How long does it take to stop being the "new" Catholic?

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Hi there. I think I perceive that in trying to find a place of service in my parish, that there is sort of a hierarchy where you are not as welcome because you are “new.” Sometimes it seems those in charge of various things are sort of territorial about this also. Now that does surprise me, because for instance in my parish that serves thousands of families, there are VERY few people (couple or few hundred at most) who do all the work (we run about 8 Masses each Sunday). I’d think they would be happy to sign up someone who voluntered. 🤷

It seems like it is considered to be too new for bible study, too new for anything other than bench warming…and yes, benches need to be warmed too, but having grown up a pastor’s daughter, I’m used to WORKING. So I have prayerfully considered different areas of where my talents fit in a parish, and before I’ve led Bible studies, and have done administrative work, and I’ve fixed food, and cleaned up, and have been in music ministry (organ and piano accompaniment, music leading, etc.), but I feel a reluctance among the “old-timers” to let me in and let me work too. It isn’t my theology – since I’m super-glued to the Holy Father, the Cathechism, the Magisterium, the Church, hook, line and sinker. You know, a protestant minister’s daughter is given piano lessons almost before she can READ! haha. Sooooo for the first year in the Catholic Church I have been practicing away on the hymns, learning the Mass musical responses, etc.

Things are said about my enthusiasm, people say, “oh she’s ‘on fire’” but I’m not finding a place of service. I had volunteered recently in music ministry and was politely turned away today. The music director had acted like he was helpful, but right before I played the piano with him today, (he was on the organ), he disconncted the digital piano from the P.A. system. 🤷:eek: (This was certainly his right to do, he is the music director but it really did feel awkward. I played last week also and when I found out the digital piano was disconnected, I thought it was a mistake. But then this morning it was done right in front of me.)

What started me thinking is that recently I had gone to another parish on a weekngith that offered an Ascension Press Bible study (Bible Timeline), and I went there because my girlfriend wanted to go. Because I’m not known there, I was welcomed with open arms and put to work as a group discussion facilitator when I volunteered when the leader of the Bible Study asked for volunteers. I’m enjoying that too.

But that is where I started noticing there is a different treatment between the two places, and I just don’t feel the same welcome at my parish.

I’ve given this thought and prayer, and I would hope you would think and pray also before responding. I have wondered if maybe at some point I wouldn’t belong or fit in better at a parish where it isn’t known I have only been a Catholic since 2009. Oh, also, it is known at my parish I have longed to be Catholic since 1985 and have studied everything since that time – needless to say by the time I crossed the Tiber…I was very ready. I also did it in answer to God’s Call to His Church, the fullness of Christ’s truth for Christians, and did so at personal cost of course (but I don’t count the personal cost as loss but GAIN for God’s glory).

I wonder if anyone else has encountered this or has ever thought about this or heard about this?

I will not be discussing this with ANYone at my parish since I think in parishes and churches there is always plenty of going on and people like to talk and gossip. If it were known I feel this way in my parish, I have friends who would be upset and be knocking on office doors…and I don’t think that is a good idea. The pastor, priests, music director have enough to do without answering this question.

So…I thought maybe I could get some viewpoint here. Thank you in advance for your prayerful response. And please do keep me in your prayers, I’m a little sad about this. (I’ll get over that too 🙂 )
 
There are as many personalities as there are many people. When I went for Divine Liturgy in an Eastern Catholic Parish, I was so warmly welcomed. I haven’t been as welcomed in most other Roman Catholic Parishes I have been. But that doesn’t mean Roman Catholics are snobish, its just that perhaps the personalities in the parishes I have been to aren’t as warm and as welcoming. I went to another Eastern Catholic Parish where I was completely ignored.

You have been blessed with a zeal and its good that you have found a place to serve. Perhaps God really wants to lead you there. Reflect on the words of Jesus when he said that a prophet is never welcomed in his homeland. Perhaps the familiarity of being a new Catholic is clouding the perception of other people in that parish, and the fresh start that you are getting is exactly the situation for you.
 
Welcome to the Catholic Church, Junebug!

My initial reaction to the title was to remember my family’s experience of buying a farm, and moving to the country. After ten years we were still “The people who bought Jone’s farm” 🙂

As you get to know more dedicated Catholics, you will be surprised to find how many of them are Tiber swimmers.

