How to approach people of the opposite sex?

[SHoJ]

In another thread, I mentioned that I had flirted with someone (eye contact, trying to make small talk) at the grocery store and got called on the carpet for flirting with an unknown man.

My question is, how am I supposed to let men know I am interested in them if I don’t “flirt”? How can I know if they’re married or not if I don’t talk to them (and look for a ring)? If I wait for someone to introduce me, I will end up waiting forever because I’m an introvert, I’m shy and I only have a couple of friends. I work and go to college and don’t have much time or money for social activities. The couple of times I’ve gone to church singles activities, it seems like everyone else pairs up or already has their group of friends they hang out with and it’s hard for me to meet people and make friends. Or maybe I’m just meant to be alone???

 

[austenbosten]

Making eye-contact and small-talk is not flirting.

 

[Nechasin]

Coming from another introvert, we do have it more difficult. I would recommend to keep going to the church groups. You will slowly work yourself into a group. If you can approach someone in the supermarket, you can do the same in the church group. You have to have self confidence in yourself and don’t put yourself down when a group doesn’t automatically accept you. You can get yourself into a group of friends if you work at it.

 

[Adonia]

Don’t fret, I was 40 before I got married. You seem to be doing ok by talking to people, being nice, a little eye contact. I mean, these are some of the ways humans pair up and in the end when it is right for you things will happen. ( When you least expect it!)

 

[chevalier]

Or maybe I’m just meant to be alone???

You’re not, and starting to believe that you’re not would probably improve your interactions with the opposite sex! People tend to be reluctant to see sad or stressed persons as potential romantic partners, let alone someone who can be construed as pouting or something of the sort.

As for letting men know, let me break one thing to you: men aren’t stupid, they aren’t actually the emotional klutzes they’re supposed to be, they know. And they’re probably about as conscious of this aspect of interaction as you are. However, men have this wonderful quality that whenever a woman as much as smiles at us, we tend to she, “oh, did you see that! she was so obviously flirting with me, oh man!”

This means that if you don’t actively chase a guy away (which some women actually do when they’re interested, must be a stress pattern), he’s likely going to try and make a pass at you if he’s interested (or test waters if he wants or needs more information).

And don’t overestimate flirting, normal intelligent conversation is actually more important than that. Throngs of assorted nogoods can flirt but it means something special when you can actually talk to a man.

A somewhat perceptive man might even manage to realise when you feel comfortable with him, and make the right conclusions from there.

 

[underacloud]

In another thread, I mentioned that I had flirted with someone (eye contact, trying to make small talk) at the grocery store and got called on the carpet for flirting with an unknown man.

My question is, how am I supposed to let men know I am interested in them if I don’t “flirt”?

There’s nothing wrong with flirting. But eye contact and small talk are barely flirting anyway…it’s just regular human interaction.

When you meet a man you find attractive, there’s nothing at all wrong in making eye contact, talking with him, and letting your body language indicate openness and interest. There’s no need to presume all men you meet are married or priests until you know otherwise…just talk to whoever you want and subtly find out via conversation whether they are involved in some way or someone you may like to talk with further.

Your bigger issue is probably *where *you’re likely to meet nice single men suitable for dating. I’m not sure the grocery store is high on the list. Church and mutual friends are better bets.

 

[embear]

I have never had luck meeting guys at church. I gave up on that ages ago…there were only a few that attended regularly anyhow and of those few, I wasn’t attracted to any of them. I even went to nondenominational youth groups (the rationale being that a “Christian” was better than a secularist) but found them to be extremely clique-y and I felt like an outsider.

Anyhow, I met my fiance when I wasn’t even looking, at work. It was serendipitous really. There is a verse in Proverbs that says something like “a good wife is from the Lord”…a good husband is too! He wasn’t even Catholic when I met him, but he was a good man, the kind I didn’t even think existed. I could have searched for someone like him for years and I doubt I’d have found anything like him on my own. It really was a blessing from God, not just finding him, but the circumstances, the timing, ect. It all has to be just right.

Be warned that meeting people and making friends outside of college is difficult. If you’re having a hard time in college, it will be worse once you graduate. So try your hardest to maximize your opportunities. I know its hard when you’re shy but you need to overcome that and get used to talking to people. Your chances of meeting someone are close to zero if you stay at home every chance you get. As an example, I have one friend who is pretty intoverted, but she has been out with 2 different guys in the last week! She met one playing volleyball at the beach, and the other is a guy her older coworker set her up with (she’s his landlord). She wouldn’t have had these opportunities to go on dates new people if she wasn’t being friendly or spent her time at home, that’s for sure.

 

[robotsarecool]

Looking people in the eye and small talk isn’t flirting, it is just friendly. Also looking for a ring is a must. I started doing that around 18 because many around that age are starting to get married. There is nothing wrong with a little flirting, by the way. Be friendly, dressing in a nice way and being nicely groomed helps as well. Also if you are looking to meet people, try joining a singles group in your area, join a Bible study, ect. For these things to succeed, you have to talk to people. Start up conversation. If you don’t, you can’t expect to magically meet people. Getting out there and meeting people is a good way to find a potential future spouse.