How important do you consider chemistry in a relationship

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Rozellelily

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Do you think that chemistry (romantic or sexual) is of high importance to have a relationship (hopefully leading towards marriage)?

Eg:if you met someone who had the same values as you,and perhaps even shared interests and culture,but there was no chemistry,could a relationship like this work long term or would you view that more as just a friendship?
 
I’d like a practicing Catholic (i.e. identifies as Catholic, and lives the teachings of the Church) non smoker who I find reasonably good looking. I think chemistry fades so it’s not something I look for.
 
That’s a friendship, which certainly can be the basis for more. But I would not recommend marrying someone who holds no attraction for you romantically and sexually. Because that is a big part of marriage.
 
I agree, but would add the caveat that “chemistry” doesn’t always occur at first. If you’ve known someone for years and not felt anything for them, that’s one thing; if you’ve been on one date with this person, give it some time and see if attraction develops. If over the course of a few dates, you aren’t feeling more and more attracted to this person, give it up.
 
Rozellelily said:
Do you think that chemistry (romantic or sexual) is of high importance to have a relationship (hopefully leading towards marriage)?
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Yes. It’s one thing if the attraction fades a little as it does in many marriages as long as it is shored up by a deepening love based on mutual support, loyalty and trust. The attraction that brought you both together can be the glue until that greater love develops that learns to love the other person despite their faults and shortcomings. If that attraction isn’t there to begin with, then if there is serious life-stressors thrown into the marriage fairly early then that new, fragile love may not survive to build something stronger. Also, what if the lack of attraction on one spouses part leads to a lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom and even an avoidance? What if the other spouse is really attracted to someone who doesn’t feel the same way and there is huge gulf created by mismatched libidos which attraction can play a part in?

I agree that attraction can develop over time as you get to know someone but there has to be at least the ability to see yourself kissing, hugging, cuddling the other person and feeling something. Otherwise, you would be acting the part just because they check all the right boxes in other areas of compatibility, IMO. Over time, that acting so as not to hurt the other person’s feeling will not be so easy to pull off.
 
When you’re young chemistry works overtime…POW!

Over time character and personality works …same music, but played softly.
Imho.
 
Every long lasting marriage I know is where people married their best friend. “Friendship” is not some lesser thing.
 
You are thousand times more blessed if looking at her, you search Christ, mission, ministry, godliness, and if chemistry is not important for you.
But unfortunately most of the people follow chemistry, for some people chemistry are every thing, and of course, frequently these people end up dissapointed and spiritually bankrupt and fruitless.
 
These days a lot of people seem to be using terms like “friendzoned” to suggest they only view the other person/date as friendship material potential but on the other hand isn’t sometimes best friend a good foundation?
 
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heidi_storage said:
I agree, but would add the caveat that “chemistry” doesn’t always occur at first. If you’ve known someone for years and not felt anything for them, that’s one thing; if you’ve been on one date with this person, give it some time and see if attraction develops. If over the course of a few dates, you aren’t feeling more and more attracted to this person, give it up.
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I have heard a lot of stories, though, of couples that knew each other for a long time before they started dating. (I don’t know about the level of attraction and chemistry, though.)
 
One thing I have to note is that at least some of the time, instant chemistry is synthetic.

Have you ever met somebody who seems fun and nice, but then you see more of them and realize that that’s all there was to them was what you saw the first time you met?
 
From the perspective of a woman who has been in a challenged marriage for 35 years (adulterous husband), the “chemistry” that matters is Christ’s light reflected in a person, and qualities that are worthy of respect.
 
Unborn children because of the hedonism of the wife, unused opportunities in the ministry because of the materialism and selfishness of the wife, missed horizons of spiritual heights and prayers due to the influence of the wife’s carnal desires, and so on…
 
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Athanasiy said:
Unborn children because of the hedonism of the wife, unused opportunities in the ministry because of the materialism and selfishness of the wife, missed horizons of spiritual heights and prayers due to the influence of the wife’s carnal desires, and so on…
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Why would a guy who was oh-so-spiritual marry a woman like that?
 
Now only believers give birth. Worldly women do not want to give birth. At best, a worldly woman convince a husband to have a dog instead of a child. For a secular couple, money from the family budget is not a wise thing to spend on the common family good, but simply a way to improve consumer existence.
 
That is an interesting statistic. Do you have some source or report citing the fact that secular people do not give birth?
 
Certainly, female beauty and sex is what gives life taste, meaning, heaven on earth, and so on.
But we are Christians here in this world not at a feast, and not for a long time, we have the task to go the way and reach the destination, like aliens and strangers.
Chemistry intoxicates the mind. Chemistry hypnotizes like a boa hypnotizes the rabbit. Chemistry enslaves. If outward appearance is a friend with spirituality, then the husband is lucky. And if a worldly woman enslaves the heart, then you have to carry a heavy suitcase without a handle all your life.
God gave a woman looks and gave a man a strong impulsivity, the consequence of the drive is childbearing.
But now chemistry simply dictates its power in return, demanding idolatry.
Therefore, I admire men who are able to humble their impulses, their blood, their lust and look for more important priorities in a woman than chemistry.
 
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