How to be a catholic MAN in college?

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Walterross

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This question sounds very weird, I know. But allow me to elaborate a bit. I’m a 20 YO male in college and I realize that the most important thing in life is to prioritize your relationship with God. This life is temporary, after all. I’ve seen that we are to avoid sin at all costs. I’m sure everyone, if they’re honest with themselves and are not kidding themselves, knows that college can be a very sinful place, with many near occasions of sin. There are parties, cursing, premarital sex all the time, hookup culture, etc. I go to a very small school, but these things are still prevalent for sure. It seems like it is very hard to find likeminded catholic MEN on campus. Men who actually want to avoid sinning, and going to parties, etc. I realize that going to parties is not necessarily sinful, but c’mon, there is underage drinking, unsoberness, and a lot of hookups and sex that goes on. I think God would want me to avoid these situations. In confession you do promise to avoid near occasions of sin, right? I’m having a hard time making good guy friends who aren’t into the stuff listed above, and I’m finding it very hard. Also, you are going to have to work with people who you don’t agree with, no matter what you decide to study. I realize this, but I feel like these people, who you often see in everyday classes, are not wanting to grow closer to God, but want the “college-experience.” One of my fears is, for instance, meeting with a few other friends for a group project and becoming close with them and friendly. Then they might invite me to go to a party or another near occasion of sin and I would, of course, politely decline. I’m afraid they might treat me differently because I’m not doing what most college kids do. This may lead to me being excluded or avoided in group projects going forward. With the whole sinful nature of college, it almost makes me feel the only way to avoid sin is to become a priest. I know that we are called to holiness no matter what we do, but it’s extremely hard at this point in life. I know this is a lot, and maybe not a question, but I’d love to hear thoughts of others on this topic.
 
Okay, this is coming from a non-Catholic so you can take my advice with a pinch of salt if you want to, but:

Parties aren’t sinful in of themselves. There’s nothing wrong with you going to a party with friends if you’re invited.

If you want to stay away from the party scene, which is more than fair enough because I felt exactly the same, there are many other ways to meet people. Does your college have clubs or societies where you can meet people with similar interests? Maybe you could start a Catholic group if there isn’t one already. Does your college offer volunteering opportunities? They’re good too.

I want to say this as nicely as I can - you seem a little jaded with your college. And again, I do get it because sometimes I felt that way too. But try and see people in the most positive light possible. You may think no-one wants to better themselves, but that’s not necessarily true and I would bet it isn’t true for quite a number of people. Try not to see college as one big occasion of sin, because it really isn’t and seeing sin everywhere you look isn’t good for your spiritual health. It may be you’re just looking in the wrong place.
 
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Just remember you are there to get an education and not for “the college experience”. God has revealed His grace to you and called you out of sin, darkness, and evil. Be His child. Keep Him in your heart and pray He give you the grace to see others with the compassion of Christ.
Blessings and grace to you I pray.
 
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If someone asks you to come to a party and you say no (respectively) and they drop you because of it- let them drop you. In college you really don’t need that sort of negativity. It’s stressful enough😓. Of course, you should still be nice to those people and smile. Maybe say hi. Be nice even if they ignore you. That tends to help people: having someone be nice to them. Find another person that won’t do that. I’m probably making it sound easier than it really is, but good friends are hard to come by. And good friendships take a while to form. Just have patience, some courage, and some love.
 
I think it would be best to find a close group of a couple good friends. And focus on your education. So friends who help you study and friends who are good students should be helpful. God bless.
 
You are imagining all sorts of things. Step one, make friends. Step two, worry about the rest later.

You don’t have to have everything in common with people to be friends or friendly with them. In college and young adulthood I had dorm friends, friends from my major, softball friends, dancing friends, and coworker friends. If they invited me to something I didn’t want to do, I would decline. But that doesn’t mean i wouldn’t invite them to other things or that they wouldn’t invite me to other things.

Don’t overthink everything.

Make friends with other Catholics at the Newman Center if your college has one or the local parish if it doesn’t.
 
I went to a major college and one that was not so major. It is good to make friends but keep it casual at first. Get to know what other people like or dislike. If you’re approachable, some people may approach you first. If you get an invite to a party, just politely ask about what goes on. If it’s girls, booze, dope and other things you find objectionable, just politely decline. Clue: “It’s gonna be wild. Ya know?”

It’s good to fear God but make up your mind about how you’re going to handle things and handle them with tact and politeness. Here’s a group I hope you’ll find helpful:

 
There are plenty of people who don’t party in college. I’m one of them. Maybe try going to the gym on Friday and Saturday nights or early Sunday or Saturday mornings. I imagine that the sorts of young people who would spend those times attending to their health would not be the party types. Group exercise classes in particular can be a good way to meet people.
 
While I applaud your desire to avoid sin while in college, you may want to examine yourself and see if there isn’t a bit of pride mixed up with your interactions with others.
You seem to have a fairly stringent “purity test” for those you will admit into your life.
Or maybe there’s a secret, lurking, fear of not measuring up—that others may not like YOU if they got too close (which is, btw, not uncommon at all. It’s hard to put yourself out there)
In my own experience, my friends ran the gamut from openly promiscuous to waited-until-marriage.

