How does one know if they have forgiven someone or not?

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Holly3278

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Hey everyone. How does one know if they have forgiven someone or not? I know with me there are times when my emotions don’t match the fact that I chose to forgive someone.
 
IMO, it’s the act of will in willing forgiveness and as lived out in your actions.
 
snarflemike said:
IMO, it’s the act of will in willing forgiveness and as lived out in your actions.
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Thank you Snarflemike.

I have a question. There are people whom I have forgiven but whom have not forgiven me (or at least it doesn’t show in their actions towards me). I try to be as charitable as possible and such but sometimes I feel as though I am being attacked and then I get quite defensive which also leads to me becoming angry. How can I avoid becoming angry due to defensiveness?
 
My dad died in 2001. There had been a lot of animosity between us. At the time of his death, I had gotten upset because we never got to work out our problems. It’s taken me years, but I have finally let go of the hard feelings. I have forgiven him what needs to be forgiven. It took a few years, but while I am sometimes still hurt by the memories, I no longer feel the need for justification. I still have a ways to go in this, because the memories do still hurt. But a lot of the sting has gone over the years. If he were still alive, I would hope that by now we would have gotten everything straightened out. Now, the best I can do is to pray for his eternal rest.
 
Holly3278 said:
Thank you Snarflemike.

I have a question. There are people whom I have forgiven but whom have not forgiven me (or at least it doesn’t show in their actions towards me). I try to be as charitable as possible and such but sometimes I feel as though I am being attacked and then I get quite defensive which also leads to me becoming angry. How can I avoid becoming angry due to defensiveness?
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Avoid them if they act badly towards you. If you can’t avoid them, insist (politely but firmly) that they treat you with decency. If they won’t, go back to #1 and avoid them.
 
You know if you’ve forgiven someone if you experience peace when interacting with them, or at least not continued negativity stemming from what they did to harm you in the first place.

You know if someone else has forgiven you by their demeanor and concern for you.
 
When I had a great deal of difficulty forgiving someone, a priest told me to keep praying for her. So I would forgive - then see her & be upset again. So I’d pray for her - every time I saw her or thought about her. It took a long time, but it worked!

I still need to avoid her (the only way to describe her behavoir is toxic) but I’m no longer upset when I run into her. Every so often I remember to pray for her other “victims.”
 
Holly3278 said:
Hey everyone. How does one know if they have forgiven someone or not? I know with me there are times when my emotions don’t match the fact that I chose to forgive someone.
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Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. If you decide to forgive someone, then you have forgiven them. That doesn’t mean that you have to expose yourself to further harm or hurt. If they hurt you, there may be residual emotions, but that does not affect the fact that you have forgiven them.
 
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