How Should I Respond?

[babartos]

Hi! I’m new on this forum, so I’m not sure if I’m posting this in the right place. I am currently going through the RCIA process in NYC after growing up in the Church of Christ. My ex-Catholic dad, back home in Dallas, is really upset about my conversion. We had a couple of conversations early on that ended in both of us getting upset. Since then, we haven’t really discussed it, and for months now it has been the elephant in the room. Now that I’m actually going through with RCIA, he has started sending me emails with snide comments about Catholics and Catholicism. Just recently, he sent me a link to an anti-Catholic website: bible.ca/cath-overview-false-teaching.htm

I’m really not sure if I should respond to this email or not. I don’t want to make things worse by returning to our former arguments, but neither do I want to close off dialogue and leave him without understanding my position. I want him to know that I am making a “head and heart” decision to join the Church that Jesus founded, not getting brainwashed by a cult or deceived by Satan (his basic accusation). And I don’t want to leave everything unsaid only to have it blow up in my face and ruin Christmas for myself and everyone else when I go home this December.

I feel so lonely in all of this. My poor mom and sister are trying their hardest to stay neutral while my dad and I “battle it out,” but I know they don’t really understand either. I came up here for my master’s degree at Columbia, but I still don’t know many people in the school and I feel cut off from my loved ones at home without anyone in this city to turn to for comfort.

Any suggestions?

 

[NHInsider]

Hello and welcome! You have indeed come to the right place, as there are many here who have been down this path.

I think I would recommend responding to one of your father’s emails with one of your own, saying that you love him and do not want your relationship to be damaged by this, that you understand his concern is based on a real fear for your soul, and that you are aware of the criticisms of the Church but are studying and learning and seeking truth, and you hope he can respect that. That you would rather not debate with him since previous experience shows this has led not to greater understanding but to acrimony, and you want to continue to honor him as your father.

Later I would try to explain that you are not abandoning the Christian faith but growing into a fuller experience of that faith. There are lots of sources that address those specific issues the anti-catholics always raise - my favorite is Alan Schreck’s Catholic and Christian. Possibly you could ask him if he is willing to read something you send him, since he wants you to read the things he sends you. BUT - fallen-away Catholics are the most difficult “nuts to crack” - they think they already know what the Church teaches, or they have some painful experience with someone whom they thought represented the official teaching of the Church, and it’s very hard to overcome that “I know better because I’ve been there” reality. The Holy Spirit has to do that work, and it takes time. Your best witness is not debating but living a faithful life. In my own case it took about 15 years for most of my family members to understand and accept that I am still a Christian - and there are a few who still think I’ve apostasized, more than 30 years on. This is a sadness, but Jesus did warn us about that, too.

 

[puzzleannie]

send one last e-mail
Dad, I love you I will always be your son, but I love God more and as much as I honor you, I honor God more, and I must follow his will for my life. At this time RCIA and full union with the Catholic Church founded by Jesus Christ is his will for me, I am convinced. So I will not be opening, reading or responding to any emails with anti-catholic content or links, from you or anyone else. If you cannot agree with my choice I respect your opinion, but I will not be swayed by your remarks against doing God’s will for me. I don’t want to lock out your email, but I will be forced to if you continue sending these messages. Love, your son

That will at least get him to know you appreciated even misguided signs of his concern for you but also that these messages will avail him nothing. If he disregards it yes you may have to block his emails, and hang up the phone every time the conversation turns to aggressive comments.

this is by far the hardest part of RCIA, dealing with sin and conversion is actually much easier and more straightforward, but Jesus promises that no one who gives up family for Him will be the loser by it.

 

[Galandriel]

Sometimes we know when we hit that red brick wall and nothing we say or do can change their minds. Your answer doesn’t have to be a lecture or lesson. It just has to be simple. I love the Catholic Church Dad. In no way are you closing off discussion but you have to wait until he is ready to truly discuss it.

This Christmas, don’t argue. Just let him say what he needs to say. Pray as he says it. Pray for the strength to remain calm.

As far as the emails go, just consider most of it spam. You don’t have to read it. Scan it but don’t reply. That way, when he asks if you got his email, you can honestly say you opened it.

Look at the website of the Diocese that you are in. Look for local Theology on Taps or Young Adult Ministries. My prayers are with you. Stay strong, pray the rosary and go to adoration. And offer up your suffering for your father, your family and your future family.

+JMJ