A few suggestions about your predicament…
  1. You mention 8 Sunday masses (!!!). There must be one or two of them which have trouble getting music every Sunday. Perhaps one of them could use an accomplished pianist.
  2. If possible, try to go regularly to one of the weekday masses (including Saturday morning) and/or attending a devotion (bible study, rosary, etc). That way you will get to know the people who are more involved in the parish, and might find yourself being asked to help out with things.
It sounds like a thriving parish! Most parishes are always looking out for new people to relieve the core members who have been doing the same jobs for years.

~ Edmundus
 
Junebug999 said:
Hi there. I think I perceive that in trying to find a place of service in my parish, that there is sort of a hierarchy where you are not as welcome because you are “new.” Sometimes it seems those in charge of various things are sort of territorial about this also. Now that does surprise me, because for instance in my parish that serves thousands of families, there are VERY few people (couple or few hundred at most) who do all the work (we run about 8 Masses each Sunday). I’d think they would be happy to sign up someone who voluntered. 🤷

It seems like it is considered to be too new for bible study, too new for anything other than bench warming…and yes, benches need to be warmed too, but having grown up a pastor’s daughter, I’m used to WORKING. So I have prayerfully considered different areas of where my talents fit in a parish, and before I’ve led Bible studies, and have done administrative work, and I’ve fixed food, and cleaned up, and have been in music ministry (organ and piano accompaniment, music leading, etc.), but I feel a reluctance among the “old-timers” to let me in and let me work too. It isn’t my theology – since I’m super-glued to the Holy Father, the Cathechism, the Magisterium, the Church, hook, line and sinker. You know, a protestant minister’s daughter is given piano lessons almost before she can READ! haha. Sooooo for the first year in the Catholic Church I have been practicing away on the hymns, learning the Mass musical responses, etc.

Things are said about my enthusiasm, people say, “oh she’s ‘on fire’” but I’m not finding a place of service. I had volunteered recently in music ministry and was politely turned away today. The music director had acted like he was helpful, but right before I played the piano with him today, (he was on the organ), he disconncted the digital piano from the P.A. system. 🤷:eek: (This was certainly his right to do, he is the music director but it really did feel awkward. I played last week also and when I found out the digital piano was disconnected, I thought it was a mistake. But then this morning it was done right in front of me.)

What started me thinking is that recently I had gone to another parish on a weekngith that offered an Ascension Press Bible study (Bible Timeline), and I went there because my girlfriend wanted to go. Because I’m not known there, I was welcomed with open arms and put to work as a group discussion facilitator when I volunteered when the leader of the Bible Study asked for volunteers. I’m enjoying that too.

But that is where I started noticing there is a different treatment between the two places, and I just don’t feel the same welcome at my parish.

I’ve given this thought and prayer, and I would hope you would think and pray also before responding. I have wondered if maybe at some point I wouldn’t belong or fit in better at a parish where it isn’t known I have only been a Catholic since 2009. Oh, also, it is known at my parish I have longed to be Catholic since 1985 and have studied everything since that time – needless to say by the time I crossed the Tiber…I was very ready. I also did it in answer to God’s Call to His Church, the fullness of Christ’s truth for Christians, and did so at personal cost of course (but I don’t count the personal cost as loss but GAIN for God’s glory).

I wonder if anyone else has encountered this or has ever thought about this or heard about this?

I will not be discussing this with ANYone at my parish since I think in parishes and churches there is always plenty of going on and people like to talk and gossip. If it were known I feel this way in my parish, I have friends who would be upset and be knocking on office doors…and I don’t think that is a good idea. The pastor, priests, music director have enough to do without answering this question.

So…I thought maybe I could get some viewpoint here. Thank you in advance for your prayerful response. And please do keep me in your prayers, I’m a little sad about this. (I’ll get over that too 🙂 )
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Once Catholic, you’re Catholic. Period.
 
Greetings!

as a Music Ministry Director, I would guess that your director doesn’t care for the way the piano and the organ sound together…and I can certainly understand that,if that is the case. The two instruments “lead” voices quite differently…and due to the percussive nature of the piano, the director may be concerned that the voices will tend to follow you rather than the organ/director!

