How much to give priest celebrating our Nuptial Mass?

[Little_Star]

Thanks to all who responded to my post regarding whether or not we should mail a wedding invitation to the priest who will be celebrating our wedding Mass.

BLB_Oregon’s response (see below) brought up another issue:

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What is obligatory is some sort of a stipend, preferably something that reflects the overall extravagance of your event. (Read: Don’t spend a ton on flowers and baubles for the flowergirl and then get cheap when expressing your appreciation the priest.)***

While we consider our wedding a formal affair (We are receiving a Sacrament, after all.), it will be relatively low-key-- only two attendants each, a guest list of about 200 people, a very family-friendly atmosphere. I’ve spent under $100 for my attendants’ gifts (including the flower girl), and our flower budget is next to non-existent as the groom’s stepmother is making all of the flowers.

We had already decided on a gift amount (half of the amount of the Church fee for having our wedding at my diocese’s co-cathedral), but I would feel more comfortable if there were some concrete guidelines.

Any thoughts?

 

[Della]

Ask the priest what stipend he usually receives. What he gets should have nothing to do with how big a wedding you are having. I ask this in all reasonableness with no desire to be in any way mean to you, dear bride: Was he responsible for that decision or did he decide how much you should spend on any part of the wedding? Most priests have a set stipend, but some will waive it or do not ask for one. So, just ask him and then you will have one less thing on your mind on your happy day.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

Della:

Ask the priest what stipend he usually receives. What he gets should have nothing to do with how big a wedding you are having. I ask this in all reasonableness with no desire to be in any way mean to you, dear bride: Was he responsible for that decision or did he decide how much you should spend on any part of the wedding? Most priests have a set stipend, but some will waive it or do not ask for one. So, just ask him and then you will have one less thing on your mind on your happy day.

This is good advice… what I wrote sounded like there is a sliding scale, which isn’t quite what I meant. I was referring to weddings which are almost shocking in their extravagance and yet offer little or nothing to the officiant or the parish church in which the nuptials are held–and very often the churches are truly in need of any financial help they can get. If money is tight, your gift may have to be small. If you are spending plenty, though, let your happiness be expressed in charity and appreciation, as well as music and roses.

If the officiant waives the stipend, by all means ask him what charity you might give something to. If the church turns down your offer of a financial gift of appreciation, I would be astonished. While some object that having your wedding in your home church is only your right, I am in the camp that says that happiness is best expressed in generosity.

On this subject… you might talk to someone at the altar society (or whoever is in charge of this) about which flowers (if any) you will be leaving. If they know you will be taking care of all or part of the church decoration for that weekend, it will save them the money (or trouble) of providing flowers. Also, fill them in on who they should contact on the day of the wedding and during the following week, should anything be left behind. (I am referring both to lost-and-found and anything you might have borrowed or rented from a florist.)

And do have a happy day! You sound like a very conscientious bride!

 

[Murphster]

I think it also depends on where you get married. I got married in a very big city and gave the priest $1000. This is apparently normal where I live.

I have friends, however, from very small towns who gave $150 and the priests were absolutely delighted.

 

[Little_Star]

However, it is customary in my area to offer the presiding priest a (monetary) gift as a “thank you” for his help and service.

My fiance and I are very thankful for all the help and guidance our priest has given us during the marriage prep process, and we believe that our offering expresses that gratitude.

Thanks for your replies. This sort of thing is not often spoken of, and it’s good to get some feedback.

God bless!

Della:

Ask the priest what stipend he usually receives. What he gets should have nothing to do with how big a wedding you are having. I ask this in all reasonableness with no desire to be in any way mean to you, dear bride: Was he responsible for that decision or did he decide how much you should spend on any part of the wedding? Most priests have a set stipend, but some will waive it or do not ask for one. So, just ask him and then you will have one less thing on your mind on your happy day.