How people decide what order to join?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Oren
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
O

Oren

Guest
I’m wondering if anyone can tell me what they think helps people decide what order to join when they’re contemplating becoming a monk or a nun. I have been contemplating this for a long time and it’s kind of beyond me how one decides where to go. I’ve looked at tons of sites and everything, and i’m on mailing list of convents to give me some of their material. Still i don’t know how people decide. It seems like everything is good with every order, so what is the determining factor? I’ve thought a lot about how, ok it’s really good to be contemplative and focus on prayer, but at the same it’s really good to focus on charity or mission work. I don’t understand how you pick between them? Any thoughts from anyone?
 
Dear friend

I only mean this playfully when I say this to you, but it amazes me how many people will ask another person, but they do not ask God. Ask the One who has called you to vocation. 🙂 Pray to the Holy Spirit, to Jesus and to God the Father, ask God to tell you where He wants you to be and pray ernestly for a long time.

Also look at your personality and your spirituality, see where that is best suited and ask the Sisters of different orders whether they feel you are suitable to their Community and charisms. Seek advice from your Priest, Confessor, Spiritual Director. If you are at this present time able to discuss this with family and friends and feel they will be supportive, ask them about yourself and where they could see you working for God, i.e. prayer/cloistered/active/contemplative/mission work/counselling/teaching/ etc etc

You might also like to make retreats with different orders and experience their day to day life and live their charisms for a while to see if they really are what you are called to.

God will indicate to you where you are supposed to serve Him and other people. Persevere in asking Him and He will lead you.

I will keep you in my prayers whilst you discern.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
I would bet for most people they met a nun, priest or brother who impressed them, and through them got to know the spirituality and charism of their order, and felt called to embrace it. Many of our children down here have never even met a sister (or if they have one at their parish do not realize it because they have no habits or distinguishing marks other than bad haircuts).
 
All I can do is share how I decided, or am deciding.

First in my discernment I knew that I wanted to be a religious priest and not a secular one. That was easy.

I then did some research, on line and by sending letters to various orders I had heard of. I went though what they said about themselves and what they did, their ministries. I also looked at their requirments.

That made my list shorter, either I did not feel called to them or what they did or I did not fit their requirements.

Next I talked to them, though letters, email, phone, visits. “Come and See” weekend retreats were good. I also talked with some people who I trust who know these orders about them.

From that I shortened my list even more.

The list was down to the Carmelite Province of the Most Pure Heart of Mary and the Franciscans of the Assumption BVM Province.

I visited the Carmelite vocation director at the parish he works at. Attended the Mass he celebrated and then went on a Vocations Retreat to Whitefriars Hall in Washington, DC, and met their seminary students. Over all it was great.

I spoke with the Vocations director for the Fransciscans, they have a group of Byzantine Friars, which I would be. I was not too crazy about the seminary they would end up sending me to and then I found out that all their Byzantine Friars are parish priests. I feel called to community and minstry. I am not against working in a parish but if I wanted to be alone in a parish I would be trying to be a secular priest.

So I have, for now, decided to go foward with the Carmelites. It also helps that one of my closest friends happens to be a bi-ritual Carmelite priest and another friend is the same but neither of them steered me in this direction, they were very silent on the matter until I asked for their help/opinion.

Hope this helps!
 
All I can say is prayer and Addoration of the Blessed sacrament. That is whats going to help you discern, that an a good spiritual director, do you have one?
 
Tyler Smedley:
All I can say is prayer and Addoration of the Blessed sacrament. That is whats going to help you discern, that an a good spiritual director, do you have one?
Click to expand...
This is a very easy answer that really will not help with what the question was.

Also I find it troubleing that a lot of people out ther ealways though Addoration out as something necessary for those discerning a vocation.

I know many who have a heart attack when they find out that I do not attend daily Mass.

But as for the spiritual director. Yes that is a must for everyone discerning a vocation.
 
I have been told that when thinking about a vocation and specific orders, it is not that different than thinking about careers. I will probably only repeat information that you have heard.

Yeas, praying is good and having a spiritual director is useful, but there seems to be s tendency soem times to think relgiious life is different than secualr life in that we should only think about stereotypical “holy” approaches to discerning it.

Who has inspired you and why? What characterisits do you strive for and want to cultivate that are similar to your role models? and they need not only be ordained religious people.

What virtues and talents do you believe are your God given strengths (ability to interpret concepts so that every one can understand them, enthusiasm about what you believe and ability to transform these sentiments to others, linguistic abilities, talent for writing and or speaking and presnetations)?

What interests and hobbies do you have that might be constructively used to adovocate the creation of God’s kingdom in this life (an areas of justice that you feel called to rectify, music, traveling, contempliation alone or prayer with groups)?

What do you believe to be your personal weaknesses and vices, or not even something negative, but predispositiosn that you posses that might make certain forms of work awkward and incredibly frustrating for you (short temper, difficulty explaining things to people, uncomfortable when dealing with social situations or groups or particualr issues on which a certain minstry may focus)?