Historically, the organ is the preferred instrument of Liturgy in the Catholic Church… In fact, we are instructed by the Church fathers to give the organ special preferrence over the piano as much as possible… Unfortunately, many (if not most) parishes cannot afford a fineorgan (like our parish!!)… Your parish is Blessed to have one!

Your director may be trying to encourage you on the one hand by allowing you to participate, but also may be trying to keep it all under his/her control… again, I understand that…although it would be nice to talk about it with you.

If you’re up to it, maybe you can ask to learn some basic organ accompaniment? To play the organ well takes years and years (of course), but with your knowledge of piano, you may be able to learn how to adequately accompany on the organ in time… then, perhaps you may be used to cover other Mass(es)? It’s always good to have a "pinch hitter"available!!

I would encourage you to discuss it with the director… not in a confrontational way, but simply to better understand how she/he feels your music ministry may be able to best utilize your gifts for music… I would also encourage you to pray for humility. You bring a wealth of experience and knowledge…that is wonderful! We must also be obedient in our service. And remember, that nothing ever stays the same… that is, you may find yourself in a situation where you are in a parish that does not have an organ, and they are in need of an accomplished pianist/accompanist to help lead Liturgy. This experience may be preparing you to be able to do so… When I played in bar bands for years and years, I had no idea at the time that that experience was preparing me to do precisely that!

God Bless you…

bob~
 
Sometimes, as the OP said, there is a hierarchy to break through at churches, certainly not limited to Catholic parishes. Sometimes egos are involved, “power trips”, etc.

However, on the flip side, some of us who have been involved in parish ministires for some time have experienced situations where the zeal burns out quickly, and people who initially have unbridled enthuisasm end up becoming less involved as the work gets perhaps a little more routine or mundane. The Lord’s work, as we all know, is not always exciting. 😃

Not to suggest anything about the OP or support the power trips and egos…

Two suggestions to the OP:
  1. Keep at it. Once you “break into the hierarchy” you’ll have more than enough to do. Right or wrong, such hierarchies aren’t going to go away.
  2. Or, if you feel you’re up against a brick wall, look at another parish. Not all parishes are as stand-offish with “newbies” as others. At our parish, for example, we try to encourage new members and RCIA grads to get involved in parish work ASAP, “striking while the iron is hot” so to speak.
  3. Lastly, keep in mind that such people in the positions in the “hierarchy” may feel “threatened”, because they’ve worked long and hard to be doing what they’re doing and don’t really want to do anything else…or maybe don’t have the gifts to do anything else…and are reluctant to turn over the reigns to someone else, newbie or not.
 
Junebug999 said:
Hi there. I think I perceive that in trying to find a place of service in my parish, that there is sort of a hierarchy where you are not as welcome because you are “new.” Sometimes it seems those in charge of various things are sort of territorial about this also. Now that does surprise me, because for instance in my parish that serves thousands of families, there are VERY few people (couple or few hundred at most) who do all the work (we run about 8 Masses each Sunday). I’d think they would be happy to sign up someone who voluntered.

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first, Welcome Home!
my parish is in south Texas, ask for me by name and you will be offered a choice of a dozen ways to serve within the first 5 minutes

the answer to your question is that same as “how long is RCIA?”
it takes as long as it takes to go from “new” to “rookie” to “journeyman” and so forth

that is not a problem of the Church hierarchy per se (although many lay parish leaders think they are part of it) but of certain parishes, and not limited to Catholic congregations. I hear various local Protestant colleagues complain about the same thing all the time.

It is called SSPE syndrome – the Same Six People who do Everything

there may also be regional and cultural reasons why in this parish or congregation newcomers are not welcome readily and incorporated into activities but IMO this is the biggest. For instance, here in the culture which is basically Mexican, family life is very strong–a good thing–but it means so many activities and events are family centered, and involved only extended family members, that some ministries take on that character as well. For instance our parish pro-life group is largely the work of one family. If theydon’t do it, nobody else does, nor is it easy for non-family members to get involved in the excellent work they are trying to do.

It happens in older established parishes where newcomers are often transient as well, as in a bedroom suburb where there is a large turnover of residents due to job or military transfers. The ones who stick around get to run everything.

look for your niche and start to first establish friendships, and tag along people who should be “sponsors”, that is, those who bring the neophyte or new convert along with them to the ministries and events they attend, as your friend is going by bringing you to bible study.

