How far...

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Pro-Life_Teen

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How far do we go to make sure we do not commit scandal? If we’re on vacation with cousins and distant family, do we take 2 rooms so no one assumes there’s a boyfriend? What about roommates- people might assume that even same sex friends are lovers.

If we’re at a friends house or a boy/girlfriend’s house and it’s late because there was a movie, do we go home at 3 am, or can we crash on the couch? Even leaving at 3, someone may think we spent the night or that something immoral was going on. Or what if you’re at a cousin’s and people assume you’re a girlfriend-- it happens all the time in movies, mistaken identity and such.

I write books as well- depending on the character, there are immoral actions or deeds being done. I don’t condone these actions, but they are appropriate for the time/setting/etc. Should there be a disclaimer that it’s fictional and as a Catholic, I don’t condone it, I just write it? [Not smut I don’t do sex scene, but perhaps unmarried lovers are mentioned, or murder.]

It just seems to me with scandal we have to go out of our way to make sure others don’t see us sinning, yet they probably think it’s alright anyways. Or no matter what you do, they’ll assume something.
 
You go as far as you need to not commit scandal. God teaches you what to do if your heart is open to Him.

You shouldn’t even be thinking about sinning in the first place, too.
 
Eucharisted said:
You go as far as you need to not commit scandal. God teaches you what to do if your heart is open to Him.

You shouldn’t even be thinking about sinning in the first place, too.
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I don’t think about sinning. I worry about sinning- I have ocd, as I’ve mentioned in a few posts. I want to make sure I don’t sin, scandal is always something that’s bothered me though. On one hand, we’re told to mind our own business, and on the other, we’re told to make certain that no one sins because of us-- and short of wearing a sign or going door to door, some people will always assume.
 
Yes. Even Jesus was continually judged as to how He kept the law. But we can only go so far. People contantly judge others actions. We all do and we should for our own well being. I would have to judge situations for my children’s safety. I probably wouldn’t ask for a ride from someone just walking out of a bar. Maybe he or she didn’t have a drink but their action of walking out of a bar assumes that they may have.

We cannot obsess about all of the little things that we do. People should not judge our hearts as only God can do that. So if your cousin spends the night and crashes on the couch then so be it. And that should be a lesson for the rest of us who so quickly judge others. Obviously there are situations that are a cause for the near occasion of sin. Having your girlfriend spend the night is probably not a good idea. And, yes, anyone who knows that she did will think that you guys did the unthinkable. That’s the immoral society that we live in and that dictates how people see us. Now, I don’t drink at all. I probably never had a six pack of beer in all of my 49 years. But if I go into a bar to visit with a friend and order a soft drink, you can bet your bottom dollar that everyone who sees me leave will “know” that I had a drink or two or three.

So, how far? Let your informed conscience be your guide. You have yourself to think about and also the wellbeing of those around you. I would err on the side of caution. But you know what’s in your heart. And that goes for all of your decisions in life. Life is a series of choices. There are no bad people; only good people who make bad choices…teachccd
 
Pro-Life_Teen said:
How far do we go to make sure we do not commit scandal? If we’re on vacation with cousins and distant family, do we take 2 rooms so no one assumes there’s a boyfriend? What about roommates- people might assume that even same sex friends are lovers.

If we’re at a friends house or a boy/girlfriend’s house and it’s late because there was a movie, do we go home at 3 am, or can we crash on the couch? Even leaving at 3, someone may think we spent the night or that something immoral was going on. Or what if you’re at a cousin’s and people assume you’re a girlfriend-- it happens all the time in movies, mistaken identity and such.

I write books as well- depending on the character, there are immoral actions or deeds being done. I don’t condone these actions, but they are appropriate for the time/setting/etc. Should there be a disclaimer that it’s fictional and as a Catholic, I don’t condone it, I just write it? [Not smut I don’t do sex scene, but perhaps unmarried lovers are mentioned, or murder.]

