe I would see him at the next singles event. I thought maybe this would be an indirect way of him seeing that I’m not interested. I recieved an email back from him, asking how I was doing again and him asking if he could invite me out for coffee.

I don’t want to be rude but I really thought my first email would have shown that I am not interested. How do I respond to the second email? A lot of my friends are saying just delete it or ignore it and I kind of want to do that but feel it might be rude and don’t want to feel awkward when I see him at the next singles event!

Please help!

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Perhaps it might help if you redefine for yourself these events from places where you can meet men to whom you are physically attracted to places where you can enlarge your circle of friends. The first definition tempts you to see a Catholic singles group as a place to angle for romantic relationships. The second definition allows you to see such groups as places where you can meet new people, and perhaps, if God wills it, make a friend who may eventually become your husband.

An advantage to this redefinition is that it allows you far greater latitude in how you deal with men whom you don’t wish to encourage romantically. For example, with the guy you’re now trying to discourage, instead of trying to find a polite way to say, “I’m just not that into you,” you could instead encourage platonic friendship. You might turn down the invitation to a one-on-one coffee by writing, “I’m sorry, but my schedule is such that I can’t commit to that right now,” but following it with an invitation to the next group get-together you and friends might have planned (e.g., a movie, group potluck dinner, etc.) and encourage him to bring along another friend (which gets across the idea that you’re asking him to attend as a friend, not a potential date).

The nice thing about including this guy within your circle of friends is that you may have the opportunity to meet his friends too… And who knows if one of his friends might just be the man God has planned for you?

Recommended reading:

Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World by T. G. Morrow