How should I handle this problem with my family?

[TexCatholic4JMJ]

For an upcoming holiday, most members of my family will be gathered in one place. One problem is that I am
the only practicing Catholic, a conservative, and very pro-life. All but 2 are liberal and pro-choice. While I try
to avoid those subjects, 2 of them are always making provacative statements. I’m afraid that they will create a
very uncomfortable situation for me and the others. I do not want “taking sides” to be an issue.
I have been praying about this for sometime and will continue to do so, but has anyone been in this situation
and have any other suggestions?

 

[DarkLight]

I recommend being really, really, really boring whenever the topic comes up. Just come up with one polite phrase. Something like “I find politics/religion and family don’t mix.” Then change the subject - ask them if they want more coffee, or how their significant other/kid/pet/houseplant is doing, or what they think of the local sports team, or really anything that’s not a controversial topic. Repeat as needed, even if it gets really tiresome.

Eventually they’ll get the idea that they’re going to get the same response no matter what and there’s no point trying to bait you.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Darklight is right

If they keep forcing the issue just be blunt. I’d go with a, “Really, it’s XYZ holiday. I don’t want to talk about that–I want to enjoy my day”

And believe me, I have a militant, extremely liberal pro-choice to the max OBGYN cousin. I get it.

Sometimes you just have to make a no-fly zone.

 

[FollowChrist34]

Oh yeah. I am in the exact same situation. Every holiday. Most of the more mellow members of my family respect my faith and try to avoid sensitive subjects or anti-religious comments. But there are a few quite belligerent relatives too, 60s generation, older, but some my age too. Really lay into me over Trump, being a Catholic or being prolife. Impassioned lectures. I do fight right back though. This is kind of a family tradition. Heated loud discussions, not necessarily negative. Just lively. It is part of our family identity on my dad’s side anyway. I don’t mind politics, hate the religious attacks. One recent reunion I actually left early in the evening (like 8) when it started up (had a hotel room). People noticed it. The next night - nothing. Really shut it down. Since then I have not had much of an issue. So…I would recommend trying to witness the faith, be kind, considerate to all. If things get negative in a way that makes you fear that you will become angry or say things you will regret, withdraw BEFORE then. Go for a walk, call it a night and go to your room, or leave if you have a hotel. If you can’t avoid it at the dinner table or whatever, just stare at your food. Stay quiet. Walk away from conversations. I will answer - yes I think abortion should be outlawed, yes I go to Church but I try not to let it get out of hand. I am always afraid I will let loose with what I think about them, since they are so free with what they think about me. Self-control. I will say they don’t mean harm - when even the belligerent ones realize that I am offended, upset, they do regret it, try to make amends.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Try to change the subject. If they insist on being deliberately rude to you, eat some turkey, and then leave.

 

[DarkLight]

Make sure you don’t let them get into a fight about not getting into a fight though. Some people will do that - they’ll try to paint it like you’re being mean or cowardly or something.

 

[casslean]

If they are just stating things into thin air, pretend not to hear it. If they are engaging with you directly, be polite, but firm. “We obviously have different opinions on this issue, and now isn’t the time or place to air those differences. Perhaps we should just agree to disagree, and if we want to debate our positions, we can have a coffee some night and hash it out.” Then change the subject or leave the room.

 

[MaryT777]

I married into a politically ignited family of inlaws and that was their type of “fun” at the Holidays to truly spend 5 or 6 hours arguing about politics. No one ever got insulted in their family but it turned into a boring old repeat-a-thon with everything repeated in 20 different ways.

My sister in law and I got our heads together the 3rd year we were in this family and said “we don’t discuss politics at family Holidays” and walked off and watched a movie or chatted. First year it freaked people out. WHAT? WHY NOT. We said we simply don’t do it.

Never had another issue. They would debate for hours and myself and my SIL and MIL who also wasn’t into the drama, cooked, baked, visited people etc. We had a great time and they did too, just separated the politics from the holiday.

Just an idea.