How does a new Catholic avoid gossip when just starting to make friends with Catholics?

[TrueLight]

How do you avoid gossip, when you are making friends, would like to know what is really going on at a parish and do not want to come across as holier than thou?

I have been thinking about withdrawing a little because get-togethers tend to devolve into gossip. And honestly, if folks are gossiping about other people, they are probably gossiping about you when you’re not there.

Not to say, I don’t enjoy some gossip, which is why this sometimes comes up in the confessional.

Is it a good idea to create some distance to avoid gossip? How does a new Catholic do this when just making friends/building relationships with Catholics?

Edited: I meant to put this in spirituality I think.

 

[Bowljr300]

I too have had this same thought and mentioned it in confession. What I have found works for me is to give absolutely no reaction when someone mentions something that could be construed as gossip and to change the subject as quickly as possible.

If the person you are speaking with asks why you’ve changed the subject, you should be completely honest and say that such conversations make you uncomfortable; they bother your conscience.

I don’t find that people engage so much in gossip as they do in detraction. Gossip is engaging in harmful speculation about a person, while detraction is telling the truth about someone to a person who had no reason to know.

 

[MidnightSun12]

What I try to do when I hear gossip (ie. negative talk about somebody who is not present) is to immediately say something nice or redeeming about the person in question. I find that, a lot of the time, the people who were gossiping will even agree with your statement and that completely changes the nature of the conversation (it also stops other people from potentially committing mortal sin which I think is better then just remaining quiet ).

 

[hannajomar]

I agree with MidnightSun in that a compliment about the victim of the gossiping goes a long way in changing the tone of the conversation. Often, the person will backtrack ("Oh, I’m not saying she’s a bad person. I really like her a lot…) because they feel uncomfortable. Once in a while they might say something like, “Are you her defender now?” to which I respond. “I don’t have a problem with her.” Or, they might just awkwardly drop the subject. Very soon, people will realize you don’t like gossiping, and they won’t bother you with it. You might end up with a few less friends, but the friends you have will be true. It’s an art which we need to practice, but it does become easier.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It depends on the setting. Some people gossip constantly, that’s all they know how to do. I would get away from them ASAP. It can be very damaging to be part of such a group. Sometimes people who have known one another a long time don’t even recognize what they are doing as gossip! They will just tell you everything about so and so’s life, when that person isn’t there. And then critique their actions, just being helpful!

I never try to stop gossip now. I tried that once, and I got lumped in with the gossipers when the stuff hit the fan. A teacher quit because of it, and I was very sorry that I had seemed like I agreed with the little gossip group. So now, I just get out of there ASAP.

Whatever group is gossiping, spend less time with. I hope it’s not your whole parish. There are those.

 

[Baelor]

I like the compliment idea. You could also just change the topic ASAP. Or say something like, “Oh, before I forget, I wanted to walk about…”