I
ivory
Guest
It seems that the only times I post here are when I’m experiencing crisis of faith and/or depression, so apologies first and foremost.
As I mentioned in a thread posted previously, I am experiencing (another) crisis of faith. This attack has lasted about a month so far. It all started with a single stray thought that completely demolished my belief in everything. The existence of God, the divinity of Christ, the existence of “real” truth, the afterlife, everything. I spent weeks meandering around in sheer despair. I was on autopilot, faking happiness to my friends, family, and even my girlfriend of four years.
In my depressed state of mind, there was no point in doing anything. If we all were going to die and fade into the infinite blackness, why bother? Any earthly pleasure was only temporary and distracted thoughts from the inevitable. Any accomplishments I would have made in life would not matter in the slightest. Any good or evil done in life would not matter. Nothing humans do would amount to anything. Every single war, every single nation, every last person, nothing. The entire history of mankind was a small, insignificant speck compared to the rest of the cold, unfeeling universe. A random fluke of nature and a product of chemical reactions. Anything saying otherwise was simply self-delusion and wishful thinking. Tall tales created by men afraid of the dark to make themselves feel better about the concept of non-existence.
This was my mindset. In a desperate search for some kind of reassurance, I began my efforts to rebuild my faith from the ground up. I didn’t have any real form of Christian upbringing, so I didn’t have anywhere near the education that others had. I read the Bible. I prayed. I read many, many articles about Christianity. I checked out apologetic works by people like Lee Strobel, C.S. Lewis, and William Lane Craig. I watched programming on EWTN. I’ve done these and much more in my research.
I feel my faith coming back slowly and my demeanor improving, but I’m still plagued by doubts. I still don’t fully understand how we can believe with 100% certainty that God exists, that Jesus was his son, that the Gospels are genuine, that the Catholic Church is the one true Christian church and the one true religion, etc. Especially with the absolutely staggering amount of scientific and logical arguments against everything Christians believe in. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that people can believe when there’s so many people who seem to have dedicated their lives to proving them wrong.
Yet somehow, something tells me inside tells me that I just might be on to something with Christianity. That maybe my crisis was meant to draw me closer to God, Or perhaps it was an attempt by the Devil to pull me away from Him and into sin. Or maybe it’s just me clinging onto what’s left of my belief with a white-knuckle grip. In any case, I’m forcing myself to move forward. If there truly is a loving God, then this suffering is for a greater cause. I’m really hoping it is.
As I mentioned in a thread posted previously, I am experiencing (another) crisis of faith. This attack has lasted about a month so far. It all started with a single stray thought that completely demolished my belief in everything. The existence of God, the divinity of Christ, the existence of “real” truth, the afterlife, everything. I spent weeks meandering around in sheer despair. I was on autopilot, faking happiness to my friends, family, and even my girlfriend of four years.
In my depressed state of mind, there was no point in doing anything. If we all were going to die and fade into the infinite blackness, why bother? Any earthly pleasure was only temporary and distracted thoughts from the inevitable. Any accomplishments I would have made in life would not matter in the slightest. Any good or evil done in life would not matter. Nothing humans do would amount to anything. Every single war, every single nation, every last person, nothing. The entire history of mankind was a small, insignificant speck compared to the rest of the cold, unfeeling universe. A random fluke of nature and a product of chemical reactions. Anything saying otherwise was simply self-delusion and wishful thinking. Tall tales created by men afraid of the dark to make themselves feel better about the concept of non-existence.
This was my mindset. In a desperate search for some kind of reassurance, I began my efforts to rebuild my faith from the ground up. I didn’t have any real form of Christian upbringing, so I didn’t have anywhere near the education that others had. I read the Bible. I prayed. I read many, many articles about Christianity. I checked out apologetic works by people like Lee Strobel, C.S. Lewis, and William Lane Craig. I watched programming on EWTN. I’ve done these and much more in my research.
I feel my faith coming back slowly and my demeanor improving, but I’m still plagued by doubts. I still don’t fully understand how we can believe with 100% certainty that God exists, that Jesus was his son, that the Gospels are genuine, that the Catholic Church is the one true Christian church and the one true religion, etc. Especially with the absolutely staggering amount of scientific and logical arguments against everything Christians believe in. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that people can believe when there’s so many people who seem to have dedicated their lives to proving them wrong.
Yet somehow, something tells me inside tells me that I just might be on to something with Christianity. That maybe my crisis was meant to draw me closer to God, Or perhaps it was an attempt by the Devil to pull me away from Him and into sin. Or maybe it’s just me clinging onto what’s left of my belief with a white-knuckle grip. In any case, I’m forcing myself to move forward. If there truly is a loving God, then this suffering is for a greater cause. I’m really hoping it is.
- ivory
