How should I deal with this kind of thing?

[Maxwell03]

Well it all started about 3 years ago.

I uncovered the altar cover and put in the altar clothe because there was no ladies to do it, and mass will start in 30 minutes I also fixed the chalice and set upped the credence table.

About 10 minutes before the mass I was confronted by this old lady and scolded me for doing her job at first the only thing I said was sorry and didn’t state my reason for doing so and I thought she would’ve forgiven me by then. After mass she scolded me again at the sacristy after I helped put everything back in place and told me that I don’t need to put my nose in everything (tough luck for her I literally have a pointed nose while she doesn’t). Again I said sorry then she questioned me “Why did you do my job at the first place?” I told her calmly (OK I was about 12 then and was about to cry) “because nobody was there to set up the altar and credence table and there was only about 30 minutes before the mass and-” she cut me off stating that she doesn’t need us altar boys.

Until now she hates me and is starting to get on my nerves. A lot of people actually hate her but I really am trying not too!

So how do I deal with this kind of situation before I burst in anger (doesn’t often happen but if it does it usually end with one storming away out of shame, usually not me)

Advice please! I really need it especially today I’m about to got to mass in an hour and the last thing I don’t want to do is be angry while at mass

 

[MonteRCMS]

Just smile.

 

[Maxwell03]

I tried so many times but whenever I go inside the sacristy and get confronted by her because of me getting a certain vessel of linen my nerves fail and smile falter away

Then I heard she’s spreading rumors about me with the other ladies that help iron and wash the clothes. Luckily non of them believe her

 

[MaryT777]

I would pray for her; perhaps she struggles with issues in her life that makes her this way; please try to not let her attitude ruin your love for assisting with the Mass.

God Bless you!~

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Just pray for her and try to be kind to her. Let what she says go by. Part of being mature is not letting other people’s hangups bother you.

There are people who really need the sense of importance they feel from helping out at Church. This lady sounds like she is one of them.

If she is constantly berating the altar boys, perhaps you could speak to the priest and get advice on how best to handle it. Maybe he could give the lady another job to do so she could continue to feel important and needed but not have conflicts with you.

 

[Francis]

Say the forgiveness prayer, May be she didn’t receive any love from her childhood and have many hurt feelings or have some wounds of the heart to be healed.as the proverb goes we can’t get an old dog to do new tricks (didn’t intend to say to any one but only the current situation ),just obey her. God Bless

 

[Cruciferi]

Again I said sorry then she questioned me

I said was sorry and didn’t state my reason for doing so and I thought she would’ve forgiven me by then.

Don’t apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t expect forgiveness either.

she cut me off stating that she doesn’t need us altar boys.

Don’t help her. It’s not your problem. She clearly wants to do things her way.

So how do I deal with this kind of situation before I burst in anger

Do not confront her. Leave her perform her tasks without assistance. If she continues criticizing and harassing you, tell her you’ve had enough of her attitude and you’re talking with the Priest or whoever is in charge.

 

[Maxwell03]

I don’t want to stress our parish priest so I’ll go with our MC instead he has control over all the ministries that has something to do with the liturgy.

 

[pianistclare]

She’s the Sacristan. 30 minutes before Mass is not a disaster waiting to happen.
You butted in.
Church ladies have their routine. Yes, she is cranky. Yes, could have been nicer about it.
But you had no business doing that.
Leave her alone and she will leave you alone.
Ask Father to give you some other job to do…tell him you love the Mass and want to help.

 

[TheLittleLady]

there was no ladies to do it

Unless Father asks you to step in, rest assured that someone is doing the job.

I read a bit of disrespect in your words, “old lady” in this context reveals some lack of maturity at best.

Apologize to the woman. You were wrong. Ask her to forgive you. Get this resentment out of your heart.

 

[Maxwell03]

I don’t know how to properly refer to her I wouldve added sweet if she was but at all means I didn’t at all want to disrespect her and if it sounded disrespectful I’m very sorry. And thanks for the advice! I really need an advice from a different perspective

 

[JanetF]

Then I heard she’s spreading rumors about me with the other ladies that help iron and wash the clothes. Luckily non of them believe her

Remember that this says more about her than it does about you. Have faith that no one will believe her and that your true intentions will be revealed over time.

 

[Maxwell03]

I butted in during those times because and they were supposed to do it and hour before the mass so we could check things, I knew if I didn’t do it I would have to go to the sacristy again during mass if she forgets to lay some things that are essential and I don’t like it one bit to go down the sacristy (sacristy’s at the bottom floor main church at the second) especially when I’m the only server. Plus if something goes wrong we’re the ones being told off not them the priest’s expect more from us.

If you think what I did was wrong I really did felt it was wrong but had to do it especially now that I’m a senior everything must be shape so nothing would disrupt the liturgy or face the wrath during meetings

by the way thanks for the advice! at least you gave it straight to me

 

[paperwight]

I butted in during those times because and they were supposed to do it and hour before the mass so we could check things,

What! I have to say, if this rule about having Mass ready before it’s time to start is an official one, it is ridiculous! Are you sure you are not misinterpreting something?

Is the church locked until then? We wouldn’t dream of putting things out an hour before time, because of the risk of someone taking the silverware, not to mention a child or disturbed person meddling with the bread or wine… And having food out so early is not very appealing, either.

 

[Maxwell03]

the church isn’t locked before then there would ALWAYS when I say always I mean it! a person guarding like our I don’t know what he’s called but he’s the one incharge to make sure that

no. 1 the church is clean
no. 2 the mics are set up
no. 3 the doors are open
no. 4 everything about electricity

and there are always a few sweet elderly ladies that pray the rosary an hour before the mass, and a lector to arrange the readings. You consider that too early? it isn’t its just the right time especially because before mass there would be a novena or evening/morning prayer.

I’m sorry if I sounded too harsh or rude if I did I don’t mean too

and it isn’t a rule its just so nothing will be rushed especially the sacristy’s like under the church and some vessels are too heavy to carry if so ever rushing.

 

[Reuben_J]

Another way is to try to avoid on her path, where you don’t have to talk to her. Just stick to your role accordingly. Actually if you want to do that, you can. Those who serve in the liturgy can just come, do their duty and go back,

I know it is difficult if she has a bone to pick with you but you can consider her as one of those ‘old ladies’ and be kind to her anyway. You are young and she is old. You will probably outlive her. You will be going to stay longer if you decide to, There is really no point in fighting with her.

God bless.

 

[Crocus]

I have a good feeling about you. You just joined CAF. I hope you stay around, learn stuff from some of the wise people you meet here. Looking forward to see you grow and mature. Good job trying to serve our Church!

 

[Maxwell03]

Thanks you! I my main reason to join CAF is to study and deepen my understanding about the liturgy. But I’m surprised that there’s actually more that I can learn here!

 

[Crocus]

A tip. Make sure to reference the main site regularly to keep a balance. Sometimes perspectives this side can get really crazy.