How long do I help

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dhgray

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I helped a friend save his marriage several years ago…Praise God.

Last year his wife died. I helped him bury her.

He got involved with another woman and she took him to the cleaners and he ended up on my couch for a month. He borrowed $125 to make a down payment on an apartment and moved out.

He wrote me a check for the money. The check bounced. In fact, the bank said the account was closed. I ended up paying $36 for the returned check.

He called me today and said he lost the apartment and needs a place to crash. He wants to talk about it on Wednesday. I’m out over $150 and he wants to freeload.

When do I say enough? Grow up and act like a man. Take responsiblity for your actions and pay me the money.

I know this is not a very Christian attitude but I’m tired.

Thanks for letting me vent.
 
I think it is wonderful that you were there for him when his wife passed on. It really sounds like he is taking advantage of you and your good will.

I think it would be an appropriate time to request for him to pay you the money owed. If it is not paid to you then I think you have all rights to say “No, now is not a good time for you to stay here”.

He is probably going through a tough time, and help in other ways if you can. Continue to pray for him or point him in the right direction. It just doesn’t sound like crashing on your couch is the right direction.
 
If your generosity is tapped by this “friend” again I would lay out a few ground rules BEFORE he is welcome to set foot in your house. One of them would be the requirement that he have or be actively seeking a job. Give him a non-negotiable deadline by which to secure employment. From his wages you will expect weekly payments of $____ (you decide) to repay the debt he owes you. You should also specify which tasks he will help with around your house while he is staying there.

I would also put a very clear end date on this arrangement. It should take an able-bodied man with even modest employment a short amount of time to save up the downpayment for a simple apartment of his own. Some charitable agencies offer career/financial counseling to those in need. You might want to look up and acquaint him with some of these resources.
 
Thank for the support. My friend did call and I told him about the bounced check and service fees. To which he said he would be over that night to make things right. I told him I wanted cash. That was over a week ago and I have not heard from him since…I’ll probably never see him or the money again.
 
Davis, sometimes you just have to do what you feel is right in your heart.

I have a friend…she’s having a relationship with a married man…has lived off and on with her mother…crashed her car (had no insurance)…on and on…she probably owes me around $300 or a little more, but hey, I just witness to her, invite her to church and just follow my heart on helping her.

How long? Well, i might would draw the line on living with me, but otherwise, if you feel in your heart that you should help your friend, by all means do. You’ll know when to stop.
 
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dhgray:
Thank for the support. My friend did call and I told him about the bounced check and service fees. To which he said he would be over that night to make things right. I told him I wanted cash. That was over a week ago and I have not heard from him since…I’ll probably never see him or the money again.
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Thank goodness you were able to get all the information you needed to confirm your concerns in a phone call instead of having him as a boarder again.
 
Sometimes our friends and family need “tough love”. Sounds like you’ve done all the right things here.
 
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