How much is too much?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kell-Kell
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
K

Kell-Kell

Guest
I need some advice on how to keep my marriage. My husband and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary last month. It has been ten years of ups and downs. We have three beautiful children and I want to do everything possible to keep us a family. My husband has an alcohol addiction and I believe a sex addiction. For the past ten years I have forgiven and moved on with issues like internet porn (which he has used our credit card for), passing out drunk on the sofa while he was suppose to be watching our 5 month old daughter, and getting a DUI on his way home from work 8 months ago. He has been sorrowful for these things so I always seem to pick up the pieces and forget about it.
Just recently I found out while me and the kids were away overnight to visit family, he was calling escort services through the night. I found this out because he left his cell phone home by accident, and with me not always trusting him checked out his calls. I felt like I was punched in the stomach. When he came home I searched his car and found 2 outdated condoms and 3 porn dvd’s that were just purchased. He swears to me he never had sex with anyone but me, but as you can see I am having a hard time believing anything he says. He is staying with his mom right now. I feel so hurt and betrayed and I don’t know what to do. I am a practicing Catholic and would like to hear from anyone who has some advice.
 
Your husband needs professional help. This is something he can’t beat by himself, no matter how hard he tries. I’m sure he’s very sincere when he apologizes, but you are right not to trust him. There are 12 step groups for both alcoholism (AA) and sex addiction. Maybe you can find a resource on the net. Also, seek some support for yourself, like Al-Anon. Speak with your priest and ask for a referral to a good therapist. Marriage counseling will be a must when he is in recovery from his addictions. Meanwhile know that you are in my prayers. I will offer my Mass & Holy Communion for your intentions tomorrow. Above all, keep close to Our Lord and His Mother.

Peace,
Linda
 
To add to LindaS’ advice, you might also want to check out Steve Woods web page at www.dads.org. This is the St. Joseph’s Covenant Keepers. On the front page, in about the middle, you can click on “Help for those struggling with pornography.” There are many resources here for pornography. I’ve heard Steve Woods speak about pornograhy as being one of the most difficult addictions to conquer because when one views such things a chemical is released in the brain and the image becomes permanently imbedded and can be recalled at any time in ones life.
In your prayers, and most especially at Mass, you must remember to specifically ask God to grant your husband the graces that he is in need of to overcome these addictions. It is only through the grace of God that we humans can do anything, especially in dealing with an addiction. In most things in life, we humans look to our own strengths in conquering things, but in reality, it is only God’s divine power that counts for everything, even our own strengths.If your husband believes in the power of prayer, he too must ask God for the graces which he is in need of. I’ve heard once that during the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, there are so many graces poured out to those who are properly disposed, but we fail to ask God for them and so they are not recieved. You need God’s graces also, so don’t forget to ask for yourself. Continue your prayer life and include visits to the Blessed Sacrament if you don’t already do that, along with the support groups available for these addictions.

I will keep you in my prayers at daily Mass
God bless
 
Like your walk with Christ… it’s a life sentence… but the kind you wouldn’t trade for all the money in the world… It’s like anything you worked your butt off for… how many times have you celebrated only after some very hard struggle… how does the song go… i could have missed the pain but i wouldn’t miss the dance… for me, marriage is a commitment to survive it… there’s no way i would have committed had i known the heartache that i would encounter… but, at the same time, life without her is unacceptable… not having my 4 children is unacceptable… in other words… if has far exceeded my expectations, but i’m not going to say it was easy… My wife is a saint… i wouldn’t push a watermelon out my butt for no man… at least not 4 times…

God sent me an angle… i’ll keep her if he will let me… you want to know one of the best parts for me… listening to her breath at night…

boy, i got to get outta here… gonna cry… :eek:
 
space ghost:
. My wife is a saint… i wouldn’t push a watermelon out my butt for no man… at least not 4 times…

God sent me an angel… i’ll keep her if he will let me… you want to know one of the best parts for me… listening to her breath at night…
Click to expand...
Space ghost, your comments about your wife are touching, and she’s lucky to have you. But I can’t let your comment about giving birth (I presume) go without comment. Having a baby is a privilege and an exciting, wonderful event. As the Bible says, as soon as the baby is born, the woman forgets all the pain she experienced in joy that a man is come into the world. I wish I could have done it more than just twice.
Please don’t describe it in such negative terms. Maybe you should ask your wife how she feels about the experience.
 
Hi Kel Kel;

I’m sorry you are going thru this. I will keep you in my prayers. I had an alcohol problem at one time. I’ve been sober now for 13 yrs. I didn’t have a sex addiction, but I did with alcohol. I agree your husband needs professional help. But you need help too. Have you talked to your priest about this? I had to hit a bad bottom with my drinking, and once it got my attention I got the appropriate help thru 12-step group. Have you thought of going to Alanon? It is a 12-step group that is for family and friends of alcoholics. That could be help for you. If your husband does not want help, I don’t think there’s much you can do for him except pray and get yourself help. God bless you and I will pray for you and your situation.
Sue
 
Thank you for all of your advice and prayers. I spoke to my priest and he gave me a number for help.God Bless!
 
Kell, ONE violation of your marriage covenant is too much.

Your husband does sound like he’s dealing with an addiction. That means you need help and so does he! The resources here were good, and I’m sure the ones your priest gave you are too. Get help and work hard to make HIM work hard.

Don’t feel like you’re doing something wrong. You are the defender of your marriage!!

There is a book–Every Man’s Battle–which helped my husband in his own struggles.(which, thank GOD, are in the past!!) There is a companion book for women…I didn’t find it too helpful because I felt like I could have WRITTEN the book.
Just remember–ONCE is too much. You are in the right. Stand strong, stand WITH your husband in his fight, and pray pray pray pray pray!!!
 
Dear Friend “Kell-Kell”

I feel your pain. Please tell your hubby to contact www.settingcaptivesfree.com; he is not desiring to lead a Christian life and that can be sooo disheartening. Believe me I know.

YOU must concentrate on being the wife God wants YOU to be. Period. This is your mission. Don’t lose sight of it. Stick to what you know about being a Godly wife. Pray for hubby. Believe me, with your most blessed prayers and encouragement, HE will come around. But you must insist he visit this web-site.

God Bless You~
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top