How important was your father to you?

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BayCityRickL

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James 1:27* Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained by the world.*

I can say from my own experience that the most significant and consequential event in my life was the death of my father, when I was nine years old.

Perhaps someone reading this can make the sacrifice to make a difference in the life of a young man or woman who is fatherless (or motherless).

Those of you who had a good father-figure in your life may wish to comment on how important your father was to you.
 
He worked real hard and did his best, but he didn’t know how to express himself to us and it was like ships passing in the night. The only physical affection was trying to tickle us, but actually that was more than my mother who was more distant and stoic.
 
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snowgarden:
He worked real hard and did his best, but he didn’t know how to express himself to us and it was like ships passing in the night. The only physical affection was trying to tickle us, but actually that was more than my mother who was more distant and stoic.
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…i am sorry to here that… i am very blessed, both my parents are of the Korean war era… both were very loving and kind, wouldn’t hurt a flea and i would be lost without them… they are both in their 70’s now, and I don’t know how i will handle the inevitable when it happens. I can’t imagine how different i would have been or my 7 brothers and sisters would have been if they weren’t who they were… thanks for your sharing…
 
My earthly father was a blessing to me and my mom and my whole family. He was the best.

We prayed the family rosary every night and we all took time for special intentions at the end. He had the same one every time. He prayed for patience and for his father.

It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s that my mom told me that his dad had deserted their family, after having been abusive to the children. He also left them penniless. The children in his family went out and got jobs (paper boy or whatever odd job they could find) at very young ages. When they got evicted due to overdue rent, the older boys in the family would go out and look for a new place to stay.

With high school education, and pilots training in the service (WW II) behind him my dad married my mom and she was a very faithful Catholic. With that as their cornerstone to their marriage they had 7 children and remained faithful Catholics their whole marriage.

Now that I am older and have raised children of my own I realize just how special my dad’s example of love and forgiveness really was to all of us. He was such a wonderful person and I know he struggled with what his dad had done to him. I know he forgave him, prayed for him, and actually became the father to us that he probably wanted for himself growing up.

My dad has been gone from this earth for 12 years now. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and all that he taught us. I pray for him, and I thank God that he gave me the dad he did.

My dad died before he knew that my daughter became a pilot, like he was. When I worry about her, as I did when she was in the Middle East last year, I do think that my dad is looking out and interceeding for her to our Father in heaven.
 
My father had mixed importance for me. He largely was a workaholic and it was tough in the home during my early years. He has since grown and still is growing in becoming a father. Better late than never, but I do wish that he had been around more and more stable. I realize to this day that one of the reasons I enjoy sports so much is because those were the only events he was around and he’d throw ball around with me at night. He has been awesome around medical though many a times. So I ask God to grant him the Grace to Love through Mercy and Justice and continue to grow in his vocation. Thanks and God Bless.
 
My father was my hero, though a distant one. He was an alcoholic, and my Mom moved to a different state, so there were times I didn’t see him much. But I was always Daddy’s Girl. I know what was missing from our relationship, and I will make sure that everything in my power is done so that none of my kids miss out on that from either myself or their father. But the one thing that was not missing was love. Daddy always loved me, always listened, always cared. And it wasn’t until after he passed away last summer, and I found psych documents that he had hidden, that I understood “why”. And when I found that out, I was so thankful that I had never held the distance against him, never held the alcoholism against him, and always just loved him. My brother still hasn’t forgiven him, even holding the “why” against him. No matter what wrong you may think your father has done, I hope that anyone reading this will understand that forgiveness without requiring a reason may be the best gift you can give to yourself. And to those of you fortunate enough to have a father who was around, and expressed his love for you daily…know what a gift you have been given. And I so agree with the spirit of this thread, to help those without fathers - show them the love and affection and attention that you are able, so that they may have an inkling of those gifts, and can pass them on to others.
 
My Dad was a true “father,” not my “buddy” or “pal.” He taught me how to be a real man and the importance of putting God before anything else. He yelled at me and disiplined me when I needed it. And he was there to listen to me and give me love and guidence when I needed it, as well. My brother and I and our friends, used to sit in the kitchen or on the front porch, just talking to Dad, about anything and everything, we would move from one topic to another. To this day my friends tell me that they miss the time we all spent with my dad; none of them could do this with their dads. My Dad died in 1990, at 65, I’m 49 now and I still miss him and I pray to Him for his intercesson and guidence. He is still, aand always will be an important and present part of my life.