Don’t be surprised if you end up actually joining and getting involved in another parish. In some parishes the culture is actually toxic to newcomers. Those parishes end up dwindling and decaying as the SSPE get old, retire, or die and no one has ever been trained or encouraged to take their place.

Our own parish is under a transition as not only are we in the midst of a capital campaign for the church and school, but for some reason–hard to fathom with the economy as it is–a lot of new, solid professionals with young families are moving in. We have a UT branch, hospitals and HQs of several over-the-border companies located here, which is part of the reason I guess. Many of them are from other countries so our culture is rapidly diversifying from 90% Hispanic to 50-60%, and so many of the newcomers are very orthodox, traditionally minded Catholics. Our TLM at a neighboring parish is growing in attendance btw because of them.

We have found it is hard to “plug” people in to an existing ministry so in come cases interested parties have done an end-run around the old guard and simply started new groups and endeavors. A newcomer started Endow for Women, and another newcomer started That Man is You, for instance, with the pastor and bishop’s blessings, and they have become popular to an extent I never would have predicted in the parish I joined 8 years ago. Another group found it very hard to “infiltrate” our parish’s established charitable outreach who also has entrenched leadership, so they started their own. They do not compete or try to, they simply offer other services and fill needs that were previously unmet here.

You sound like a mover and shaker who might become one of the new leadership guard. Make yourself known to the pastor, deacon, DRE and other staff. Show up–at least here that will virtually guarantee you an assignment in the next project–and please, please please consider assisting with CCD, RE, PSR whatever it is called in your parish. The need is endless and IMO new Catholics are the best catechists because they are still on fire, and they have undergone that conversion experience which is critical to this ministry.

as far as your personal experience, such as with the music ministry, simply ask the director about his actions in an inquisitive, not judgemental or complaining way. maybe there is a problem with the sound system and both instruments don’t work well together, or the songs have been planned a certain way for certain instruments, and you weren’t told because you are not let in the loop. Let him know you want to be in the loop. ask to “audition” so he knows your skills and range, don’t expect him to know your abilities off the top. volunteer to do music for funerals, weddings and other events where he can’t always be there, ask to be instructed on the electronics, logistics and other aspects, and so forth.
 
It does sound like too many people at the parish you did the RCIA at knows too much about your faith journey. I also think as long as you think you are the “new” Catholic, people are going to think that way as well. Most people that have to move because of a job transfer have similar experiences as you are having, its not just unique to a convert. Even cradle Catholics sometimes experience what you are if they suddenly decide to volunteer for a ministry they’ve never participated in before. Any person that joins a group changes the dynamic of a group and there is always a period of adjustment.
 
Congrats on making the swim across the Tiber!

I heard quite often in RCIA that some cradle Catholics often feel a little fear toward converts, as the converts are on fire for Christ and His Church…and the cradle Catholics are left with their old familiarity and sense of the mundane. I hope your Parish does some kind of a “service role” Sunday where they let the congregation know of opportunities to serve their Parish. It may only happen once/year, though.

My wife had only been attending her old Parish for a few months…6 at the most…when a “service role” Sunday came around. She said she was interested in a few roles, including music and lectern. She is now on the rotating schedule for Mass readings. I hope you are able to meet enough people and be seen enough to get through whatever glass ceiling that exists at your Parish.

-Mark
 
=ConstantineTG;7221387]There are as many personalities as there are many people. When I went for Divine Liturgy in an Eastern Catholic Parish, I was so warmly welcomed. I haven’t been as welcomed in most other Roman Catholic Parishes I have been. But that doesn’t mean Roman Catholics are snobish, its just that perhaps the personalities in the parishes I have been to aren’t as warm and as welcoming. I went to another Eastern Catholic Parish where I was completely ignored.
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You have been blessed with a zeal and its good that you have found a place to serve. Perhaps God really wants to lead you there. Reflect on the words of Jesus when he said that a prophet is never welcomed in his homeland. Perhaps the familiarity of being a new Catholic is clouding the perception of other people in that parish, and the fresh start that you are getting is exactly the situation for you.
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WELCOME HOME FRIEND!

