How does NFP work?

[MonteCristo]

Hi

   First of all, I am not married but have a few questions so I know for the future. A while ago I read something along the lines of NFP only being used in "grave situations," yet the only time I have read questions about NFP it is from people people using it to simply space out children. 

    Please forgive me if any of what I said is incorrect, but to me it seems that NFP is used simply because the parents do not want another child right now (as opposed to one of them being very sick or losing a house or something)? Is that allowed? Any responses are welcomed! 

    Thank you! :)

 

[pensmama87]

Hi

   First of all, I am not married but have a few questions so I know for the future. A while ago I read something along the lines of NFP only being used in "grave situations," yet the only time I have read questions about NFP it is from people people using it to simply space out children. 

    Please forgive me if any of what I said is incorrect, but to me it seems that NFP is used simply because the **parents do not want another child right now (as opposed to one of them being very sick or losing a house or something)? Is that allowed?** Any responses are welcomed! 

    Thank you! :)

Re the bolded: one does not have to actively want children all of the time. It is impossible to say whether reasons are “good enough” when we are not privy to all the ins and outs and private moments of any given marriage.

What is required is to cooperate with God’s design for our bodies. To be generous with our spouses, to make sacrifices for our spouses and for our children and for God. There may be times during a marriage where that looks like actively trying for a baby, or where that looks like postponing conception, or where that looks like “leaving it up to chance.” Some couples may end up following just one of those paths for their entire reproductive years, but I would venture to say most of us are going to probably end up doing more than one.

Simcha Fisher’s book The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning is an excellent resource on how NFP works on a spiritual level in marriage.

 

[CatholicRaven]

Not “grave situations,” but for “just reasons.”

Of course, a grave situation would probably be a just reason, but not all just reasons would necessarily be grave. Another thing to remember is that a particular reason may be considered “just” for one couple’s circumstances, but may not be in another couple’s situation. Because of that, posting details can leave a couple vulnerable to judgement, criticism and condemnation that may not have anything to do with their question.

When someone says they are using NFP to “space out children,” or even that they may not “want” another child right now, that doesn’t necessarily mean there are no underlying reasons the couple may need or want to wait a certain time before getting pregnant again. Reasons can be very personal and may include information the couple does not wish to share–especially on the internet. So we need to be careful not to make assumptions that may or may not be true about their intent.

Ideally, the married couple discerns their reasons for using NFP prayerfully and on an ongoing basis as needed, such as whenever there is a change that affects their reason(s). Granted, that doesn’t always happen. There are some couples (Catholics and non-Catholics) who use NFP and who may not have “just reasons.” However, in general, there is really no way for any one of us outside the marriage to determine whether that is actually the case for any particular couple. That judgement is left to God.

 

[AdamP88]

Hi

   First of all, I am not married but have a few questions so I know for the future. A while ago I read something along the lines of NFP only being used in "grave situations," yet the only time I have read questions about NFP it is from people people using it to simply space out children. 

    Please forgive me if any of what I said is incorrect, but to me it seems that NFP is used simply because the parents do not want another child right now (as opposed to one of them being very sick or losing a house or something)? Is that allowed? Any responses are welcomed! 

    Thank you! :)

There is no teaching of the Church that requires that a married couple are always actively seeking to conceive. The marital act must be “open to life”. I.e. - The Catholic couple cannot use artificial birth control. However, NFP is a method that works with the woman’s cycle to identify the times that are more fertile and either avoid or target those times, depending on whether the couple are seeking to avoid or conceive.

“Grave” reasons are not required for NFP, only a “just” reason. That is a good bit more flexible. The whole nature of NFP lends itself to the practice of virtue and to love of one’s spouse. I think people widely misunderstand NFP as some sort of “Catholic Birth Control” but that is not the case. If God intended married couples to have children every time they have sex, then he would have made women permanently fertile. NFP is simply working with God’s design of the human body as opposed to working against it.

 

[jazzy0710]

Have you checked with your local archdiocese to see if there are any coaches around that can teach it to you?