May God bless him, now and always.

P.S.: Thank you for this thread.
Danny
 
I was very close to my father and was at his deathbed for four days around the clock before he passed away holding his hand and praying the rosary. Even though it’s been several years since his death, I still think of him often.
 
There was a man who impregnanted a woman. Never knew his name or anything about him. She gave me away at 8 mos. to an older woman, who was separated from her husband. It was a “mell” of a mess and terribly painful. The images that I have of father, and mother, to this day are from the men and women who extended their fatherly and motherly ways beyond their own families, even if in what appeared to be small, insigificant ways. God bless them.
 
I was always “Daddy’s little girl”…pretty much still am, even though now I’m almost 22 and married. Not to say that we didn’t get disciplined when we needed it, 'cause we did, but I knew how to give him the little sad face and get out of a lot of punishments very early on. 😛 My Dad is a good guy. I have a lot of respect for him. He was in the Air Force and the Army, fought and was wounded in Vietnam. He and my mother worked their butts off to be able to afford 3 kids in Catholic school. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized how much they gave up to do that, and I appreciate it so much. He taught me a lot. I remember when I was a little girl, I thought he was the smartest and strongest man in the world. 😃 I think everyone thinks that about their dad though, when you’re young.
Even now, I always feel safest when I’m at my parents house…Dad is going on 60 years old now but somehow that sense of safety and security that was instilled in me never really went away. I always think, if he’s here, everything is going to be fine. Naive, but an old habit I guess. I think the hardest think I’ve noticed from myself getting older is watching my parents get older. My mom has arthritis now, they’re both totally gray, Dad’s hearing isn’t what it used to be, his hands shake a little and his old war wound acts up more than it used to.
But he’s still my Dad-when I’m home visiting, it’s “How’s the car, honey? Do you need money? Are you o.k.? Are you locking that side door at night? How’s the furnace running?” 😃

I’m sorry if this was too long. I guess I had more to say than I thought!
I think I’ll say a prayer tonight for those that grew up without their dads. I can’t imagine what that must have been like, and my heart goes out to you.
:blessyou:
 
My parents should never have had children. Theirs was an utterly selfish relationship that was all about them. My father has so many extramarital affairs that when we total them up we wonder if he did cheat on the woman he was cheating on my mother with! My mother was/is a bitter woman who was totally obsessed with my father and nothing else mattered. She still is to some extent which is sad since he divorced her for a younger model about 18 years ago.

Now I know I sound bitter and mean and I probably am. I am envious of the loving relationships so many of you have with your parents. It would be nice to say that my parents know or even care about what is happening in my life but they dont. I last saw my father over a year ago at my Poppa’s funeral where he sucked me in again by pretending to want a relationship. So I contacted him only to be ignored. My mother seems to think that the sexual abuse suffered by my daughter at the hands of her father’s new wife’s son is ok and that we are making too much fuss!

I know we cant choose our families, but I would like to ask the question “how did I get two fruit loops?!”

Anyway, thank goodness for my Father in Heaven and my Mother Mary, if it wasn’t for them I’d be an orphan
 
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savone:
There was a man who impregnanted a woman. Never knew his name or anything about him. She gave me away at 8 mos. to an older woman, who was separated from her husband. It was a “mell” of a mess and terribly painful. The images that I have of father, and mother, to this day are from the men and women who extended their fatherly and motherly ways beyond their own families, even if in what appeared to be small, insigificant ways. God bless them.
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I should say that several adult men tried to show me some friendship, in a fatherly way, but it was always short-lived. But, as short-lived as it was, it was always a gift and in an inexpressible way, I hoped it would not come to an end. But, it always did.

When my sister divorced, I tried to be close to her daughter. I tried to be a friendly uncle, but I know that I did not always succeed. Now that she is an adult, we are on very comfortable speaking terms (I think and hope). Whatever else may have happened, I believe that we were and are friends.
 
My father worked hard to support us 7, and my mother. He was always willing to work, but he did not show love to us in other ways. There were few hugs or kind words, or loving attention. He was there, but not “there.” He had a hard childhood, and I have faced my issues with him and forgiven him, knowing he did the best he could. He is a wise and moral man, which is why I was drawn to the Catholic faith as a convert, I appreciate it’s moral norms.
 