Examine the answers to these and similar questions, and you will know better who you are and who you want to be, and of course how that person can best serve God. Then you can search for religious communties that will be a good fit for you. It is never too early to talk to vocational directors to ask them questiosna about hwo they came to the decision that they were in the right place. Many love to share this information. Yes, you are looking for a place with them, but they too are looking for the right member for them, and are usually open about offering helpful advice.
 
Orders vary, but most are very open to have you come and spend some time with the community. Then there is a long period of discernment followed by, in some cases, temporary vows. There is no rush to make a decision in these matters as this is ment to be a lifetime decision.

May God bless and help all those who are open to a religious vocation.
Deacon Tony
 
I have seriously been considering becoming a monk or a friar. My choices have been limited by the reality of age. I turn 48 next week and my first choice, the Franciscans, are limited to 38 year olds.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite and join any order that will take a 48 year old, especially if I don’t get into their charism.

Yet I am so drawn to being a monk or a friar. I want to be more than just a secular member because I could do so much more with my college degree and life experiences.

So what do I do? Both the Trappists and Benedictines accept novitiates up to 59, but I am not as motivated to join those orders as I am the Franciscans.

So for me, the decision to join an order has been turned into a process of elimination. I can only choose to join an order which will accept my age group, and that is not a sincere choice.

I have no desire to be a diocese Priest or a Jesuit, so I am still researching the various orders.
 
byzcath posted: ’ This is a very easy answer that really will not help with what the question was.’

i heartily disagree. i’ve had so many illuminations and divine promptings while in eucharistic adoration that it makes your comment that it ‘won’t help’ almost amusing.

i can tell you, oren, that spending time with different orders is a good way to discern. i’ve gone to multiple discernment retreats and met with spiritual directors and gone to confession with priests of several different orders, and i get a sense when i’m with them whether or not my gifts and interests and temperament and so forth would ‘jive’ with their order.

there is a wonderful franciscan man who comes to our church every monday for confession and to say mass. he is one of the delights of my life. his example and our conversations alone have half-convinced me that i would love being a franciscan.

however, i am headed to grand coteau, louisiana in august to spend two years living with the Jesuits to discern a calling there. i’ve been to numerous discernment retreats with the Jesuits, and their work corresponds perfectly with my gifts and interests. plus, i know several Jesuits with whom i’m very close, and from whom i’ve learned alot.

above all, of course, pray. but while you’re praying, i’d suggest meeting priests from the orders you’re considering and spending lots of time with them.

i can’t say it’s foolproof - i did get through, fool that i am. 🙂 but i would say it’s very helpful.
 
40.png
jeffreedy789:
eeting priests from the orders you’re considering and spending lots of time with them.
Click to expand...
I don’t think meeting priests is that helpful if you are trying to discern a place as a nun, because they won’t be able to give you as direct a perspective or what type of life you’ll be living.
 
neither is ‘eeting’ them. 😉

sorry, i should have been gender inclusive. priests OR nuns. if you’re a female, you should obviously visit nuns and spend time with THEM to see with which order you’re most compatible.

for instance, our parish has a ‘nun run’ every year where eligible young ladies can visit several ‘nunneries’ (pardon me, my shakespeare is showing) and see where they might fit.

even if your parish doesn’t have this (i don’t think most do), you can visit convents online and seek permission to visit and spend time with the community. i would think, with vocations in decline as they have been for awhile, that most orders would welcome seekers.
 
There’s been some great points made here, but one which hasn’t been answered;

Where do women find nuns?

I am female (not obvious from my handle), and while I won’t say I’m discerning, I am considering the fact that religious life is a viable option.

I’ve gone to the kiosks at my church, and I’ve looked at our vocations webpage…but it’s centered on priests. There are very few links to women’s vocations, and those that exist in my area are centered on very liberal social=justice-non-habited sisters who can’t be obviously identified. I KNOW I would not fit in because they dress better than I do and their hair is shorter.

Never mind the fact that I tend to lean towards the traditional and won’t consider an order that does not wear habits.

There are very few visible nuns where I live. I met one once, but I have no idea what she does, who she is, where she came from or why she’s here. I know she’s from India, but that’s it. I’ve seen her at adoration and sat next to her at daily Mass once and we shared a song book.

Why are nuns not more visible? Why is there no push for womens’ vocations?

I have to ask why my archdiocese doesn’t “advertise” for more convents and if other archdioceses’ are experiencing the same lack of information.

That may be the answer…it’s difficult to research because the information is not so readily at our fingertips. We KNOW where to find our priests…but we have no idea how to contact the nuns nearest our community.

I can give you phone numbers for convents in New York and Georgia, but ask me about Minnesota and I’ll only shrug.
 
