How to behave around mean parents

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Say I have a mother (I am under 18) who at times yells a lot and gets agressive/ passive-agressive and I’m gonna say it; a bit manipulative. I’m not going to share my whole life story but basically this night we just got home from a flight and she was in a bad mood, kept throwing mean comments around and when I met with my Dad (she drove me) she went over the edge.
I went back home and I was greeted with her crying and semi-yelling and grandma started accusing me of things as well. Thinking it was about to escalate I went into my room and locked the door. They both got really angry and Mom swore and me and called me the greatest idiot in the world and what not.
After some wrestling they asked me to open the door. I asked why? She said “I want to hug you” which almost made me go “Ohh… cute.” but then she said something afterward which completely took the effect.
I then proceeded to insist on not opening the door stating “I won’t open as long as this attitude continues mommy.” and “I won’t open until you actually try to see things from my point of view mommy.” When she’d argument about things I’d kinda talk back and say stuff like “If you really want me to be more attached to you make me more attached, which won’t happen by talking like this.”

Now obviously since I wrote the narrative it is shifted towards my side. I think what I did to be at most venial sin but I hope it wasn’t wrong at all. I know there’s stuff about slaves respecting even bad masters and turning the other cheeck but I’ve got a feel it doesn’t apply. Yes I’m praying for Mom and sorry if this sounds like I’m looking for pity (which may be subconsciously true) but I’d like to determine once and for all what my correct attitude towards her should be; I don’t want to place undue burdens on myself but neither do I want to do something wrong.
 
Are your parents divorced or living separately?

Was she taking her feelings about your father out on you?
 
Can you talk to someone about this? Like s guidance counselor at school.

They’ll be able to give you advice about how to handle these things. Even though she doesn’t have a relationship with your dad, you still do. He’s your dad. You shouldn’t feel stuck in the middle.
 
I did talk to somebody about it and am ok in principle. That doesn’t really help when you’re in the moment though, if she gets too bad I usually just try to ignore her, move away, pray, listen to music, etc. As stupid as this sounds we all know the 4th commandment so I’m kinda feeling double bad about stuff like barricading myself in my room so I’m trying to figure when/if it is justified.

PS like your avatar picture.
 
How old are you? Does your dad know about this? What does he think?

In a custody dispute, courts will usually let a teenage child choose which parent to live with. So if your dad understands your situation and is willing to take you, that’s an option you could look into (obviously this would require him to hire a lawyer, though I doubt that your mother would be able to seriously dispute it).
 
To be honest that wouldn’t be a road any of us would want to take. He’s super busy with his own stuff and courts might not consider him due to other reasons + I am 15 (almost 16) so really close to being of age it would not make sense. He knows about the fact that she has anger fits sometimes and sometimes I honestly feel a bit like I am the one taking the adult role. When they divorced they agreed on full custody to her. To be honest we do have good moments, it isn’t all doom and gloom I was just trying to get her to change her way of acting, she really seems to think it is ok to act in some of the ways she does with me and others and I can’t really sleep tonight and am feeling kinda guilty about the way I responded.
 
Dear child,
your correct attitude toward your mother should be respect, but that doesn’t mean you can’t walk away from an argument that you find unpleasant.
You are worried that you committed a venial sin. I very much doubt it. You are trying to get along, and doing the best you can. You are in a hard time of life and living with sometimes difficult people. Take it easy on yourself. Many of us have been where you are.
Avoid name calling, insults and harsh language. Speak the truth in love: “Mom, it hurts me when you yell at me and say unkind things. I’m going to my room for awhile.”
Keep praying for her and for patience. Before you know it this will be a memory and you will be an adult.
God bless you.
 
You could be me a decade ago (more than that, actually). I have been dealing with much of this myself, although it is somewhat different for me now simply because I’m an adult.

This sounds like the sort of thing I would discuss with your priest. Protecting one’s self is generally not sinful, but this is a very difficult situation to resolve, and it may help if you can ask another adult to speak for you.
 
“Respect for parents” does NOT mean tolerating abuse. You have a moral right to defend yourself, and that includes against abusive parents.

Does she ever get physically violent with you? If so, go to the police or DCFS so this goes on the record.

I second what Arkansan says about getting your dad involved (unless he is worse). This could open up issues about whether or not your mother is fit to have custody of you (whether due to abusiveness or bipolar issues).
 
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Stop locking the door and expect for the storm to pass. It probably pisses her more. Plus she can always remove the lock from your door. Better if it is you who doesn’t put that lock between you or you’ll be accused of that too.
If she has your grandma on her side there is no way you can win your side of the argument. Not even if you say "mom I have homework to do"even though this may help at times…
Let her have her row, don’t put it to heart, don’t reply much, don’t defend your father in front of her even if she is wrong.
And don’t focus on this, don’t get depressed. Think of your time with your friends and all that.
You’re not disrespecting her, you are just coping.
About the 4th commandment I think the church mainly discusses cases of children abusing their parents like beating them or abandoning them, and also cases in cursing one’s parents when they accuse the younger generation of disrespecting their parents. Pray more often, light candles for your mom at church and don’t overthink it.
 
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