I never knew my birth father until I was almost 17 years old. When I met him, it was as though we’d known each other all those years. He is a wonderful man – a wonderful father…quiet, a good disciplinarian, loving, affectionate, hard-working, unselfish, inspiring, etc. He is proof that environment isn’t everything that shapes a child – I am just like him in so many ways and tastes and talents, without having been raised by him.

He has a long history of diabetes in his family, bad diabetes, and is diabetic and almost 60 himself. I have only had him in my life for 2 years, and I have watched my grandfather sicken terribly in his 60’s and now 70’s to diabetes – I can only pray I have more time with my father.

I love him dearly! 🙂
 
Thanks for this thread.
My dad is anti-social. He has few friends. DH has given up on trying to be friends with him (we’ve been married for less than a year and DH and I have a beautiful marriage).
Dad is a convert to the Church. When we visited my parents for Easter, he was too angry at Mom (for accidentally damaging her car and garage) to go to easter Mass. I was mad at Dad for that but my younger brother wisely said that we shouldn’t follow his example. (DH and I took my brother to Mass.)
I hope that Dad watches a lot less TV and learns how to be a better husband and dad. He could do so much for the Catholic Church if he became a Knight of Columbus. He is a very intelligent man and he reads First Things and listens to EWTN on the radio. I was a conservative for most of my short life because of him. (now I stay away from Republican and Democrat lingo and do my best to vote for the one who will serve God…anyway that’s another story)
Dad works very hard. I feel bad for him because I doubt that he will ever be happy. He fights depression. He’s in his 40s and I know that he could experience so much joy and happiness if he would let himself. He swears, watches Comedy Central and “good bad” sci-fi movies and other **** on TV with my brothers, and lays around on the couch while he’s at home - and plays violent computer games. I realize that I’m painting a bad picture of him. He has done a lot of good for me. I was so happy when he converted to the Catholic Church! He signs all his emails “Love, Dad” and whenever we see each other, we hug. God could’ve given me a much harder dad to live with, or a dad who wasn’t there. Dad has a lot to learn but he does the best that he can. God bless Dad!

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
My dad really showed me how important it is to have a good father, but he showed me this by being a bad father.
My dad always acted like I (and my siblings) was a burden to him. I don’t remember ever feeling like he wanted me around or that he wanted a relationship with me. He would get mad at me when I didn’t talk to him, but when I did talk to him, he responded angrily, if he responded at all.
Later on, I came to see that my dad’s behavior was emotionally abusive. For a while, I was incredibly angry at him. Now, I have forgiven him, but I still experience the pain of not having had a loving father. It is hard for me to talk to men. It is hard for me to even look them in the eye sometimes. It took a long time before I could see God as a loving Father, because to me, “loving father” seemed to be an oxymoron. Fortunately, God placed very good men in my life. In high school, I had a teacher who talked to me more in a week than my dad would in a month and who seemed to take more interest in my life than my own father did. He was also a good husband and father to his own family, although he wasn’t perfect. This helped me see a less distorted image of fatherhood than I had previously received and gave me a better, although imperfect, understanding of God as a loving Father.
I know that my dad didn’t have a good childhood, and his family excluded him, so I realize that he didn’t have much of an example. I pray that God may lead him to true happiness, because he is a very unhappy man right now. Fathers, please be there for your children, and let them know that they are not burdens, but precious gifts from God. This is so important for children to know as they grow up.
 
My dad was of the old school, without a doubt. Tough, hard, US Navy veteran (23 years, Korean and Vietnam), not given to showing much affection and definitely didn’t like to get soft with anyone.

But at the same time, he was a great man. Honest, strong, loyal, trustworthy, a hard worker who was great admired by his co-workers and peers. He loved my mom dearly and never cheated on her once. He was also devout in his faith and appreciated that from others, as long as they weren’t too fanatical about it. In fact, he was very weary of people who wore their religion on their sleeve. I am the same too, myself.

He could be hard and demanding, but he was never harsh or cruel. He insisted that I always give my absolute best in all that I do. He disciplined me when I needed it and encouraged me when I needed that. He worked hard and never complained at all. And he was very forgiving, being that though he never showed his faults, he knew he had them, too.

How important was he to me? More than I can say. I am the man I am today because of him. If I could be just one-percent of what my dad was, then I will be all right. He passed into the eternal life over five years ago, and to this day I miss him very, very much.
 
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