And please, please, please don’t go thinking that religious life will save you from dealing with sinful humanity. If you became a priest, you would come into people in spiritual crisis-mode, bearing their soul to you, and they would be depending on you to handle their sins with grace and sensitivity.
 
In College, I joined Youth Ministry at local Catholic Church and found like minded men who weren’t interested in that party atmosphere. I’d suggest that. They are there, you just need to find them. Go on weekend retreats with them and your Church friends. Have weekend meet ups at each others houses/dorms where you guys can have fund or go out to dinner and then to movies or go camping , etc etc. There is tons to do that doesn’t involve partying, but first step is finding like minded people to you.
 
Look for a college ministry and maybe a local Catholic young adults group. That’s a good place to make friends and get into activities. I wasn’t Catholic in college, but I did spend a lot of time with RUF, the PCA college ministry, and with the friends I made there, I was able to find people to play Magic with, go to movies with, etc. That was on top of the Bible studies, large-group meetings, church, etc.
 
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As a 20YO at a Catholic college, there are plenty of parties and premarital sex and lots of promiscuity. I have never gone to a party once in my college tenure and don’t consume alcohol. Also have never put myself in a sexual position of temptation. I spend a lot of my time in the chapel in adoration, rosary, divine mercy Chaplet, daily mass. I lead a group rosary on campus with 15-20 members and I am also the leader of the pro-life club with 70 members. I also have given talks on how to overcome porn and masturbation. I also wear a Crucifix over all my clothes 24/7 to evangelize and remind myself what true love is, Jesus on the cross.

I would look for campus ministry or something religious you can be part of. Read through the Gospels. For me, my biggest struggle is not feeling lonely when I see all these couples having sex and doing all these things and having fun. I know I’m called to something greater (hopefully marriage) but it makes me feel alone and envious. Being envious has been a real struggle for me, but frequent confession has helped a lot. I do have a female friend at a different college who I communicate with often, and potentially her and I might enter into something in the future, it has been discussed.

So I would include Saints: JPII, John XXIII, Paul VI, Pius XII, Pius X, Gregory the Great, Leo the Great, Peter, Ann, Valentine, Joseph, Raphael, and Gabriel in your prayers. Ask them to help you in your struggles and never lose hope. College first and foremost should be about getting a good education so that you can have a career to support a family if that is your vocation you are called to. I would look into campus ministry and religious clubs, pro life club specifically.
 
My best friends at college don’t agree with me 100% and that’s okay, we are all humans and therefore children of God. One of my best friends is an atheist, another is a “buffet-style” Catholic and another is a very good practing Catholic. If all your friends were identical to you, it would be boring. But all my close friends don’t party, that’s the people I associate with. I do have friends who party a lot but I don’t hang out with them really, just talk to them in passing or in class.

I suggest you also do some religious education in yourself. Search Fr. Mike Schmitz on YouTube if you don’t know him. Look into Bishop Robert Barron. Check out Ascension Presents on YouTube. Check out Pints with Aquinas and The Matt Fradd Show, both run by Matt Fradd. Also check out Theology of the Body, especially from Christopher West and Jason Evert.

The fact that you think the only way to overcome sin is to become a priest shows that you don’t have a healthy view of our bodies and our sexuality yet. That’s fine, I struggle with it also! But using these great Catholic resources and especially studying Theology of the Body has been great for me.

Pleade check this out, it’s a 3 hour talk show episode of the Matt Fradd Show with Christopher West talking about Theology of the Body, it’s really amazing and you will understand and feel so much more comfortable in your college journey after watching/listening to it. There is also a podcast form:


https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-matt-fradd-show/id1443398185?mt=2&i=1000425963484
 
I guess you have a good point. There’s no point in forcing something that just won’t work and is negative. Thank you!
 
Walterross said:
With the whole sinful nature of college, it almost makes me feel the only way to avoid sin is to become a priest.
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False. (Imagine Dwight K. Shrute’s stern face). Priests sin, too. :crazy_face:

If you want to avoid temptation to sin, don’t get out of bed in the morning. Better yet, get out of bed every morning after praying for strength and courage. 🙂

Practical question: Do you have a Newman Center or other Catholic student center on your campus? Comfy couches, chapel with daily Mass, meet-ups for Catholic students, free daily lunch of soup from the crockpot and bread from the breadmaker . . . I practically lived at ours, lol! If you’re in the U.S., you can usually find this wonderful resource at state universities.

I’m editing to add that we’re called to spread the Gospel even in mundane, every-day interactions with others, so just make sure that you don’t completely isolate yourself from the secular environment. I made friends, Catholic and not, and simply declined invitations to those parties.
 
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Aquinas11 said:
but first step is finding like minded people to you.
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Very true. Yet, this is the hardest part. Like I said above, it’s especially hard to find guy catholic friends. I’ll check out the local church to see what they have going on. Thank you!
 
GospelOfMatthew said:
I would look into campus ministry and religious clubs, pro life club specifically.
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Great points here. I do wish that I went to a bigger school that had more clubs. I’m pretty sure the only kind of catholic organization on campus is the newman club. I’ve heard they don’t get many members though, and that’s due to the small school. I will look into that club for sure though.
 
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