How should we deal with the grief and loss for the loved ones?

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shanishani7

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My dad passed away due to cancer 2 years ago already. I am still griefing for that even until now.

The only thing I thought was a grace given by God is that, my dad was an atheist for whole life, but he was suddenly willingly to be baptized as catholic and finished all last rights (sacraments) just 2 weeks before God took him. (I told a sister later and she said it was God’s grace for him.)

I know the loss of closed ones is a process for everyone, but how should we deal with the grief afterwards? just cry and feel sad? just keep ourselves busy and let us forget them? Ask God to remove our grief in heart? Convince myself that he has rised to heaven? (actually i dunno if he’s in heaven or not)

For those who had the similar situation, what’s the better way to feel better and not to grief anymore?

I need prayers also…
 
Two years is no time at all.

We’ll always grieve in a way, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
 
I don’t believe we should grieve in a way that is too much and brings inordinate sadness to us. We can pray and thank God for the time we had with our loved one. Having a Mass said for them helps, and chatting about the good times we had with them helps also.

My husband had home hospice when he died. If needed, hospice would have told me about a bereavement group I could have joined. I didn’t need that since I had some of my children nearby, and also my sisters, and activities I took part in my parish. My husband had a very happy death and finally returned to the sacraments after forty years. It was a gradual thing for him, and all of the many prayers of myself and many others helped much!

The conversion of your Dad is awesome!
 
shanishani7 said:
My dad passed away due to cancer 2 years ago already. I am still griefing for that even until now.

The only thing I thought was a grace given by God is that, my dad was an atheist for whole life, but he was suddenly willingly to be baptized as catholic and finished all last rights (sacraments) just 2 weeks before God took him. (I told a sister later and she said it was God’s grace for him.)

I know the loss of closed ones is a process for everyone, but how should we deal with the grief afterwards? just cry and feel sad? just keep ourselves busy and let us forget them? Ask God to remove our grief in heart? Convince myself that he has rised to heaven? (actually i dunno if he’s in heaven or not)

For those who had the similar situation, what’s the better way to feel better and not to grief anymore?

I need prayers also…
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The grieving process is often messy. Everyone grieves differently, and all the ways you suggested may be combined. An additional suggestion I can offer is to join a support group of people whose loved ones have died from cancer, either in person or online. I believe there is such a group on CAF. Also, keep in mind there is no timetable for grief and, for some people, it takes longer than for others. I found that after my mother died of cancer, the second year was tougher than the first. This may be because the loss finally begins to sink in after the first year since, during the first year, one is preoccupied with the day-to-day family arrangements and chores. In the second year, family is less present and you find yourself more on your own. For some, it takes a full five years to “finish” grieving, and even then, one never forgets the loved one who has passed on although the pain usually begins to subside.
 
My Dad died of cancer 34 years ago. I can tell you, it will always hurt. But, it will start to hurt less, and you will start to think less of the loss and more often of the good stuff.

I praise God that your Dad converted before his death- that must bring you a lot of comfort. I know it would bring me a lot of comfort.

My only advice is: Don’t judge yourself for how you are grieving. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t think, “I should be over this by now” or “Why do I not cry more?” or whatever. You grieve how you grieve. You’ll feel okay for a while, and then it will hit you like a ton of bricks and you’ll cry all over again. Think of the good times, look at happy pictures, and of course pray for your father’s soul to help him in case he’s in purgatory. It’s also a way you can connect with him now, and he can pray for you too, if you ask him.
 
shanishani7 said:
My dad passed away due to cancer 2 years ago already. I am still griefing for that even until now.

The only thing I thought was a grace given by God is that, my dad was an atheist for whole life, but he was suddenly willingly to be baptized as catholic and finished all last rights (sacraments) just 2 weeks before God took him. (I told a sister later and she said it was God’s grace for him.)

I know the loss of closed ones is a process for everyone, but how should we deal with the grief afterwards? just cry and feel sad? just keep ourselves busy and let us forget them? Ask God to remove our grief in heart? Convince myself that he has rised to heaven? (actually i dunno if he’s in heaven or not)

For those who had the similar situation, what’s the better way to feel better and not to grief anymore?

I need prayers also…
Click to expand...
There’s grief counseling where you can talk this out with a counselor who has experience in these issues as just one idea.

One can read books on grief for ideas from people who have been there.
 
Another way is to channel that energy of grieving into some activity which will somehow improve others’ lives, like volunteering with people or animals, or some other cause you believe in. Keeping busy also helps.
 
When someone is lost from our life who was closely wound into it, a hole is created that will never fully close. It doesn’t matter what one does – mourning, additional work, volunteering, anything – there will be a gap in the life that only the lost person can fill.

There will also be regrets, because every human association is broken in a way, and now the association is closed, that brokenness will not be healed.

So get used to the idea that your life will never be the same, in the sense of not having that hole in it.

But that’s alright at the end of the day, because our LORD enters a life through its holes.

ICXC NIKA.
 
Nothing can prepare you for the emotional toll you go through when you lose a dear loved one. My mom passed away 20 months after my dad passed away. It still hurts and my sisters and I still have a heaviness inside us that will probably never go away because we were all so close.
 
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