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PelagiathePenit
Guest
Some say you can not help how you feel. Some people say you choose how you feel. But if that is true, why don’t people choose to be happy all the time?
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Ad_Orientem
Guest
It’s not that black-and-white. We exercise a certain degree of control over our emotions, but it is not direct or complete, especially in our fallen condition. Thoughts pass through our minds, and feelings through our souls without our wishing it; but we can choose to encourage them or not. We can also choose how we view reality, i.e. our attitude, which dramatically affects our feelings. To some extent we can also choose to what we expose ourselves, which also affects our emotions.
Take falling in love, for example. You feel attracted to someone. If you want, you can do your best to ignore this attraction, or you can take pleasure in it and nurture it. You can choose to spend more time around that person, or not. Suppose you consent to the attraction and spend time with this person. If you fall in love, okay, you didn’t have immediate and perfect control over that – falling in love is, of its nature, “out of control”; but you did make choices which led up to it. I’m not saying it is *always *the result of our own choices, but I think it is more often than not.
Take falling in love, for example. You feel attracted to someone. If you want, you can do your best to ignore this attraction, or you can take pleasure in it and nurture it. You can choose to spend more time around that person, or not. Suppose you consent to the attraction and spend time with this person. If you fall in love, okay, you didn’t have immediate and perfect control over that – falling in love is, of its nature, “out of control”; but you did make choices which led up to it. I’m not saying it is *always *the result of our own choices, but I think it is more often than not.
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Bradski
Guest
You can choose to see the glass as half full or half empty.
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oldcelt
Guest
I agree. As someone who deals with chronic pain I truly believe that my attitude has a substantial impact on the pain. It certainly doesn’t eliminate the pain, but it makes the day in general much more tolerable.
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Allegra
Guest
I think that some people naturally have more control of their feelings then others. Some people are really intune with what makes them feel good or bad and know how to deal with stress in appropriate ways. Other people are not as aware and don’t have as much control.
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Bonnie
Guest
Mental or physical illness can affect how you feel. For instance, I’m diabetic. Once my blood glucose levels were under control, I realized I was no longer depressed and angry. It’s amazing! Any time I go off my diet, I start feeling depressed and finding fault with my poor long-suffering husband. Back on the diet - I feel great! 
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jmcrae
Guest
They’re called “feelings” because they tell you something about what’s going on around you, just as your sense of touch tells you whether something is hot, or cold, or rough, or smooth.
Telling someone to feel happy all the time would be something like telling someone to feel smooth surfaces all the time. Not going to happen.
Sometimes you will feel fear - this tells you there is danger near by.
Sometimes you will feel angry - this tells you that an injustice has taken place.
Sometimes you will feel jealous - this tells you that you are feeling a lack of acceptance, or a lack of love in your life.
If the feeling has no apparent outward cause, then there may be a medical issue, and that has to be examined, as well. For example, sadness could be caused by a loss of some kind, or it could be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. If the latter, then appropriate medication is indicated; if the former, then stay away from drugs; they won’t help.
When you feel something, you need to discern what it is exactly you are sensing - why is this feeling coming to you, and what is the root cause? Once you figure out what’s going on, you can deal with it, and feel happy again.
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Gertabelle
Guest
My thought has always been that a person can’t necessarily control their feelings, but a person does have quite a bit of control over how he/she reacts to those feelings.
For example, I have fairly frequent panic attacks (hands shaking, heart racing, intense feelings of dread and, well, panic) – but knowing that the feelings are just feelings, that my loved ones and I are not in danger, etc., helps me remain a functioning human being at those times. I can’t control the feelings during those moments, but I have developed the ability to control my reaction to them.
I love what AO says below as well – that emotions can be encouraged or discouraged through our actions. Brilliant!
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JimG
Guest
Because it’s hard work. I’ve always heard that if you let your emotions control you, they will; but if you act as if you felt some other way, your actions will cause more positive emotions to occur.
If you act confident, you will feel more confident. If you act happy, you will begin to feel happy. But it takes effort. I knew a lady who would simply not allow any bad feelings to overtake her. If they threatened to, she went out of her way to act happy and cheerful. As a result, she became happy and cheerful, and the positive feedback she got from others made her even more happy and cheerful. Both good feelings and bad feelings can be contagious.
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