Bypass ALOT of the polotics and go directly to your ***Parish Director of Religious Education. ***

Meet persoanlly with this person and humbly SEEK THERE assistance in placing you where there is a need that your qualifid to fill.

Contine to learn our faith; what we bleive and WHY. participate in Bible study and other other educational programs.

May God Bless and guiode you!
 
Junebug999 said:
I wonder if anyone else has encountered this or has ever thought about this or heard about this?
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I know what you’re talking about. It happened to me.

I joined a parish, and tried to volunteer. I never received a call back from any of the groups. I went to one potluck. If one kind lady hadn’t taken pity on me, I’d have eaten alone. I volunteered for Perpetual Adoration, which I had done at my old parish. The coordinator tried to force me to take another time slot. Even though, I had told her repeatedly, I was only available at my chosen time slot. Finally, I had to tell her, I couldn’t do it.

I, like you, took the The Great Adventure Timeline at another parish. I was so welcomed to the class. I went to a couple of Masses, and made a decision. I joined the welcoming parish. I sent an e-mail to the the unwelcoming parish, told them, I was joining another parish. I have never heard from them.

At my new parish, I’m the Parish historian, a member of the Altar Guild, back-up office help, taking a class on St. John’s gospel, and have attended several lectures at the church on various Catholic topics.

I bear no ill will toward the unwelcoming parish. We were just not a good fit. I hope and pray for the best for them.

I am much happier where I am now. I hope, you find a good fit for you. 🙂
 
Hopefully a long long time, until you die. We need to love God (and His Church) with the love of our youth!!

Always new, always more.
 
Let’s see, I’ve been catholic for right at three years and it has really been just in the last year or so that I feel REALLY connected and involved at my parish. Like you I was very involved at my previous church, often infairly visible ways so it washard to jump straight from that to not really knowing anyone and only minimal involvement.

It may take a bit to work your way up the “ladder” too. I started for the first six months or so just being an assistant in a religious ed class, which considering how much I love teching RE was hard, but then the next year I got my own class and have gone “up” from there. You may have to start with just singing in the choir and qorking your way “up.”

I also think parish size could be a factor. My parish is also quite large and that can be good as there is a lot going on to get involved in, but it can also make it harder. A lot of the ministries can be a bit cliquish, not on purpose, but those are the people you see and get to know, so it can be harder for new people to get in with the group.

I vote keep being patient and keep trying to find your fit. By my count anyway, you have another couple of years before you will have “made it.” 😉
 
Another couple of years before you have “made it?” Are you kidding me? The church is a family , not a high school popularity or talent contest. The poster was a Protestant before converting, a “separated brethren” with a lot of ministry experience. So she should have a year of preparation to become Catholic and then a few more years of “testing” before being able to serve and be trusted in the Parish? Ridiculous and disrespectful to those who come into the church as Christians.

We are talking about the family of God in the Church Christ founded. It shouldn’t be a place of cliques and worldly type competition. We should love each other and be friendly. And be friendly even especially to outsiders who don’t yet understand about Christ. There’s nothing wrong with being friendly and respecting the Mass at the same time.

It sounds like you have a lot to offer. Sometimes it can take time to find our place. I hope that things work out at your parish for you to serve or that you change parishes.
 
rebecca123 said:
Another couple of years before you have “made it?” Are you kidding me? The church is a family , not a high school popularity or talent contest. The poster was a Protestant before converting, a “separated brethren” with a lot of ministry experience. So she should have a year of preparation to become Catholic and then a few more years of “testing” before being able to serve and be trusted in the Parish? Ridiculous and disrespectful to those who come into the church as Christians.
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If you will note the 😉 at the end of my last comment, signifing that is is at least partly not serious. If you read my post carfully you will also see that I am not a cradle catholic but came into the Church as a “separated brethren.” I would also like to see where I compared the church to a “high school popularity contest.”

All I’m saying that in any group of people, it takes time to feel your way around and find where you fit in. It isn’t “testing” it is just a fact of life. Some people and ministries we click with and some we don’t. That isn’t saying anything bad about anyone, it just says we are all different. And we don’t usually imediately find those that we click with. It takes time. 🤷
 
I thank Our Lord for all of you and your sweet and heartfelt responses and support. You have given me lots to think about. And I am seeking God’s direction in all of this of course. For the time being, I have sitting tight where I am, careful to be faithful to my current responsibilities. I’m in an Exodus study on Tuesday night in my parish, and on Thursday nights I put clean tablecloths on the RCIA tables, and put a candle on, and set up a table with Crucifix, Candles, and Bible. And after, I pick that stuff up and put it away and bring home the tablecloths and wash them for the next week.

