How does a wife "respect her husband"?

  • Thread starter Thread starter The_Rigbys
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

The_Rigbys

Guest
As a wife, I’m very interested in both the theoretical and practical aspects of this teaching. What have you learned about it, from Scripture, Tradition, lives of the saints, personal experience, etc.?

(This came up in the “Putting Your Marital Relationship First,” and I thought it deserved a thread of its own. 🙂 )
 
This is something that I think my wife does a great job of in our relationship… let me tell you specifically what she does that makes me feel respected, appreciated, and honored!
  • She is ALWAYS supportive of me when we are around other people, if we dont agree about something, she will still support me and then kick my butt about it later. I in turn try to do the same for her.
  • She never put me down or insults me even jokingly in front of other people.
  • She thanks me for mowing the lawn.
  • She constantly tells the kids that they have a good dad or that she loves their daddy.
  • She disagrees with me, gives me her opinion, manipulates, argues, bites, screams, kicks, pouts, blackmails etc…(LOL) but in the end, she will respect my decision about something for our family and support it even if she doesnt agree with it. (We have verly seldomly had a probelm we dont work out some type of a compromise or agreement on, so this is almost a non-issue)
  • She makes me feel important
  • She makes me feel smart
  • She defends me and builds me up to others.
  • She waits up for me if I work late
  • She doesnt say “I told you so…”
That is just a small list, and some are just small things, but I have no doubt that my wife loves me… btw she does not really bite, kick and scream…LOL But she is good at manipulation 😉 Anyway, the point is that she lives her life in devotion to me and our family, and expects the same of me back.

Brandon
 
So many ways…first of all she prays with and for me daily, not just occasionally. Secondly, no matter how busy she is, she agrees to a weekly date. Thirdly, our kids know that our relationship is the glue that keeps this family together, and she keeps that primary…and she taught our sons that as well, and continues to teach them that as our sons bring girls home to meet the family.
 
All of us, husbands and wives included, are called to respect one another as persons. It seems like most of the examples above refer to this. Wives are also called to something more, though: to respect and submit to their husbands’ authority (cf. Ephesians 5). The word “respect,” in this context, is also translated as “reverence,” “fear,” and “awe.” St. Paul compares it to our obedience to the Lord.

Brandon, I know you were partly kidding about the steps you and your wife go through in order to come to an agreement. 😉 But it raises some interesting questions. Is the husband’s authority only meant to be a court of last resort? Or does “respect” mean that his wife will normally submit, immediately and cheerfully, to his lead?

In “Casti Connubii,” Pius XI refers to “the ready subjection of the wife and her willing obedience.” Personally, I don’t think “ready subjection” and “willing obedience” allow for lengthy arguing, pouting, sulking, etc. (Which is not to say that I’ve never been guilty of such behavior. :o )

On the other hand, he notes that the wife isn’t required to “obey her husband’s every request if not in harmony with right reason or with the dignity due to wife.” It’s not clear whether this applies only to sinful matters, or to other issues as well. Any ideas?

Respectfully,
Mrs. R
 
I would say that the husbands authority, in my opinion, is a court of last resort after all other options of compromise or a mutually agreed on resolution has been exhausted. I do not htink that means that one needs to argue, sulk, or pout etc. to get there. It can be done in a very christian loving way, even when there is disagreement.

I would hope and pray that most husbands and wives are close enough in their goals and lifestyles that these type of disagreements do not happen often… what do you think?

Brandon
 
For me, respecting and obeying my husband is very easy. That is largely b/c I know he is respecting and obeying God, and I trust He won’t steer my husband wrong! 🙂 He is the final decision maker, he does listen to my (name removed by moderator)ut, he prays about it, then makes a decision from there. I am truely and surely what any femenist would call a ‘doormat’! 🙂
 
My wife shows me respect by cleaning. I know this sounds bizarre, but she is not one that likes house work and I do quite a bit of the work. She read a book on the languages of love and decided since I liked acts of service. Sometimes when I least expect it I will come home to a well-cleaned house. The fact that it takes an effort on her part shows me her love in terms I understand. It is the same for me as getting flowers is to some of you women.

Of course a nice dinner is also great to come home to.
 
Interesting question!

I too have a hard time with the concept of submission. Fortunately, I am married to a person who would never abuse that God-given right so it has never been an issue even one time. We mostly agree on our bigger decisions, and the rest we compromise on quite easily. Although I have been known to bite and scratch in order to effect that compromise in a quicker fashion. 😉

I agree that respect for your spouse is the same as respect for any person. That is basically how I treat him. In other words, I make sure that I am building him up instead of tearing him down. This takes a lot of effort on my part, at times, because he has been known to do some really stupid things, but it is a way in which I needed to improve big time. (speaking from the early days of our marriage)

I also do all of the things on Brandon’s list and one thing I am currently teaching my kids is to keep Dad in our daily prayers and say thanks to God that we have him to go to work every day and provide for us. I want them to understand what a sacrifice he makes and how proud I am of him for doing it, as well as grateful.

Carrie
 
A good deal of the above, plus being aware & grateful for all he does. He used to say that one of his goals as a husband was to help me meet my goals. He’s done that so well that now I thank him for helping me meet my goals!

I only hope that I’ve done as well helping him meet his goals.
 
40.png
SDA2RC:
This is something that I think my wife does a great job of in our relationship… let me tell you specifically what she does that makes me feel respected, appreciated, and honored!
  • She is ALWAYS supportive of me when we are around other people, if we dont agree about something, she will still support me and then kick my butt about it later. I in turn try to do the same for her.
  • She never put me down or insults me even jokingly in front of other people.
  • She thanks me for mowing the lawn.
  • She constantly tells the kids that they have a good dad or that she loves their daddy.
  • She disagrees with me, gives me her opinion, manipulates, argues, bites, screams, kicks, pouts, blackmails etc…(LOL) but in the end, she will respect my decision about something for our family and support it even if she doesnt agree with it. (We have verly seldomly had a probelm we dont work out some type of a compromise or agreement on, so this is almost a non-issue)
  • She makes me feel important
  • She makes me feel smart
  • She defends me and builds me up to others.
  • She waits up for me if I work late
  • She doesnt say “I told you so…”
That is just a small list, and some are just small things, but I have no doubt that my wife loves me… btw she does not really bite, kick and scream…LOL But she is good at manipulation 😉 Anyway, the point is that she lives her life in devotion to me and our family, and expects the same of me back.

Brandon
Click to expand...
Smart lady! That’s about all it takes. Can I add a few:
  • Never make him the butt of your jokes.
  • Treat him as the one God sent for you because he is.
  • Edify him to the children, your friends, his parents, your parents.
  • Recognize him as the head of the family and don’t try to usurp his leadership.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top