How should I go about getting to know girls better?

[Mr_Ignatius]

Hi all,

I’ve met a few great girls through mutual friends, parties, camps/retreats over the past few weeks or so. I’d say I find a few to be attractive and some are Christian some are not. I’ve decided that it would be more prudent to pursue a Christian girl, or even better, a Catholic girl since my faith means so much to me.

Anyway if I want to get to know a girl better would something simple like a straight forward and honest “Let’s go for lunch/grab a coffee not as a date but as friends - it would be nice getting to know each other better” suffice?

There are more than 1 girl that I find interesting but would I seem like a player?
( I’ve heard about girls gossiping about a friend who did something similar )

Experienced and insightful people, what do you think? Girls how should a guy go about this?

Cheers

 

[on_the_hill]

Looks like you’re headed in the right direction. Proceed!

 

[Irishmom2]

Do not add on the part about “its not a date but as friends” or the part about “getting to know each other better.”

Both are obvious. It’s obvious it’s not a date if you are saying hey, want to grab some lunch to someone you don’t know well. And it’s obvious if you don’t know them well that it would be nice to get to know them better or you wouldn’t be asking them to share a meal or coffee.

No pronouncements are ever necessary actually. This is a date, is this a date or do you want to go on a date or anything along those lines are awkward and unnecessary.

It is easier to not have a date and just share a meal or a walk or whatever if these girls you met recently are girls you see at a friends house, church or school. If you ask them to join you when you see them there, its more casual and less pressured. You also can ask in person and not have to call or text at all.

Relax and don’t try too hard. Be prepared for girls to say no, it happens to everyone sometime. Just smile and say, “okay, maybe some other time then.”

And yes, please do not ask them by texting, do it using your very own voice!

 

[pianistclare]

Do not add on the part about “its not a date but as friends” or the part about “getting to know each other better.”

Both are obvious. It’s obvious it’s not a date if you are saying hey, want to grab some lunch to someone you don’t know well. And it’s obvious if you don’t know them well that it would be nice to get to know them better or you wouldn’t be asking them to share a meal or coffee.

No pronouncements are ever necessary actually. This is a date, is this a date or do you want to go on a date or anything along those lines are awkward and unnecessary.

It is easier to not have a date and just share a meal or a walk or whatever if these girls you met recently are girls you see at a friends house, church or school. If you ask them to join you when you see them there, its more casual and less pressured. You also can ask in person and not have to call or text at all.

Relax and don’t try too hard. Be prepared for girls to say no, it happens to everyone sometime. Just smile and say, “okay, maybe some other time then.”

And yes, please do not ask them by texting, do it using your very own voice!

yup.

No one is going to accuse you of being a “player”.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

A simple “Hey, you wanna grab some lunch?” Will be fine, don’t ramble on. You aren’t a player for going to lunch with different girls. You are a player when you drag multiple girls along.

I’m fine with someone shooting me a text asking if I want to hangout, especially if we are just friends. If it was a real date, I wouldn’t want to be asked via text.

And already have a plan. Don’t ask a girl if they wanna grab lunch, watch a movie, whatever and not have a plan. Know where you want to meet for lunch, what time, etc. Most annoying thing is for someone to invite you to hangout and they only half a$s it.

 

[TK421]

Have faith in the human body and the ability for each of you to be able to pick up on subtle social queues and body language. You’ll know after awhile whether there’s a mutual attraction, or if you’re barking up the wrong tree, or worse yet, if you discover you’re not really interested in her but she’s interested in you (I sincerely hold that this is more awkward for men than it is for women, and I’ll take that belief with me to the grave ) If you’re interested in a girl ask her to lunch, coffee, or whatever. She’ll either say yes or she won’t.

Forget rigidity and focus on spiritual sanity: if you want a happy, harmonious, stress-free relationship with a potential for an excellent marriage, then be a stiff and only date good Catholic girls. You will save yourself many needless anxieties.

 

[Mr_Ignatius]

And yes, please do not ask them by texting, do it using your very own voice!

In this current social climate I think its fine to ask someone to out casually via text/message if you don’t see them much but have their number or, more commonly are facebook friends. Actually I’d say facebook friending has now become the go-to when wanting to keep in touch rather than phone numbers. Thus usually the only way to get something going would be to shoot someone a message. Correct me if I’m wrong, but yes I wholeheartedly agree that a guy should ask a girl out in person if it was a more serious occasion or as taken from the quote below, a ‘real date’:

I’m fine with someone shooting me a text asking if I want to hangout, especially if we are just friends. If it was a real date, I wouldn’t want to be asked via text.

You’ll know after awhile whether there’s a mutual attraction, or if you’re barking up the wrong tree, or worse yet, if you discover you’re not really interested in her but she’s interested in you (I sincerely hold that this is more awkward for men than it is for women, and I’ll take that belief with me to the grave )

Haha I’d have to agree with you there - it’s one of my little fears going ahead with all of this.

 

[pianistclare]

Listen to TK…he’s da bomb

But honestly. If FB and texting is a substitute for face to face communication…that’s a sad sad state of affairs.

Check out this video:

youtube.com/watch?v=WkvW86LwmyY

Nothing is better than that personal connection. In person.
People may finally go back to this. And they will be far less lonely.

 

[faithsmind]

Yes to the above advice! And don’t forget to keep things light and funny, but be sincere and respectful as well. Keep it simple and real. A holy woman appreciates this very much.
Men who continue to play around with heavy emotions and desires always lose out.

I’m not so sure about taking lots of girls out on “friendship” dates. I think it’s more sincere and respectful to zero in on one at a time. If you do decide to go the other route, you may risk being viewed as a player. Things can get complicated, as well.