So, and on the music, I’m going to be there for the meetings, and not push myself on the current music director. I’m also going to do the reading that has been suggested in a liturgy forum thread, and of course keep practicing. I play piano and organ, and so I will keep current with music supplements that come out, and just see what happens.

If at some point Our Lord decides he needs me to do something I’m sure He will have someone open the door (so to speak) and tell me. I’m not going to push myself on this situation. I have been thinking maybe my enthusiasm was annoying someone…HAHA…so I’ll just be cool and see what happens.

God Will Provide all we need, including what work we need to do in His Church.

Your stories about how you found your way in ministry, and the stories where you might have had a struggle being new were encouraging to me also.

I liked the humor also.

If someone asks me to pray for them for a “something (fill in the blank)…” I always pray that "God’s will be done in their life according to their desire for the “something”, and that they be OPEN to God’s will being done in their life about the “something”.

So, that’s what I pray for this also: “Father, may your will be done in my life about my desire to be involved in teaching and music ministry, and may I always be open to your will about teaching and music ministry. Amen.”

Thank you again for your Christian charity and support to me. And…by the way, did I say in my original posting how MUCH I love Catholic Answers? CA has just been myh Catholic Buddy through my whole process of coming to the Church, and being involved in the Church. It is a buddy that is there 24/7 to answer questions…and yes, at times entertain!

God bless you and yours in your day.
 
Junebug999 said:
…
Thank you again for your Christian charity and support to me. And…by the way, did I say in my original posting how MUCH I love Catholic Answers? CA has just been myh Catholic Buddy through my whole process of coming to the Church, and being involved in the Church. It is a buddy that is there 24/7 to answer questions…and yes, at times entertain!

God bless you and yours in your day.
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Nice work, Junebug, in considering our responses, continuing with what you are doing, and handing it back to God! 🙂

And, yes, CA is a wonderful resource. Thankyou for your contributing with this question.

~ Edmundus
 
May I also suggest to OP, and to anyone who has been involved in certain favorite ministries for a long time, to remain open to the Holy Spirit who may be calling you to something new, untried, even a bit intimidating.

ONe thing we old-timers need to do is avoiding becoming entrenched in ministry. This is actually one of the demons of ministry classic Catholic spiritual direction warns against. We think “nobody can do this as well as I can, nobody else knows what I know, I built this ministry, I OWN it, it is MINE.” you can see the troubled road this thinking leads to.
 
One thing I will add, besides Junebug handling this all very well, is that be careful what you pray for! lol

I wanted to be a part of my parish b/c I love being involved in the Church and donating my time. I bit off more than I can chew!! My church is VERY open to volunteers and we are a VERY large Parish. I am a CCD instructor and a lector. The lectoring is fine but the CCD is NOT my cup of tea. I LOVE teaching the faith but not with 4th graders. Dealing with younger children after teaching college is too much of a culture shock. I have resigned myself to offer up this experience for the souls in Purgatory. I think I might help a few of them by trying to reign in my frustrations and temper 😛

The DRE said she was in desparate need of a 4th grade instructor, so even though I wanted to teach at least 8th/9th or adult I took 4th grade. I knew that since I was new I couldn’t make demands and felt this was an opportunity from God.

Whew! It is only an hour and 15 min but :banghead:

As a convert I have a tendency to be over zealous with wanting to volunteer and I get overwhelmed. I used to be a part of the choir as well.

I have made it a resolution to try and calm down!

Best wishes with finding your niche but when the flood gates do open be aware of your mental limits! When God gives he gives A LOT! 😃
 
I have been Catholic for three years. I am a Board member and a Cathechist teacher. I love reading books on Theology and History of the Church. I am not trying to sound prideful because I know how little I actually know, but frankly if anyone other than the priests at my Parish has a larger knowledge base I havent found them.

Yet I to, am still the NEW Catholic. When in some kind of group I bring up an advanced theological point they think its cute that the new guy knows that.

But dont worry about it, its not a big deal.
 
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