It just seems to me with scandal we have to go out of our way to make sure others don’t see us sinning, yet they probably think it’s alright anyways. Or no matter what you do, they’ll assume something.
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Character, this is what you can control as an individual. Reputation is something that despite your best efforts you cannot control.

My music teacher from grade school remarried after her 1st husband died. The gentleman courting her would not go into her house until they were married. That is a whole lot of respect by a man for a woman.

To whom are you referring when you use “we”? Do you mean your immediately family and cousins or a group of cousins?
If we’re at a friends house or a boy/girlfriend’s house and it’s late because there was a movie, do we go home at 3 am, or can we crash on the couch?
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Okay, I might seem like a parent here (imagine me raising an eyebrow).

“It’s late because there was a movie…? Was the DVD player incapable of playing a movie at 7 p.m.?”

The last thing I did at 3 a.m. was get up to go to work.
At my stage in life the only way I am watching a movie anywhere near 3 a.m. is if I went to bed at 6 p.m. and set my alarm.

A point of curiousity, just how many people where you live are up at 3 a.m.? On nights when I cannot sleep I might get up and walk the dogs. It is only me and the dogs.

Most parents that I know, including my own mother, would not have problems with girls spending the night with other girls or boys spending the night at their friend’s house. They all would nix a mix of boys and girls thus, helping to preserve their kid’s reputations. I personally have crashed on the couch of various relatives without any worry.

The only other consideration which comes to mind about whether or not to leave at 3 a.m. would be road conditions. If the roads are dangerous (i.e. icy) then it would be wholly appropriate to not leave. As a volunteer firefighter I have seen too many accidents in good weather. A lady died in the most recent crash.

Of course with the wonders of modern technology (i.e. internet and blackberries) a teenager should never be without the latest road conditions. It is possible to have this information prior to any get together and would be useful (again being parental) in deciding to come home at say 9 p.m.

I wish you well with your writing.

God bless
 
Far enough to appease your neighbours oversensitive moral code without going so far as to ruin a perfectly good evening.

Seems a wise course of action, no-one suspects anything (that they wouldn’t merely by seeing you and said prospective lover together) and no-ones feelings are hurt by your leaving (anymore than they would be regardless of when you left)

Of course there are dangers, but the only way to avoid those is to do as the aforementioned suitor did and not even enter your lovers house until marriage, and respect aside that seems a little… Cold.

“I adore you, but…lets keep this relationship stirctly outdoors shall we?”

Now outdoor relations can be fun, but only if you’ve a fireplace to retire to at the end of it.
 
There don’t seem to be strict guidelines for this. And I like strict guidelines.

Here’s the exact situation, for those interested, and if that would help. I’m going to London soon [live in the States] to visit my boyfriend. I’m getting a hotel for the nights, but scandal is puzzling me. I’m to be there a bit over a week and do wish to have as much time as possible- do I go to the hotel at 9 or 10, or if there happens to be a movie marathon, is it moral for me to stay for an evening?

I don’t want to be looking at the clock and thinking “15 more minutes and I’m sinning.”
 
Pro-Life_Teen said:
There don’t seem to be strict guidelines for this. And I like strict guidelines.

Here’s the exact situation, for those interested, and if that would help. I’m going to London soon [live in the States] to visit my boyfriend. I’m getting a hotel for the nights, but scandal is puzzling me. I’m to be there a bit over a week and do wish to have as much time as possible- do I go to the hotel at 9 or 10, or if there happens to be a movie marathon, is it moral for me to stay for an evening?

I don’t want to be looking at the clock and thinking “15 more minutes and I’m sinning.”
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Have a chaperone. Are his parents in the house? Can you have an older sister or aunt travel with you?

Meet in public places. If he lives in a flat alone, have him invite his friends over for the movie marathon.
 
Enjoy your time in London; try not to get obsessive-compulsive about things.
 
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