40.png
jeffreedy789:
byzcath posted: ’ This is a very easy answer that really will not help with what the question was.’

i heartily disagree. i’ve had so many illuminations and divine promptings while in eucharistic adoration that it makes your comment that it ‘won’t help’ almost amusing.
Click to expand...
All I can say is that this is your experience. I do not think anyone, other than a spiritual director, should be telling anyone discerning a vocation what they should be doing.
 
Kevin Walker:
I have seriously been considering becoming a monk or a friar. My choices have been limited by the reality of age. I turn 48 next week and my first choice, the Franciscans, are limited to 38 year olds.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite and join any order that will take a 48 year old, especially if I don’t get into their charism.

Yet I am so drawn to being a monk or a friar. I want to be more than just a secular member because I could do so much more with my college degree and life experiences.

So what do I do? Both the Trappists and Benedictines accept novitiates up to 59, but I am not as motivated to join those orders as I am the Franciscans.

So for me, the decision to join an order has been turned into a process of elimination. I can only choose to join an order which will accept my age group, and that is not a sincere choice.

I have no desire to be a diocese Priest or a Jesuit, so I am still researching the various orders.
Click to expand...
I see that St. Francis is slowly winning your heart. We had a fellow in our Secular order that wanted to be in a regular order. He was over 60 years old. As you said, they would not take him. But guess what? He went to a special seminary program for older men and is now a parish priest and still a Secular Franciscan!
Don’t give up,Deacon Tony
 
40.png
JCPhoenix:
There’s been some great points made here, but one which hasn’t been answered;

Where do women find nuns?

I am female (not obvious from my handle), and while I won’t say I’m discerning, I am considering the fact that religious life is a viable option.

I’ve gone to the kiosks at my church, and I’ve looked at our vocations webpage…but it’s centered on priests. There are very few links to women’s vocations, and those that exist in my area are centered on very liberal social=justice-non-habited sisters who can’t be obviously identified. I KNOW I would not fit in because they dress better than I do and their hair is shorter.

Never mind the fact that I tend to lean towards the traditional and won’t consider an order that does not wear habits.

There are very few visible nuns where I live. I met one once, but I have no idea what she does, who she is, where she came from or why she’s here. I know she’s from India, but that’s it. I’ve seen her at adoration and sat next to her at daily Mass once and we shared a song book.

Why are nuns not more visible? Why is there no push for womens’ vocations?

I have to ask why my archdiocese doesn’t “advertise” for more convents and if other archdioceses’ are experiencing the same lack of information.

That may be the answer…it’s difficult to research because the information is not so readily at our fingertips. We KNOW where to find our priests…but we have no idea how to contact the nuns nearest our community.

I can give you phone numbers for convents in New York and Georgia, but ask me about Minnesota and I’ll only shrug.
Click to expand...
Could you possibly get away for a weekend? There are many Orders of Nuns and I’m sure some in your area. Contact your diocese vocations director.
Deacon Tony
 
40.png
JCPhoenix:
There’s been some great points made here, but one which hasn’t been answered;

Where do women find nuns?
Click to expand...
This is true and very sad. That’s why I recommended trying to meet with nuns, since Oren said she was writing convents,becuase the priests I have met have been fairly helpeless.They know very little about women’s relgiious communitites.

My local priestssaid contact the bishiop’s office.I couldn’t even get an sort of response from my Bishop’s office at the dioscese. I call they say email. I email and get no response. Then I call and they say email us again. There are links for men’s vocation ont he wed bite. Nothing for women. No office of women’s ministry. Nothing. They don’t care. they say pray for vocations, but they mean only priests.

I have found that some times vocational directors know other vocational directors, so talking to people has been the best help for me. I find names at random by doing google searches on the web. email them that I think i have a calling,. this is what I think God is telling me to do with my life…if they don’t feel that I would be a match for them, or due to student loans could not join them before I reach maximum age, then they some times can refer me to other places that might work better. It seems to be a networking game, that takes a lot of time and affort.

Once some said contact a priest for this particuarly community becuase he should know women’s communities there. They had an email address. So I wrtie him a long messge about who I am that I was looking for women’s communitties somewhere that did something. He sent me an information package for priests. And then emailed me back asking for a meeting. I guess he sdidn’t read my detailed email message.

I tried calling him, but it was one fo those know the extension of leave a message deals, and I had no extension. I left a message it wasn’t returned. I emailed him and thanked him for the materisla but said (again) that I was a woman looking for this particualr community he was known to work with, and some one recommended that I contact him. I emailed him this question twice.

His secretary emailed me about a month after me last email and asked if she could have the materials back that he sent me to save them them the loss of the cost. That she was sorry but they don’t have advice for women. This was despite a friend of his referred me to him. And they were Franciscans, and I thought Franciscans were suppose to be jolly and helpful.
 
Lots of good ideas here. The only thing I can add is my opwn experiences. the only things that have not been mentioned would be silent retreats. I found them helpful in my own discernment process.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top